I am curious as to what others experience if they feel like a woman in a man's body. My experience so far, has been that sometimes I can feel briefly, yet completely free when I accept that I am a woman in my mind's eye. When I view the world around me, and tell myself that I am a woman, I feel normal and free. My body seems to "release", for lack of a better word. But it's very brief. This spell of clarity is broken so quickly out in the world ( or even in my apartment which I have a lot of mental baggage with). It's like I can only take this fantasy so far down the street, because I know that others see the man. I could continue to let my femme streak fly, but I get self-conscious pretty quickly. Plus, I feel like people will notice that I am gay, which is something that I am still trying to be comfortable with. (I realize that sexuality is different than gender, but I have had a hard time discerning where my feeling is coming from. Is it that I feel like a woman or is it that I cannot accept that I am a gay man so I am trying to be a woman? I haven't really thought about wearing woman's clothing much... I don't really consider it. Maybe it's because I feel like it's impossible considering that I am in a 37 year old man's body with hair that has started to recede in the last year. Or that it would be so hard passing that it wouldn't be worth the enormous trouble. I borrowed a wig from a friend a couple months ago, and it was not working for me if I was to pass. Mostly, I have had this super positive response to saying that I am a woman and giving myself permission to believe it. But it falls apart so quickly and I get lost again. I want that power. Today I have been experimenting with not looking in the mirror, which seems to keep me feeling more free....
I feel the same as you sometimes, to an extent. Although I've not yet considered dressing in female clothing or appearing feminine, it seems that if I tell myself I'm a woman, the world makes a bit more sense. I don't know if it's because I have gender dysphoria, or because I'm not the manliest man going around - I tend to relate to women better, and I just don't really hang out with guys that much. Unlike you, I don't want to think I'm a woman, when people say I throw like a girl, it hurts. Like you, I'm also gay and struggling to accept and be comfortable with it but I'm getting there. Good luck!
