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That lesbian eye contact thing...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Femmeme, Apr 6, 2013.

  1. Femmeme

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    Ok, maybe this is silly... but I've read about a million things about how one way to tell if a woman is a lesbian is direct, lingering eye contact. Which frankly I thought was kind of silly, I mean eye contact is eye contact, how can you read that much into it with someone you've just met?

    Tonight I was out with some friends and was introduced to a friend of a friend (she was soft butch and kinda hot.) Anyway, when we were introduced and shook hands there was this moment when our eyes locked and it seemed like she actually saw me for what I am. Her smile got a little brighter and her grip got a little tighter and it was really freaking cool. Her group was heading one way and mine was heading the other so I didn't get to talk to her much, but just that moment... that feeling of being recognized... it was wonderful.

    Like I said, maybe I'm being silly and maybe I'm completely wrong, but it felt incredible and I'll take it! :icon_bigg
     
  2. SleeplessS

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    :slight_smile: I know what you mean. It's sort of an unspoken rule I suppose, like gaydar. There are times when that eye contact on their side is absolutely uncalled for, for me I mean. The rare time when it irritates me. I'm not a hang out person and when I was at our local LGBT meeting and some movie screening, and just because I was new and everyone was kinda watching me with that whole eye contact thing, it was stressful to say the least...I'm not a very sociable person and naturally shy so. But it is nice when it's someone you like.
     
  3. Eliza

    Eliza Guest

    I know you posted this like over a week ago, but I think I might be able to answer your question.

    The eye contact you're talking about is what I like to call The Look. It's a kind of secret gay handshake. It's a look that says, "Hey! I know what you are! I'm one too!"

    I'm trying to picture it in my head so I can describe it, but I guess it varies. It's subtle and fleeting. It can look like a raised eyebrow, a smirk, a smile, or eye contact that lasts just a little bit longer than normal.

    It can be flirtatious, but it isn't always. I get The Look from gay people a lot in hostile environments, like small towns or non-gay-friendly workplaces; then it's a way of saying, "I know who you are. We're in this together." Sometimes I get it from straight-looking women who have noticed me looking at them; then it's a way of saying, "Oh hi! I saw you checking out my kitten heels and high-waisted skirt. You're cute!"

    If you're a femme, definitely practice giving The Look to other gay people, especially if you're worried about being visible. Sometimes it's the only way I can tell the difference between a femme and a straight girl. Like, if I passed Kim Kardashian on the street and she gave me The Look I would be like, "Oh my god, no way, I had no idea, that's so cool."
     
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  4. Jeff

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    For men it is the same. A look that holds slightly longer than normal is all it takes.

    I sometimes get it in the isle when shopping. Our eyes make contact, and I like to send out that vibe back that yes, I may look pretty straight, but I AM CERTAINLY NOT!!!!

    But speaking of girls, and gay women in particular. When I am bartending a party, of regular straight people, and there is a L couple, and they come over and order a couple glasses of wine or whatever. Even me being a man, I like to hand them their glasses, and say "enjoy your evening ladies" as I hand them their wine glasses, and I give them a major smile that says YOU ARE TOTALLY COOL AT MY BAR, and I KNOW THE SCORE HERE, I AM AS WELL!!!!

    Just my little way of making them comfortable, and also saying that in LA out is the new reality. This is all with eye contact more than what I say.
     
  5. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Any more tips? I'm totally clueless. When does gaydar kick in?
     
  6. Femmeme

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    Oh yay! I'm so glad to see this thread revived!

    Eliza, Yes! Exactly like that! It's happened a couple more times since then and yes I've gotten the flirty and nonflirty varieties already. I'm super duper high heels and crinoline femme, so I will absolutely be practicing. I'm already kind of shocked by how well it works.

    Jeff, it hadn't actually occurred to me to try it with men. I have a kind of fag hag vibe so gay men usually find me, though they always assume I'm a flamboyant straight woman... I'd almost be afraid they'd think I was trying to hit on them.

    Rose27, I'm just starting to get the hang of it, but it really is like asking a question with your eyes. I guess the only way to figure it out is to try it? No clue on the gaydar, I'm mostly attracted to butch women, lucky for me that's a wee bit less challenging.
     
  7. Jeff

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    If you try it with men who are obviously gay, then there will be no mistake at all that you are simply saying "hi guy, another girrrlll here, fab party huh!!!!"
     
  8. Dee

    Dee
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    Great thread : ) im totally clueless so great reading
     
  9. Jeff

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    The first clue is a double take. They look and and then look away, and then look back. This is all by accident. They simply needed another look to see if a) you are actually a bit hot, and b) could you be interested??????

    When people are in love, they stare into each others eyes, sometimes for about 10 to 15 seconds, and much longer in private.

    So if you stare into someones eyes are they are looking or talking with you, and they stare back, you have a sign. Do not blink, but just look at their soul.

    I have found that when I am in that trance, I couldn't blink if I wanted to, I was in love there for a second or two. The only problem is when you are working and you do not want others to see this mating call. I was locked in a love stare with a guy once, and I finally looked away after 20 seconds. But I wanted to look for another few minutes at least.

    I was once hot for a guy nearly 18 years younger than me. But he would stare into my eyes. Beautiful brown eyes. I think he wanted attention, and I gave it to him. He may not have wanted sex. I never made the moves on him. But we were in "love" and the long eye contact was the clue if we needed one. He would walk right up to me face to face and stare into my eyes.
     
  10. Ohana

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    That made me lol. I'm completely clueless too!
     
  11. Biotech49

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    I've definitely got to try this. I have a habit of looking at women then when they look at me I quickly look away like I didn't want them catching me checking them out. Gotta cut that out right now. Life it too short not to get a good look, even if she turns out to be straight.
     
  12. Femmeme

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    exactly!
     
  13. Rose27

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    If I make eye contact then What? At that point my face/ears will be bright red....Crap! Not sure I know how to have a grown up conversation. Have a while before ready to date but like this educational thread.
     
  14. Eliza

    Eliza Guest

    Depends. You go your separate ways, or you walk up to her and rumple your hair and shove your hands in your pockets and look adorably awkward and ask for her number.
     
  15. Femmeme

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    ^That would totally work on me.
     
  16. LailaForbidden

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    I agree. That would make me swoon so hard. :kiss: so cute!

    I think I unintentionally do the lesbian eye contact thing. Now that I think back, I'm pretty sure I did that today. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  17. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Thanks! Y'all better be here for advice when I have my first date someday.....please!
     
  18. UndercoverGypsy

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    Lol the double take. After reading that, I just realized how often I do that :roflmao:
     
  19. wanderinggirl

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    I don't like eye contact in general; it is to be minimized whenever possible. If I don't engage in it, does it mean I'm not actually bi?... hmm...
     
  20. Precious Venus

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    Ack, I'm hopeless at this. I had to have facial surgery as a kid and even though the scars healed 20 years ago, I've pretty much spent my life avoiding eye contact... especially with people I find attractive!
    Must try to practise this.