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The "gay statue" - have you seen this type?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Tightrope, Sep 6, 2013.

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  1. AKTodd

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  2. Tightrope

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    AKTodd:

    I'm disappointed that, as mature men, we have had to tangle so much over this thread. I'm one of those people others like or dislike. I accept that and always have. It almost seems like you want me to process things a certain way, because it's sort of the correct way to proceed today. I'm not buying, the same way you don't want to or need to "lighten up."

    Maybe I should have just asked something like "Do pissy gay men annoy you? Share a story," essentially no different from threads which debate whether people here are attracted to those typical or atypical of the gender they like and there is usually some controversy that ensues. I've often wondered whether the word "pissy" was coined in the gay or straight community, because I learned it and have only heard it used among G/B men. Discussing two people's snap judgment of ONE person has been raised to an almost criminal level by the amount of snarking here.

    My stream of consciousness wandered, perhaps because I thought of the auto show, the convention center, or how much fun and how funny my friend was, and I started this thread. Sure, I'll drop it, but to whom would I be apologizing? If others want to add, don't be dissuaded from doing so because of some of the volleys on here. It's not a monopoly.

    There are things posted on here in which people cite things that are physically dangerous, to themselves and others, or actively psychologically hurtful, to themselves and others, and no one attacks them. We give them advice to stay out of harm's way, and to keep others out of harm's way. We don't pass judgment. Funny that analyzing a yuppie type at the auto show has fetched so much judgment.
     
    #22 Tightrope, Sep 6, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2013
  3. Californiacoast

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    Lol, wow this is the first thread I've read that felt like an assault on a starter! Everyone take a deep breath! I think I know where you are coming from Tightrope. I have been to many functions round the Bay or even coffee shops where the person you describe hangs out or even works. I am a pretty social guy and find it a special challenge to reach out to this personality type and " break the exterior" with humor or self deprivation. There are alot of techies here that spend alot of time up from Palo Alto in coffee shops that might be an example. Even if I have to resort to my old Mississipi accent to crack a smile, I don't mind doing it. In most cases, I can break through with genuine conversation. The only place I have had real problems were parts of L.A. I picked up a whole different vibe. Funny thing is, my first partner was the statue. I guess opposites attract, lol!
     
  4. Jeph

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    I'm with AKTodd here. There's way too many unfounded conclusions and negative judgements about this guy whom you just saw and had absolutely no interaction with. You have no context or other information to support your opinions, apart from mere hunches and intuition, which contrary to what you may believe are not infallible.

    There are many gay men who by nature are uncomfortable in public and are generally aloof, especially if they're still in the closet. There are also many personality types who are simply introverted and for whom social interactions with strangers would not be pleasant. This doesn't imply anything, though, about whether they consider themselves superior or are reluctant to talk because they see you as unworthy of their attention. If anything it could even suggest the opposite--they might be uncomfortable and aloof because they are intimidated by you or by the people around them.

    This man could have gone out of his way to attend this auto show despite his own discomfort because of his keen interest in the matter. I personally can relate to such. I've sometimes gone to places/events where I know or expect to be around mostly straights/macho guys, despite the fact that I wouldn't be 100% relaxed because I wasn't comfortable with my sexuality yet, and as result mostly kept to myself in these places/events.

    How are you so certain his personality is not the introverted type? How are you certain he's not simply shy or intimidated? How are you so certain he wasn't just having a bad day?
     
  5. Tightrope

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    Thanks, CaCoast. I go to "coffee alone" (or tea alone) quite a bit, so I can be a "coffee alone" person. But, like you, when someone who is a regular in such a place has this act and keeps it going in perpetuity, I, too, will try to mess with them, if they take themselves too seriously. And I stay more to myself than I start conversations. However, if someone comments on a book I've got or we have something in common, like the same school t-shirt, I'm all ears and have ended up in hour long conversations. The key: no ulterior motive. If someone tries to sell me something or is "working the place," they have pierced the veil of my refuge and sanctuary, and will hear about it.

    ---------- Post added 7th Sep 2013 at 08:03 AM ----------

    Well, you're right. However, form observing him, I do think he was quite comfortable by watching his moves and I don't think he was intimidated. Mostly, I just think he came to look at the cars and wasn't the type to b.s. with others the way many people do when they're next to a turnstile or taking turns to test sit the same car. What I did was complete a "schema," I guess. It's a term we learned in psychology where people have some information or cues on a person, and fill in the gaps, to create a story. We all do it. It's very common in human nature. But, sometimes we're wrong. This was almost 10 years ago. I don't know why he made such an impression on me. I think it's because in the city, this type of guy is often seen and I elected him as the "poster child." It's actually funny that some guy out there, probably in IT or something creative, is having a thread with over 20 entries talking about him, and he's clueless about it.

