10 days ago my wife found me out and I finally came all the way out to her. I thought living under the guise of straight for so damn long would work. Then I thought I could hide as a bisexual forever like I've done for the last year. It's proven to be much less simple. I've fought myself on this for so many years that I really have lost myself. I've felt more and cried more in these last 10 days than I think I had in all my 37 years previous. My emotions crashing like waves on a beach. Only I never know when they'll come. Suppressed memories smack me across the face and claw at my heart. Saying I'm gay was finally so easy. Why is the aftermath so phucking hard?
Starfish.....Coming out can be really rough and it sounds like you had a particularly difficult experience. My experience coming out to my wife sounds a lot like yours...waterfalls of tears, uncontrollable sobbing, etc. It was hugely difficult. What you are going through right now is actually not unusual in your situation. That doesn't mean it's easy...its' not. I don't know if things have calmed down enough in the last ten days that you and she have been able to sit down and have a conversation. If you haven't, I hope that you will soon. What's important is that you are still you. She now knows about a part of you that she wasn't aware of before...but you are still you...that has not changed. Many times in a relationship where one partner comes out LGBTQ, the other partner fears that they will be left without a place to live, without financial support, without companionship, etc. It's those fears that need to be addressed. When I came out to my wife it turned out that we both were fearful of divorce. Neither of us wanted a divorce. We had built a life together and did not want to lose it. So we have worked out a way for us to stay together. Each of you will have concerns that your LGBTQ status has brought to light...it's those concerns that need to be discussed and hopefully worked out so that both of you can live with the results. If the two of you can sit down and work through these concerns it will certainly make things better for both of you. Also...you didn't mention children. If you do have kids, minors or adults, they must also be considered in this process. Please keep us updated on how this all continues to work out. I am also going to send you my regular "Hello!" post that that I send to new Empty Closets" members... I just felt like sending this email first was more important. Remember...you are part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! .....David
Starfish.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation”, there are people there who have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. *****When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can send me a Private Message. .....David
Thank you David. We have been able to talk some , she's just been working a lot (life of a chef). I was so worried she was going to kick me out and I would lose everything I love so much here. We don't have kids together (I have 2 from a previous relationship) but we do have 2 dogs and a cat that have been keeping me sane. The thought of losing them and being driven from our pretty piece of woods has been so overwhelming. She's reassured me that that isn't going to happen but I still worry about it. She really is a wonderful woman with so much love to give and empathy for everyone. I hope that one of these days I'll wake up and not have these worries. I really appreciate your words, encouraging during these tough times.
Hello, @StarfishCommand, and welcome to EC! I'm sorry you've had such an emotionally-harrowing coming out, but I'm also glad you finally wound up doing so. Take all the time you need to work through this, and above all, let yourself feel your feelings; it sounds like you need it.