Tell Me What You Want, What You Really Really Want

I would wish for the courage to be myself and accept myself some 30 years ago rather than now over halfway through life. Boys or girls, just self acceptance, not the hell that I endured. Its hard when watching a movie like Love Simon. Portrayed as being able to be himself at such a young age. Kind of makes one feel like a coward. Also watched the Mathew Shepard Story and had a stark reminder that it always wasn't safe back then and in some areas still not today.
Would most likely just wish to be young today in an affirming area and let myself be free to the possibility of any sex or gender.

Dean

 

I use to Love The Spice Girls !!! You made me want to listen to that song ! Ahh being a child of the 90s lol.

If I had to make a wish it would sound cheesy “ it would be to have peace , love , equality, healthy people in this world, to remove all the nasty toxins in our foods, air and within people in general ..literally.” I would wish for a free world , of judging, sadness, greedy people, power, but free to love ,be, free of debt, money, evil..etc” that’s my long cheesy wish because we live in a sad world

 

I actually watched Love Simon myself and that movie was so cute, I feel like more movies should be in theaters like that instead of the usual traditional straight couples... I also watched Mathew Shepard, my professor in college made my class watch it. It was really sad I couldn’t stop thinking about his story.

 

What I really want would have been to come out gay as a teen and enjoy those years not having to fake attraction to women. To have been able to harness the passion and sexuality of the teen years with another male just seems like it would have been heaven. I would have wanted to be married to a man and experience what a real married relationship is like. Would have wanted to early on eliminate my compulsory heterosexuality and toxic masculinity.The future holds numerous possibilities.

 

I dont remember where I was or what I was doing when I heard about Mathew Shepard. I do remember feeling sick and extremely numb - like I wanted to vomit (which I did not). I've been to Fort Collins CO where Mathew died, looked at the front of the hospital where he was taken. I got the shakes and I felt sick all over again. I have not been to the sight where he was tied to a barb wire fence.

This threads title: Tell Me What You Want, What You Really Really Want? I want a world where this does not happen again.

 

The exact same thing. Finding that kind of a connection with someone seems to be impossible.

 

I think the quoted material pretty much sums it up. I love the simplicity of the words above and feel I will ponder them for the day. I'll be asking myself ~"ok how to achieve getting a partner where this can be had?"

 

I remember Matthew Shepard. I had actually been out for years at that point. It's interesting that the main thing I think about when I remember Matthew Shepard is the candlelight vigils and in particular the angels. For me it's such a powerful image of the community coming together to face the hate with strength, grace and beauty.

 

I was not out. And I remember crying. This was also the first time I had heard of Westboro Baptist Church. Then nut jobs protest everything. Thankful for the angles and the patriot guard for blocking them out of funerals.

 

Reflecting. I didn't know I was "in" at that point. (aka not knowing I was gay)

 

I wish I'd known that I was gay rather than waste so much of my youth pretending and trying hard to make something happen between me and men that just wasn't meant to be. I wish I'd known about compulsory heterosexuality and internalized homophobia. I wish I had more supportive friends and family who weren't homophobic. I wish I had a lesbian mentor to show me the ropes while I was young and fumbling my way through adolescence. I wish I can meet a wonderful woman now, and make her mine.

 

A woman who loves me and accepts me for who I am who I can endlessly talk to and laugh with and travel with and come home to and do all the romance things and just do life with.

 

It makes me nervous to even say this, like the fates might be listening, but what I really want is for none of this to ever end. Life's good!

 

Svenbutton

Have you never experienced this in your life within your marriage. Even in the early days?

To answer your question. If I was looking at my birthday cake I would wish there were 45 candles on it instead of 60. My life from the time I was 45 till 55 was better than anyone could ever ask for. I had everything I could possibly want.

But. Having had this, I know that it was a process to get there that involved taking chances, learning and hard work. So, I know I can reach that level of satisfaction again and the next phase will be even better.

 

Yes, yes, yes!!!

 

You wrote what I have been feeling for such a long time! Not so sure about the future, at this age, but I'm hopeful.

 

I think he was from Idaho, where I now live.

 

I hope it is not impossible, but only more difficult to achieve, at our age. I think it may be possible, but we'll have to try much harder (ooo, I remember being able to get so much harder, too!).

 

Answering your questions in a very, honest way:

- there's still a part of me who wished I weren't gay...a part of me who just wishes to stay happily married with the woman I chose, having no sexual drive towards anyone other than her. It's easier to conform. I hadn't heard about Matthew Shepard before, so I googled and I thought there's a lot of homophobia in my country right now and that's scary;

- that being said, at the same time I wish I could be out and free. Amazingly, I've found someone I know I have an incredible bond with (and I know he feels the same), but we can't act on it, not only because I'm still married, but neither of us are out yet. So it hurts way too much. I also wish my family would accept me for who I am (I know they wouldn't/won't);

- I wish we could all live in a world where everyone could be accepted for being true to themselves. No need to fear or to hide away. I wish nobody had to cope with what I (all of us, actually) had to cope with (or are still coping).