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The ex factor..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by CHML, Apr 3, 2013.

  1. CHML

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    I'm sure this problem may sound silly to you guys and hopefully someone can manage to make me see that I am in the wrong here.

    The situation is that my girlfriend told me that she has a lot of text messages left in her phone, from girls she had before me. That when se feels bad, she likes to go through those flirty texts and see how those girls say nice things about her.

    When we started going out, I deleted everything. I just don't understand why someone would have the need to go through that stuff, because it belongs in the past. I don't even think about the girls I had before her. My entire focus is on her and only nice things I need to hear come from her mouth.

    I don't understand her point of view in this situation and she surely doesn't understand mine. Tell me I'm being ridiculous so that I can go and say sorry sweety, I understand. Cause right now I really really don't.:confused:
     
  2. I do understand where you're coming from, but I don't think it's really a big deal. So she likes to be reminded of times in the past where she felt happy and confident- so what? Her focus isn't being split between you and the past, it just sounds like her way of replenishing her confidence when she's sad.
    Just remember, She's dating you and not the Phone. But the past is worth remembering, both the happy moments she chooses to dwell on and the mistakes that make us who we are. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 3rd Apr 2013 at 04:17 PM ----------

    P.S. The thread's name made me laugh :slight_smile:
     
  3. Lexington

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    Well, I dunno. I still have mementos from jobs I used to own, even though my focus is on the one I have now. And that doesn't mean I hate my current job and wish it was like the old one. I just had some pleasant memories from those old jobs, and it's nice to look back on those. I don't recall if I have any actual physical items left from my previous relationship (it was about two decades ago), but I certainly look back on some of the nice memories from that relationship. That doesn't mean I want to get back with him (trust me - there are plenty of lousy memories from that relationship, too), or that I wish my current partner was like the old one.

    If it were your girlfriend asking for advice instead of you, I would suggest saving the texts somewhere - in a document on the computer, say. Or I'd ask her to consider if she thought she might do without those texts, simply because it apparently means a lot to you. But she's not the one asking for advice - you are. And so I'd suggest trying to accept that she's simply enjoying positive memories that will remain as such.

    Lex
     
  4. Ianthe

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    I'm going to agree with Lex on this one. I can understand that it makes you feel insecure, but you have to recognize that they are just mementos.

    And also, since getting affirmations by text message is apparently meaningful to her, make sure you send her those kinds of messages regularly. You also might try writing a letter or two. I bet she would love that.
     
  5. June Cleaver

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    To me it sounds like you feel she is romatisizing the days when she was free, or maybe one of those girls that sent them. Well my first guy had a shoebox full of patches of paper with guys names and numbers on them. He among other things he was a profesinal stripper with "The Bad Boys of Tampa Bay". It used to bother me. He was so crazy in love with me he tried to kill us both the one time I tried to leave him. Lucky for me I had a big Park Avenue Buick which heald-up well in the collision. So they meant nothing to him. Now he has serious jealousy issues so bad we could not even have a good looking waiter in a restraunt without him getting jealous. Lucky for me he went to jail for 60 months which gave me the chance to escape fineally, but that is a whole other story. My last BF used to get guys and gals numbers and flirt with others in front of me. He did it to boost his ego. At first I went crazy with jealousy until I figured out he never called any of them. It was just part of the emotional abuse I went through with him. Some people just do these things without thinking of their partners feelings.

    I sugest you talk with her and let her know how it makes you feel. Have her explain her point of view, and work out a solution as a couple. I think this would be your best bet! Good Luck, June
     
  6. CHML

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    I am constantly sending her nice messages. And she said that my compliments don't really matter because I'm forced to say those, just like her mother is. And nobody gives those nice compliments to her anymore so she likes to read back on messages that girls have sent her. I guess I'm upset because she so bluntly announced that it doesn't matter if I think she is beautiful, because she thinks I'm just forced to say that. :/
     
  7. myheartincheck

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    Sounds like she has issues with self esteem to me to be honest. That's not really something YOU can change, it's something she would have to work on.