My dam finally broke last week everything boiled over, I snapped at work so went to med centre and unloaded, first time I said I was gay out loud. I was disappointed in myself, I didn't just completely come ou to him as trans. He signed me off for a week to start with for depression, stress anxiety and possible PTSD. I have always been that one person in the family that questions were always asked about, when you going to find a nice girl etc. I'm getting to the point I can't hide it anymore so tomorrow I'm going to unload completely to the doc. I told my sister last week, she didn't run a mile which is a start now for the harder task to tell my parents which I'm working up too, then onto the final step of walking out the door as myself. Although it was hard to make the first step, the good comes from the the subsequent small steps forward. I feel as though part of the weight has lifted but there is a long way to go. I would love any advice you can provide love, Katrina
First of all, bravo for coming out. It's hard to figure it out in yourself, let alone sharing it with other people. I wrote general tips and advice to everyone but illI post it here. I hope it helps! FYI - I have a psychology degree, worked with the LGBT community, and have a crisis intervention credential. (1) Take your time. There is absolutely no race in coming out. You can come out when you feel ready. If your safety is in jeopardy, there's no reason why you ever have to to come out. (2) Mindfulness is so important. I'd suggest meditating and writing down the thought process of your sexual identity. In general, people tend to want to escape or avoid painful feelings, and although it is completely normal, you will get the best clarity by confronting your feelings and thoughts. I challenge you to accept the feelings and thoughts as a way that your mind is trying to protect you, but not necessarily always buying what you're saying to yourself. In simpler words, you are more than any label you give yourself and you are a separate entity from your thoughts. You are solely a vessel who listens to your thoughts, and you have the power to decide to go towards or away your own values (apart from what you say/think to yourself). (3) Labeling - we get so caught up in figuring out if we are gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, transexualr, ect. The fact is sexuality is fluid. Dr. Kinsey made a test to show a spectrum but we're all more nuanced than that. Some people identify with one label and then decide to have another later and then may switch again and that's okay. You might feel more straight one day and more gay another or you may always feel like you're a lesbian. The point is sexuality and gender are fluid, so it might be more beneficial to figure out what individual person it is that you are attracted to more than how you identify. Labels make a person more rigid and since this is all about a fluid topic, it may be best to be flexible with the idea of what label makes your identity. Again, you are more than any a definition of a label. (4) Find a community. Welcome to EC! This is a great online community for you. When you are ready, your local LGBT community would open their arms up to support you. It's so nice to be around people just like you! (5) Be prepared before coming out. In any transition, there are the stages of grief/death that occurs. They are denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance. Although some go straight to acceptance, some people might have some another stage to go through before getting there. I wish for you all the love and support. We're all here for you to answer any questions. The EC community is amazing and helped me when I needed support getting out the closet, too. <3