    If it makes you feel better, or laugh, we had another nickname for a guy at the gym. He was "Andre." He looked like Andre Agassi when he was younger and had that full head of light brown hair. My friend and I went to the gym at different hours. "Hey, there's this short guy at the gym who looks like Andre Agassi." "Does he always wear a blue t-shirt, and sit there on a machine for a long time staring into space before he starts a set?" "Yeah, that's him." And so, then came "I saw Andre at this festival." "Who was he with?" "Alone." We decided he was probably shy, was new to the area, and, since he was too attractive not to have a girlfriend, he probably was uncomfortable with it and did not want to interact with people much. But his read was neutral to positive. Again, a "schema" was fleshed out. However, this one was neutral to positive.

    Darn, people watching is fun.
     
  6. EscapeArtist

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    I wouldn't define myself at a "statue", but I am certainly an independent introvert. I generally keep to myself and am a content homebody-though that is likely linked to my mood disorder more so than my personality. On the flip side of that I do not operate with walls like most people so once someone initiates interest I am quick to reciprocate. Because of my independence relationships in general can be difficult for me to navigate-if only bc my needs are vastly different from most.
     
  7. Willjarvis

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    I've been called aloof and told I look "stuck up". I don't think I know anyone else like that which stands to reason because I don't interact with or notice many people, but I'll those questions about myself as Night did.

    1. I speak when I'm spoken to. I smile or laugh involuntarily when I'm genuinely amused (sometimes at something in my own head when nobody is saying anything to me), when I see certain people or at dirty, if unfunny jokes. I'll affect a smile in situations I consider it polite to do so, but I doubt it looks like more than gesture. People have told that I'm serious, but I don't deliberately joke much because I'm just not that witty.

    2.No.

    3.No.

    4.No. People, including my family, think I'm stoic and self sufficient. They're wrong. I'd rather entertain those notions as a matter of pride, but I don't know how to be friendly anyway.

    Your prejudices (because no offence, but that's what it is by definition) may be accurate most of the time, but when you observe somebody who doesn't fit your psychological patterns, it's bullshit.
     
  8. Steve712

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    To build on my previous post, I'd like to give some thoughts on the OP's questions.

    My first impression is that they sound dangerously rhetorical, like the sort of question which is meant to be followed by a wave of statements like "Ugh, I know, right? Those damn statues," but I'll give a more charitable reading and assume that the questions are being posed completely seriously.

    As I said, I fit some of the behaviour patterns that are matched to the "gay statue." Yet I do in fact smile, laugh and talk, although making me laugh is pretty hard for most people (I have to admit that a lot of jokes and supposedly comical situations simply don't do anything for me). I'm not generally talkative either, but with my boyfriend and close friends the average conversation probably lasts between an hour and three hours, so it's not like I'm terminally silent or anything; it's just that I don't really find most conversations interesting, especially empty conversations about the weather or some other circumstantial observation (long line-ups, other people, etc.).

    I do have friends ... but I have to admit that I don't really know what you mean by "cut loose." Like ... do long chats about music, math and social psych count? Or is that too "serious," in which case is gossip preferable? Does cutting loose entail alcohol, or is water okay? Also, is there a neuron usage cap during times when I'm cutting looses? Just trying to see if it's something I would enjoy, you know? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I have a pretty healthy sex life, and I'm quite happy (really very quite happy, to be precise), so there's that ...
     
  9. im female but i fit this so well and i assume its what 99% of people when they see me alone at a gig probably assume about me haha. i dress well/smart (as i cant really do casual without looking like stig of the dump), but am distant and in my own little world most of the time.

    i do smile but only if others give me eye contact/inititae some kind of interaction. im just really shy and dont show emotions too well at strangers. he may just suffer from relaxed grumpy face. where he actually is enjoying himself having a great time but his relaxed face is a face you probably associate with someone being grumpy/sad. i suffer from it ha, if im not smiling my face looks non approachable so you may think he is grumpy/hates everyone but his relaxed face is just that... grumpy!

    i do a lot of things alone becuase its easier than trying to get my friends shifts to match up with mine and when they do its hardly ever, so i have to like it or lump it. this may be his case too!

