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Telling the Family

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Class Act, Feb 18, 2018.

  1. Class Act

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    So I guess you could say I'm in the process of coming out, a good amount of my friends know but not everyone, and I don't really feel like advertising it or going back to people I've known a while and saying "oh yeah, I'm gay". I'm kind of like "the people who need to know, know...except my family". I suspect they know, well at least my mom, but either of us acknowledging it is going to be a huge thing, because my family is super Anti-LGBT. Because of my career, it's eventually going to have to be publicized, so I run the risk of her finding out some other way, which I know will be worse than me telling her. I know I have to... but I'm not ready, and I don't know if it's that I really am not ready, or I'm just afraid of how I know my mom will handle it so I'm just prolonging it out.

    I hate this whole coming out thing by the way. It sucks. Fortunately I've had nothing but positive support from those I've told, I just don't think I'm ready for a negative reaction yet.
     
  2. Blueline

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    I feel you. I'm in the same kind of position too. My dad is very conservative and I just dont have the nerve to tell my mother. You're not alone.
     
  3. YepImHere

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    I'm in the same position I want to tell my family but I don't know how they'd react.
     
    #3 YepImHere, Feb 18, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2018
  4. quebec

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    Class Act.... One of the best ways to handle a coming out that may not go well is to write a letter. Writing a letter lets you be sure that you are saying things in the right way. It's lets you collect and organize your thoughts without the pressure and nervousness of a face-to-face confrontation. It also lets the recipient of the letter have some time to collect their thoughts instead of the emotional outburst that happens too often. You don't have to be present when the letter is read...and that can be a very big plus! Think about it, it may be something that will work for you.
    .....David:gay_pride_flag:
     
  5. Class Act

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    So I ended up telling my mom and she pretty much disowned me. A few friends have optimistically told me that she'll come around. Part of me doesn't care because it's what I expected, the other part of me feels more alone than I've ever been. This just sucks and I feel like I have no one anymore.
     
  6. Love4Ever

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    I am so sorry. You will never have no one. You always will have everyone on this site. I am sorry she took it so poorly. There is hope that she will realize she was wrong and come around.
     
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  7. quebec

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    Class Act.....We are your LGBTQ Family and we will always be here for you.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  8. BrainTrain

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    I'm so sorry your mom chose that kind of response. I know the exact same thing would happen if I ever told my dad that I'm bisexual.

    Really though, that's a weakness in her thinking and perceptions. She's clearly compartmentalized about sexuality and probably has her own set of baggage that she may never unravel.

    Keep yourself sorrounded by people who respond positively to your sexuality. I think what's really important in the beginning stages is positive reinforcement and validation to combat all the internal confusion and anxiety.

    And remember, you have an entire community here within reach whenever you need.
     
    #8 BrainTrain, Sep 2, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2018
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  9. Mlpguy88

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    I'm so sorry that happened. Give her some time and things will change. The best advice I can give is to do everything you enjoy and keep your chin up. Go spend time with the friends who support you, Having them around will help a lot, and keep talking to all of us. You have a whole forum of people who have your back.
     
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  10. Kasey

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    I've been out to the "world" for the past 2 years or so. I JUST sent out letters to all of my extended family. They are by and large conservative and I am terrified. I have had nothing but love and acceptance from everyone else. But my parents just "tolerate" me. Well they are going to have to further that support because everyone will know soon...
     
  11. Class Act

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    Thank you all for your support. While the situation with my mom hasn't really improved, I'm dealing the best I can.

    I started seeing a counselor and recently started a blog. Feel free to check it out:
    https://howtofigureitallout.blogspot.com/?m=1
     
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  12. Rade

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    Hello
    If your not ready, don't tell your mom yet. Most of us knew when it was time to come out or left it so long like I did, I just said it.
    So in your own time....don't feel pressured....
     
    #12 Rade, Oct 30, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2018
  13. Rade

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    Sending you a big hug XX
     
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  14. Jessica123

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    I feel for you. I literally just came out to my sisters a few hours ago and we had a massive chat about everything and I was so happy it was generally a positive reaction. There was a bit of a hiccup with one of my sisters being a bit more traditional and not believing I was born this way, as she thought society can cause sexual orientation (I ofc educated her and she seemed to understand how silly that is) I however have not told my parents because I also am scared of a negative reaction, but I’m close to my sisters and I’m glad they were fine with it and can’t believe that just happened lol. Feel so relaxed and don’t have to hide so much of my life from them now wow haha.
     
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  15. Hugh

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    I'm so sorry to hear that your mom took it so badly. I guess she was guaranteed to be disappointed to an extent but no loving parent can abandon their children for long. She will have a crisis of conscience and hopefully want to discuss it some more. Keep us posted on it. Many here have had terrible experiences coming out so you're in good company