Hey guys! I'm 19 years old and I've known I was gay since I was maybe 14/15.. I like to think that I'm kind of okay with the fact by now, it took me a long time, but I have come a long way from when I first figured it out and it seriously panicked me. Now I'm in a position where I think I'm ready to come out, but I just can't. I don't know if it's because of shame or whatever (like, I'm not 100% okay with myself yet, but I'm not sure if I ever will be!). My friends do kind of know, because I feel like it's pretty obvious how gay I am, I'm kind of a stereotype, and I've always talked about people I like in a gender neutral way etc. and recently, around my close friends anyway, I've kind of started mentioning girls? But I'm not even close to that yet with my family... And I hate it... I want to be open and okay with it, but I'm too much of a coward to just say it. I also live in Ireland, where there's a serious amount of discussion around lgbt issues because we vote on marriage equality in exactly a week. And I just feel like I'm living a lie. All because I'm too much of a coward.
Being nervous is normal, and it was a big leap for a lot of us. It definitely takes off a lot of pressure once you finally just say it, even though saying it isn't always easily done. Either way, I wish you the best.
If you suspect your friends already know, keep throwing some subtle hints if you aren't confident enough yet; it always reaches a point where NO ONE is surprised of seeing you with a girl. Do whatever fits you best, but YES, it feels strangely relieving to be out.
The marriage equality vote gives you the perfect opportunity to have this conversation with people. How would you feel about asking other people how they intend to vote in the referendum? If you get a positive answer then I think you are pretty safe telling them. Even if you choose not to tell them immediately, you will have a much better idea if they are an ally. If someone votes yes to same sex marriage, they are unlikely to be a raging homophobe.