    im sure some 25 year olds are like this..... well..... im 21 damn :\
     
  10. A Madd Nobody

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    Many times you mentioned that your actions were those typical of adults. If that is so, i do not plan on being a normal adult. But, in greater relevance, I do not nessesarily believe that what you did was wrong. If you found a person who's personality seems dissagreeable to your own, then you have every right not to want to approach them. That would be ok. But the fact remains that you, instead of just deciding that you do not wish to approach this person, you went along and decieded to place him in a group of unpleasent persons, and tried to discuss these "alien" persons in what could be considered a less then polite way. I believe that was your error, espeacially coming to a community that is pretty heavy-set on acceptance with your unwelcoming statements. I understand that you probably thought that this guy was one who thought he was too good for others,but in the words of Rachel Kann, "i know that its impossible to tell where anyone is coming from, so who are we to judge 'em?". At the very least, i think that if you want to discuss something like this, you should probably go to a forum more welcoming towards title placement. I personally think that characteristics should be put to people, not people put under characteristics. If that makes sense....
     
  11. AKTodd

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    Given your behavior here, I'm ecstatic to disappoint you. As far as liking or disliking you, that sounds wonderfully deep until you stop to think that there aren't really any other options. I couldn't care less about your 'process' frankly. What I care about is you attempting to denigrate other people who apparently fall into some category you don't like or feel resentment toward and then going on to try to use your age/maturity to bully people here when they objected.

    And attempting to invoke the dreaded 'political correctness' meme is an obvious rhetorical ploy intended to try to put me and others on the defensive. It's obvious, banal, and failing utterly.

    Excuse me a moment:
    :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

    Now THAT's funny!!

    You start a thread that is chock full of judgmental statements about a total stranger that you didn't even talk to and whose only 'crime' was apparently giving you a certain impression and when people object you attempt to play the victim card by saying that it's wrong for us to judge YOU?

    I think I've just thought up another new word: Hypocrisygasm

    Whatever dude. I'm past bored with you already. Fortunately, it appears that most of the folks here aren't buying what you're selling even if they choose to reply to you. Makes me feel a lot more hope for the future, frankly.

    For the poster who was concerned that the OPs behavior is characteristic of all adults - no it's really not. I don't do this sort of thing and none of the people I call friends do either.

    Tightrope - I'm done with you now.

    Todd
     
  12. Tightrope

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    Well, sure, you've spent almost 24 hours tearing me apart at length, with multi-quoting to boot. In a way, I see the ribbon that ties it together is that I sort of jumped on a few teenagers whose only thing was to tell me 'it's not nice to judge other people without knowing them,' as if they've never done it ... as if no one has ever done it. On another hand, with your posts, I ask "what's this investment in this really all about?" But thanks.
     
  13. ScatteredEarth

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    I don't quite think it's fair to put us down on the list because of our age, I find that really offensive because there are plenty of teenagers that don't fall under the 'kid' stereotype. The bottom line is people were trying to share their opinions on the matter and you pretty much attacked damn near all of them. You really need to understand that some things you say affect others.

    I refuse to make an argument out of this and my original post was really neutral on the matter, however, my opinion has changed on the matter simply because of your attitude towards simple comments.
     
  14. Night

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    God forbid a thread exists on EC without people being uptight about it all.

    It's not like the constant carefully-worded fem-bashing that takes place on this site, surely there's more appropriate people to lunge at than Tightrope.
     
  15. Caleb93

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    Like several others who have responded to this thread, I can identify with the man that you dubbed the "Gay Statue." While the man you saw very well could be an arrogant and unfriendly person, he could just as easily be a very nice, caring and likeable person with an introverted personality. As an introvert, I don't make it a point to initiate contact with others. This is not because I don't like people, think that other people are not worth my time, or think that I am better than them. It is simply because I'm not outgoing. If someone approaches me and starts a friendly conversation I will smile, acknowledge them, and engage them in conversation. I'm just not going to initiate contact with a stranger because it's not in my nature.

    You're free to think what you will about the man you saw. But don't act surprised or indignant when others on the forum disagree with your judgement. Because many of us feel that the "gay statue" could easily have been one of us--not a stuck-up, self-important individual but an average person with a common, buy commonly-misunderstood personality trait: introversion.
     
  16. Tightrope

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    Ok, maybe we should clarify something. If you think you could be mistaken as a "gay statue" but know deep down that you are not, that's fine. How about talking about "gay statues" who both are what they appear to be and for whom it is then confirmed? The common ingredient seems to be how many posters have internalized this, when it was meant for you to describe people and situations which fit both criteria and are EXTERNAL to yourself.
     
  17. BradThePug

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    This thread is no longer productive. It has become an argument. Since this has happened, this thread is being locked. If anybody has any questions, please post in ask the staff.
     
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