Hello. I think the last time I posted was 2 years ago. My relationship history up to this point resembles the opening train wreck scene in the Lone Ranger movie. No, seriously it does. I am 44 years old and I am sure that I am a lesbian. I attempted discussing it with my sister and my daughter. They both asked if I really needed to label it, because love and sexuality are fluid. It feels like it matters. From where I am standing it looks like I am in the same spot I was 2 years ago, knowing and frozen frightened to take a step move forward where any type of relationship is concerned. I understand now how much bravery it takes to be yourself to step out of the shadows and say this is who I am. I was raised in a religious home, where a man is the head of the household and women do what they are told "because that is what the lord wants". I see now that my upbringing has really trained me, if that makes sense. I could be with a man, because that is what I am "supposed" to do, but my whole entire mind and body screams no. It is hard to untangle yourself from what you were trained to do and start being who you feel you are. Does anyone else feel that way? How did you do it? How did you find your bravery? Pre-covid I went to a lesbian outing and it felt awkward. I guess I was not ready to own my story or my journey to this point, I was really scared of the judgement I may receive or the lack of acceptance maybe. It feels better just getting this off my chest.
Hi, Maree. I'll start by saying that it does take bravery to claim what you know to be true in spite of conditioning and well-meaning family or friends. Labels may or may not be necessary but they are often how we make sense of things even if we know they aren't absolute truths or that they can change with time and intention. I'm not a poster-child for bravery or for confronting social norms directly. It has taken me years to own my same-sex attraction and desires and the same in addressing my gender identity and expression issues. But I know that I have found bravery, or at least context and affirmation, in the stories of others with similar experiences. Wrestling with patriarchy and patriarchal religious ideology is a monumental task but others--many of them who choose to remain religious--are doing so. And recognizing that a "man" isn't necessary to your legitimacy seems a powerful claim to be making. I hope that knowing that folks on the site and elsewhere see you and affirm you may help along the way.....
Hi and welcome back. So far I've only had the bravery to say it to myself and on here but i want to say it aloud. I want to live a life that is more genuine. I think conditioning had a lot to answer for but I want to believe we can break or of it.
Welcome back! I feel the same way. Some people say 'the label' doesn't matter, but I think if someone has been in heavy denial it's important to help understand yourself. Yes! It's one of those things I hear about and used to say 'what's the big deal' until I considered it myself
