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The meaning of "I'm not looking for a relationship right now"

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Tightrope, Nov 16, 2021.

  1. Tightrope

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    I'm posting this because we've heard it and might have even said it.

    What do you think when someone says this? Here's what I think. A person says this and makes it sound really generic. What it REALLY means is that they're not interested in a relationship with YOU and they're just saying that to be kind but still keep a person in the friend zone. That's how I interpret it when it comes toward me.

    I was criticized for not telling someone I wasn't interested in them. This person never directly told me that they were interested in me but their actions showed it and their friends also told me about this interest.

    I kind of threw out the phrase "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" while socializing a time or two. It's not my problem if they don't want to hear it and digest it. People who are more perceptive would sort of get it. And, if someone even has a remote interest in another person, they would never use this phrase if they want to leave the door a little open.
     
  2. Chip

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    I think that maybe they aren't looking for a relationship right now.
     
  3. BiGemini87

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    Generally I just take it at face value; they don't want a relationship, or they don't want a serious relationship. If I suspect the latter, I might ask for clarification to determine whether they just want a fwb situation, but mostly I just figure they just don't want the person in question. Regardless of their reasons, I tend not to overthink it, because if they're not interested, they're not interested.
     
  4. SomeCleverName

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    I use it as a way to stop family and friends - who don't know about my sexuality - from searching a girlfriend for me.
    It's like we are speaking two different languages and that's the only sentence they understand.
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    I used to say it before I came out. It felt like the best way to close down intrusive questions that I didn't want to deal with at that time.
    That's not to suggest everyone who says it is in the closet.
     
  6. Dezeree11

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    not everyone needs relationship for a long time, so there is no sense to search for additional meaning
     
  7. Hillary B

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    It generally means: "I am looking for a relationship right now, just not with you, buster!"
    No seriously this a statement that should be taken seriously. Even if you think the speaker IS looking for one.
    It would simply be impolite, as well as potentially dangerous and unkind, to act otherwise.
    Anyone agree?
     
  8. Unsure77

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    Any way you slice it, it’s usually a boundary. Whether you mean it across the board or towards one person, it means you’re not willing to discuss future relationships with the person you’re talking to. For any of the list of reasons folks have brought up here. Either because you don’t want to date them or because you want them to quit asking questions or trying to interfere. Especially if you say it and don’t elaborate.
     
  9. Dev226

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    I guess it can mean different things depending on the situation, context, and how it is being said. Generally I've used it to keep people from bugging me about why I'm single, to make it clear I don't want a relationship with a certain individual, or just hide my shyness in an awkward situation.
     
  10. MichaelX

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    I am not a mind reader so (to me)... Words mean what they mean. That's why you say them.
    If I am facing someone who tends to misuse words and expressions (and if I care that much, which I usually don't) I'll ask them to make sure.

    Someone (or a bunch of people) expecting from me to be a mind reader is a sign I'm not on the right place.

    The sentence itself doesn't offend me. Also it doesn't register as 'It is a sign I must keep trying'. Or even 'Now I got 'friend zoned'. To me this 'friend zone' thing is problematic, since it sounds quite resentful and dismissive of friendships. If you really, really care about someone, you want them to be well, regardless if it's with you or not. I'd rather remain as a friend, seeing you and that you are ok, than not seeing you again ever (if I'm that much into you, that is).

    Anyway, nobody should be expected to be a mind reader. In doubt, ask. At the same time there are plenty of people using this sentence incorrectly, and if they are misunderstood, then it's not automatically your fault.
    It's on the speaker, not the listener, the responsibility of making themselves clear with language.
     
  11. Unsure77

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    If someone is looking at you and telling you directly they’ve never met someone of your gender they’ve found sexually attractive, regardless of what they’re saying about their own sexuality overall, they are telling you pretty clearly they’re not attracted to you in that way. Otherwise they would’ve thrown in an “until I met you” or something.
     
    #11 Unsure77, Nov 30, 2021 at 1:13 PM
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021 at 1:13 PM
  12. Tightrope

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    Mostly seems to be the key word I picked up on in your post. I agree that it has to do with the person in question.

    I didn't think about this. It can be a way to answer someone who is trying to push you into dating or a relationship.

    I agree! People just don't go around saying this. It's trying to send out a message without hurting someone.

    I notice that a lot of the responses are picking up on this idea. When it has been said to me, I take it to mean just what you've said. I take the hint quickly.

    This makes sense when dealing with someone of a gender that usually doesn't attract someone. I can see this happening when someone's orientation is not disclosed and someone keeps knocking on their door, but it could also be more specific to the person than to the gender. Some people might even weigh whether or not to disclose it just to keep this from happening and if this is the main reason for doing it, I don't have a one size fits all answer. That's another topic altogether and I believe members have very different opinions about this.
     
  13. angeluscrzy

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    If I say it, it is simply because I have no interest in bothering with anyone. I've grown comfortable enough in my own skin, and my own independence, that I don't really feel the need to be involved with anyone.