The fear is gone, I'll do it

Hi there.
Over the past week or so I pondered on the idea that I need to start fixing things in my life before the ship is too damaged and sinks. For some reason it also coincided with a sort of manic state that lasted for approximately four days. I thus gathered the appropriate courage to decide that I'd come out to my father (I don't know if it's just another form of self destruction but I'm willing to let that one slide).
What prevented me from doing that so far was the irrational fear that my father would react badly. I can still say that there is a (really) low percentage of chances that he will, but perhaps my medium of communication will help protect me from that. I'll use an email, since it's written and easier for me to organize than speech. It'll also be in English (because I, for the life of me, still can't breach into the topic in French without my brain going into panic mode and falling back into the safety net of the English language).
I talked about the fear that disappeared, for some reason, even now that I am out of that "high" phase. I still don't understand why the fear is gone, but, eh, I might as well do the irreversible while it's gone. I'll simply tell him about me being gay, and having to keep it secret for three years, which led to some complications (I'll only mention what he has seen so far, and carefully avoid talking about self harm or possible mental illness, at least for now). I'll also ask him to keep it to himself for now, until I find an appropriate manner to deal with letting my sister and my mom know. Ah, and since I'll keep it casual, I'll also use the opportunity to send him a link of a YouTube video on graphically representing quantum physics I told him was worth watching (we're nerds).
And at this point you may be wondering, why the eff am I posting about it? Motivation, I guess. And you may wanna give me some advices. If you do, go for it.
I'll also wait for my friend, who I'm out to, to be around so that I can send my dad the email, and then if I have a breakdown, have it with them.

I'll keep you updated. Since my dad has come home from work already, and doesn't work on Wednesdays, I'll probably send it on Thursday, even though it's ready already. I could also do it today after dinner, but I would rather not have him in the house when he reads it.

Toodles.

 

Update: Since the email is ready and timing is good, I'll do it tonight. Hopefully it goes well and he doesn't freak out.

 

OK, so.
I am well. It went well. My father responded (by mail) that he wanted me to be at peace and accepted my orientation, adding that a time would come for my mother and sister to know, and that he'd support and help me.

That's good!

But, I'm probably the most troubled by all of that.. It feels weird. Awkward. I feel vulnerable and awkward around him, and I even caught myself thinking that maybe I shouldn't have done it. I don't know why. Perhaps I somewhat enjoyed keeping it a secret, to an extent. At the same time, I feel a bit more free, and somewhat eager to be again in a situation where classmates ask me whether I'm gay or not (it has happened, in the past) and I can say "yes". I'd even dare say that dating isn't such an impossible event any more, although I stay highly pessimistic regarding such matters.

Nothing has changed, otherwise.