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Talking to someone new

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by GazesToClouds, Oct 12, 2021.

  1. GazesToClouds

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    To start, a little bit of history to help you understand why this is so important for me (i know it might seem silly). When i was six i had leukaemia (ALLPh+) and thats a rather traumatic experience but its virtually impossible for me to explain what it was like and the effects it has had on my life. The big changes and the small, a normal person would never understand it all. I just dont have the words to explain it all. In my fifteen years of remission i have never met someone who knows what its really like. Until now.

    I have been in this social media group like thing for young adults who have/had cancer or have family with cancer. Even among the majority of people there i found it very isolated as most of them were just close family of people with cancer (children or grandchildren mostly) and i always struggled to relate to them as i just couldnt see how the experiences were remotely similar.

    Yesterday i was messaged by someone who saw my introductory post there and she told me she had also survived leukaemia, and i cried. For the first time in my life, someone knew. They really knew, exactly what it was like. We chatted a bit about it yesterday and shared a few stories and experiences. I have never felt myself so eager for someone's conversation. I feel like i could talk to her for hours on end. I feel myself craving her conversation even though i know so little about her, i feel for the first time in my life i am not alone with this trauma and these memories.

    Being able to talk to someone who understands everything, because they have the same experiences. It feels like a warm hug.

    I dont really know how to phrase what im trying to ask, so i kinda just wanna know how to not screw up talking to someone.

    TL;DR im just an awkward dude trying to talk to a girl >.<

    (also i know this isnt related to my sexuality or gender or anything like that, i just didnt really have anywhere else i was comfortable to share this please feel free to remove if its an issue)
     
    #1 GazesToClouds, Oct 12, 2021
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2021
  2. BiGemini87

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    Hello, @GazesToClouds! I don't think there's anything wrong with you posting about it here. This is about family, friends and other types of relationships, after all. :slight_smile:

    I think, cliche as it may sound, you just need to be yourself. Try not to overthink it too much; when you're talking with her, just go with the flow. Chances are, she might be as shy and awkward as you feel, and it might be a relief to talk to someone else who's struggling with how to relate on a "normal" scale.

    I think another thing you can consider is making sure she has as much time to express her thoughts, feelings, etc. as you do regarding whatever subject you enter into--be it about your shared trauma or something else. Let her know you are listening and that you're there if she needs to talk about anything.

    I hope it goes well for you. If you want, keep us in the loop. If you ever need help, my PMs are open.
     
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  3. GazesToClouds

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    Thanks Gemini, im just struggling to keep my excitement contained really i dont wanna come off too needy or anything. Ive never really felt like this about anyone before. I dont really get excited about much as ive not really been in the best state of mind for about a year or so now, but whenever i see a new message pop up from her i actually feel myself smile. It actually frightens me somewhat, i fear i will make a mistake and i might push her away. I have this mixture of feelings i cant quite describe in a single word. Anticipation, joy, fear, hope, calm i just cant quite work out how i feel and thats a new experience for me. I guess i have to be patient and just see what happens. She is in the middle of finishing highschool at the moment so she is super busy studying and i find i lack the patience to want to wait for her to reply. All i want to do is talk and talk and talk. I know i just need to wait, but waiting is hard. Every time my phone buzzes i get this giddy anticipation its her but alas it usually isnt. I know i probably sound like an idiot but thats just how i feel i guess.
     
  4. BiGemini87

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    @GazesToClouds You don't sound like an idiot at all; it's completely normal to feel a bit giddy and nervous when you start having feelings for someone. :slight_smile: I think for your own peace of mind though, when she is busy with school stuff and such, you should try to find something else to occupy your time with. That way the day doesn't drag on and you can still find enjoyment outside of your communiques with her.

    I think, given your presence of mind in not wanting to come on too strong, you'll be fine. If you feel yourself spinning a bit and are afraid you'll say or do something impulsive, as silly as it sounds, try taking some deep breaths. For something so natural and basic, it does a world of good in calming down those jitters.
     
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  5. tidalpool127

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    Hey Gazes, to echo BiGemini87 you are not an idiot. Nor is what you are feeling abnormal. I cannot personally relate to your experience, but wanting common ground with someone, wanting to feel a sense of belonging and a sense of being understood I think these are things most people want. A fear of being rejected, these things are all perfectly normal things to feel. I hope things go well with your new friend. I'm not telepathic, but I would wager that your shared connection is important to her as well.
     
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