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the dating game, should i play it

Discussion in 'Anonymous Support and Advice' started by Anonymous, Apr 9, 2012.

  1. Anonymous

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    i know there are a lot of unwritten rules when you meet someone you like. personally i am not the kinda guy that does too much too soon and i hate when people do that to me, but i do show interest. if i had a great date, i will text and say i had a great time with them and ask them out again. if i think they are attractive, i let them know. i do not go on and on about it, i just say it. but i find that whenever i do thsi and do not play hard to get, guys lose interest in me because my feelings are not that hidden. i do not want to play the games, because i really want someone that also lets me knwo how they think about me but i also do not want to be alone. so should i play the games?
     
  2. Lexington

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    I've never played those games, but that said, it seems people think there are two options after a first date. Either go into near-obsessive mode about insisting on a second date as soon as possible, or block the phone number and never contact them again. And I think it's best to play it cool either way. I'd say it's less a matter of "playing games", and more respecting how people respond to certain actions.

    If you didn't like the first date, say so kindly. "I honestly didn't feel much of a spark with you that I was hoping to, so I don't think I'll want a second date. But thank you for giving me a chance." You don't have to open it up for debate - that comment makes things clear what you thought, and does so kindly.

    If you DID like the first date, you can just float a pleasant comment their way first. "Thanks for going out with me last night - I had a great time!" Note that you're not insisting on pushing things forward - you're just giving him a positive sign. If he just says "no problem" or doesn't answer, I'd take that to mean he's probably not up for a second date. But if he says something similar back, you can float the idea of a second date back to him. Maybe in context of the activity ("I was thinking about going to see that movie/a baseball game/a concert next weekend. Do you think you might like to come along?") rather than a generic "you wanna go out again?" He may of course be unable to make that specific engagement, but you should be able to gauge from his response if he's being dismissive of that specific event, or of you.

    Lex
     
  3. Anonymous

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    thanks lex....well in this situation i went out with someone and afterward they told me to text them later and i mentioned having a good time. i have not asked them to go out again tho. they have "replied to my text messages" but nothing that seems like they are heavily interested in going out again. i did ask them what they were up to on a particular day and they responded that they were out with friends. so i think im just going to leave it in their court. they know i am interested and if they are interested they will let me know. :slight_smile: im not too pushy but im also not passive but i just feel like if they are interested and i said im interested in continuing to hang out, tehn if they are they will.
     
  4. Lexington

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    >>>well in this situation i went out with someone and afterward they told me to text them later and i mentioned having a good time. i have not asked them to go out again tho. they have "replied to my text messages" but nothing that seems like they are heavily interested in going out again. i did ask them what they were up to on a particular day and they responded that they were out with friends. so i think im just going to leave it in their court. they know i am interested and if they are interested they will let me know.

    So you ARE playing these games already. :slight_smile:

    Lex