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Telling my mom I want a binder

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by CactiCat, Jan 21, 2019.

  1. CactiCat

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    So I want to get a binder. I’m not trans and I don’t have dysphoria. I just want a flat chest. I’m too afraid to tell my mom though. Im afraid she wont understand. Im afraid of how she might react. What should I do? I could live without one but I at least want to try it. Also, is there any way to get it without her knowing? I wouldn’t send it to a friends house because I don’t want them to assume anything.
     
  2. amylase

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    have you tried sports bras? my girlfriend has the same experience of not being trans yet still not liking her chest. sports bras has worked for her, although if you have a bigger chest it may not work as well.
    some helpful things to cover up a bigger chest;
    sports bras, big hoodies, multiple layers, wearing more jackets w outfits, avoid v-necks or low cut shirts

    if you think that a binder is what you need though, i think you should express that need to your mother as long as you know you'll be safe. :slight_smile:
    but if your safety is a concern, the stuff i listed above would be helpful for now. good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  3. CactiCat

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    I’ve asked for a sports bra but I’ve been told that there is no need for one because my chest is small. I do want to tell her I want one, but how can I keep her from assuming things?
     
  4. amylase

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    if you want to tell her and don't want her assuming things, you gotta just go for it in this scenario. maybe ask her "hey, i know that my chest is small, so sports bras aren't really necessary, but I like my chest looking flatter. I don't want to be a boy, I'm not trans, but that's just how I feel most comfortable." and that should clear any confusion. I know it's hard to explain exactly why you'd like a flat chest, but she doesn't have to 100% understand that. as long as she understands that that's what makes you comfortable, i'm sure she'd be more open.
    if you still get a 'no', the options i listed above are still good ways to make your chest seem way flatter. usually the rule of thumb is; the more layers, the better
     
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  5. Kronux

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    There are some online shopping sites where the package doesn't give away what is inside (maybe order it when a birthday is coming up, so then you can just shut any questions off).
    But if you want your mother to know maybe just explain her very truthfully that you sometimes don't like the way your chest looks/feels and that you would feel more comfortable but that this has nothing to do with your gender and that you are still happy being a girl.
     
  6. Kevin k

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    I don't know much about binders, but telling parents you want an item that is related to your "abnormal" sexuality is always a struggle. When I was 14 I asked my dad if I could buy a sex toy, his reaction was to send me to a psychologist. Tread lightly and don't be disappointed when she says no.