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The guy I like has a boyfriend...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by HarryLillis, Dec 4, 2017.

  1. HarryLillis

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    I have another thread which was from a while ago about the same person so if you want background or to read it, have a look.

    I was out with him recently and I already know he has a boyfriend which did bother me but I got over it. We flirt sober anyway but it got intense, at one point we were just alone and staring into each others eyes, basically about to kiss - he was also rubbing his crotch around my leg. We definitely could have kissed but I don't want to, not that I don't like him but because I don't want to be a home wrecker. He already kissed someone else that night and then denied it to me which was annoying, he tried explaining himself to me and sort of apologising and I said he doesn't need to apologise and explain himself to me, he needs to do that to his boyfriend.

    It's really hard to have the will power not to because I really like him, obviously I'm right in doing what I am but there's no way I can distance myself from him. When I questioned him on his behaviour, he got annoyed as if I was in the wrong. I said he should just worry about himself in response to something he said and again, he got annoyed.

    I get the impression that he cheats on his boyfriend a lot and so I could never really trust him even if anything was to come of it eventually. What I essentially want to know is why is he doing this? To me, his boyfriend, himself? I've already spoke to him before about flirting and stuff to which we toned it down but it's just natural and hard not to unless I ignore him... literally no idea what to do.
     
  2. Twist

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    You need to find someone else to like. The guy is obviously a jerk, and there's no guarantee if he was yours that he would behave any differently than he does now.

    He's clearly not demonstrating any sort of remorse for his behavior. Don't you find his behavior (and lack of remorse) repulsive?

    As for why.... he's selfish. And clearly doesn't care who he hurts. Some people are like that.
     
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  3. HarryLillis

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    True, maybe I'm naive in thinking people can be nice. It's really weird aswell because sometimes we're really close and flirt etc (usually in person) but then when I try to text him or whatever, he just ignores me and is very distant so that confuses me.

    I find his behaviour is bad and I've told him that but in terms of being repulsed, no. I still find him very attractive, I really like him and everything about him. Only if he wasn't such a MASSIVE DICK and cheated on his boyfriend and like you say, if he wasn't so selfish.

    It'll be a vicious circle until we move out of each others lives as I like him too much to not care but then I will not do anything like that while he's with someone.
     
  4. JonSomebody

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    I agree totally with Twist's response. Why are you selling yourself short and for that matter not knowing your worth to be bothered with such b.s. ???? Not only is he cheating on his current boyfriend but from what you've mentioned in your initial thread, he is also kissing other guys as well. What's that word I'm looking for to describe him??? Oh Yeah...A THOT!!!!!!!...that's the word. In all seriousness...you are so wasting your time giving this guy any kind of valuable consideration. I just feel the red flags are being displayed all over this situation to say the least right in front of you. MOVE ON!!!!!!!
     
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  5. Redsweater

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    You could try to see why he is cheating, he might be going through some things and has feelings that are compelling him to do stuff like cheat on his boyfriend. If you can't find any reason you could to talk to him more and make him talk. You could try to use your love to him to help him, but If you can't find any reasons to why he is being such a dick you aren't superman, you tried to help him and that's the thing that counts.
     
  6. resu

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    I agree that you need to take the blinders that have made you focus only on this guy who's taken and not good with relationship commitments.
     
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  7. Chip

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    I get the feelings you have, but as others have said, you need to let go. This guy is a non-winner and even if you managed to get with him... he'd do to you what he does to others.

    Most likely, in some way, your attraction to him comes from a place within yourself (not necessarily consciously) of not feeling like you deserve better. This can manifest as low self esteem, shame, insecurity, etc. So this might be an opportunity to take a look at yourself and see where you may need to pay attention.
     
  8. HarryLillis

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    Thanks for all your replies! I appreciate them and I think you're all so right but I'm also blinded to act any different.

    I found out that on the same night, he got love bites from someone else later on. I know that he's having problems at home with his family and I do want to talk to him about this. He spent most of his time with me that night and we just really connect but I wonder whether he feels the same way - he knows doing what he has done would hurt me, but before even putting me into the equation, his boyfriend, so why does he do it? I've never met him boyfriend but I've been told that he's so nice and that he loves the guy in question whole heartedly.

    Like previously said, I do want to ask him questions and get to the bottom of why he does this and maybe help him change, however, I don't want to get too involved and nosey incase he doesn't want to share. I think you're so right Chip, I've never really been in any relationship before and this guy is perfect (apart from the topic of this thread hahah). I just don't think I could do any better than him because he is so good looking, a lot better looking than I am and his personality is really good too.

    When I next see him, I was going to question him about everything he did and see what his response is, or should I not waste my time and pretend as if I'm not bothered?
     
  9. Chip

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    Apparently you didn't take the input above. It seems the consensus is... let it go because you deserve better. Doing so would mean *not* questioning him about anything. This is simply going to be bad news. So you can either take the advice, or experience the bad news for yourself.