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Taking the leap...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by arturoenrico, May 31, 2013.

  1. biAnnika

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    This sounds like a promising start, arturo.

    Congratulations and good luck as you continue to move forward! *hugs*
     
  2. wrhla

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    That's really wonderful, art-e. It sounds like you handled it extremely well, and I'm sure your daughter will recover after she has digested the news.

    Mazel tov.
     
  3. aliveandwell

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    Wow, man, I am so impressed with your courage. I have a feeling beyond the exhaustion, once you pass through that [quickly] that you'll feel an exhilaration from that no longer being stuffed. Your kids love you - that's obvious. And it's obvious, also, where they got their compassionate, open hearts. You done good, kid. Be proud of yourself. Sleep well on a job well done.
     
  4. arturoenrico

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    Feel a little bad now because my daughter is not doing well. She's really social and she was isolating tonight and avoiding me. She seems really worried & admitted to my wife that she is angry with me, not for being gay, but for the disruption to the family. It is all so hard to deal with.
     
  5. biAnnika

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    I understand your pain, arturo. But give her time. This news is still really new for her...she needs time to process it all. In time she'll realize that this isn't something you're *doing*...this is something you *are*. She needs time to mourn the changes this will bring...but also to recognize the inevitability of it and the ways in which it is right and fair that these changes happen. But she will get there. *hugs*
     
  6. aliveandwell

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    I think one of the best things we can give our kids as they get older is our believing in them. Yeah, this is uncomfortable for her. Life is full of discomforts - you know that from all you've carried. Our victories usually come with overcoming discomforts and obstacles. Our jobs with the young'ns - and about all we really can do - is telling them we have confidence in them, confidence in their abilities to get through a hard patch. It's natural you'd feel like hell - like you brought this down upon her - but you didn't. It's really all just circumstantial. These are the circumstances. Do they suck right now? Evidently to her they do. Can she cope with all that and eventually pass through to the other side and find peace and resolution? I'd venture to guess, Yes. She's your daughter after all. She carries your strength.

    At some point maybe you'll be able to share some of your own vulnerability with all this info - and how it's also hard for you - also someone dealing with the 'neutral' circumstances of a neutral universe where people are people - and we don't necessarily all fit within the lines. Be patient. Sit in the discomfort. You'll be alright. So will she. Peace will return - and your girl will be safe and secure with her papa once again. Be the peace you'd like to see in her. You're a good man - nothing less. Go be that with your daughter. You know how.
     
  7. pnattmbtc

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    I am so happy for you! I am also encouraged for my own situation. Congrats! Positive thoughts and Prayers headed your way!
     
  8. LateRobert

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    Congratulations my friend.

    I felt your pain as you were planning on coming out to your kids. I am so touched reading your story and by the lovely words of support you sent to your daughter.

    You must feel exhausted, but a bit relieved.

    Robert
     
  9. Gaysibling

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    I can understand that it is upsetting that your daughter not happy at the moment. However, it is important to bear in mind that while you have had a long time to come to terms with your sexuality, this is all new to her. Give her time and I am sure that she will be fine.
     
  10. bingostring

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    Well arturo.. Here's one EC'er in London with a lump in his throat...! Well done you.

    Don't be fearful about your daughter. Such early days.. she will come to a position of clarity soon enough.

    Xx

    (*hug*)
     
  11. Samson

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    Congrats!!! You must feel so light ! Give you kids time, that's a major news for them. I'm really glad for you that you son is taking it so well!! Your girl will improve with the time. (*hug*)
     
  12. arturoenrico

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    Thanks everyone..I don't think I would have come to this point of being able to tell the kids without EC. I know she needs time, of course. She did tell her best friend which was a good thing to do. Unfortunately, she is a worrier. She worries that my wife is not happy and asked her how will she get happy again? Actually, she is a sweet, and in some ways naive girl. She loves the family' the four of us but also the larger extended family. She worries how this will work out.
     
  13. EddyG

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    From what you've written here and below your daughter sounds very very much like mine. I'd say give her time, they need time to process this and it will be hard for a while, my daughter also is angry with me for disruption but also for "lying" for so many years, she does understand the complexities though, and in the long run I think things will be okay, it's just the next couple months will be up and down I think. But yeah for the long run you've done the right thing. {hugs}
     
  14. Lakota

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    From what you have told us here, I can tell these kids have great parents. I am glad you had the strength to take this step. Your daughter will come around, and life will go on. You have really established an honesty link with your children. This event in your life is a positive thing. Very happy and proud of you.

    Lakota
     
  15. greatwhale

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    I have just spent the last 48 hours helping with my wife's move to her own place. It's disruptive all this coming out business, but I want to share a conversation I had with my daughter this afternoon.

    She felt that now, in the new place that they are in, which is actually quite nice, that this is the real new beginning (I had already moved out in late April).

    Thank you for sharing with us your story and your struggles, I am certain your daughter will finally accept the situation, all you need to do, all you can do, is just be there when she will finally reach out to you.
     
  16. mm54

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    It sounds like you and your spouse have handled things quite well. May I ask how long it was between telling your spouse and telling the kids?
     
  17. arturoenrico

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    It was about 8-9 months.
     
  18. Runnerrunner

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    My heart is swelling with pride and joy for you. I was in the exact same spot just 5 months ago, so I know the stress of the "event." If your kids are like mine, they'll love you no matter what. The rest of the mess is tougher to deal with.

    Congrats, and if I were there you'd be getting the best hug you ever had. Well done!
     
  19. Fellow

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    Well I'd say it went well, it seems they all love you and still are catching up with all of the situation which is totally unexpected for them I suppose, but soon enough they will figure all their stuff out and in no time they will even be arranging dates for you :wink: