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Taking the leap...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by arturoenrico, May 31, 2013.

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  1. arturoenrico

    arturoenrico
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    Tomorrow morning, I'm coming out to my kids, 17 year old boy and 20 year old girl. I feel this is the right move but I'm worried about wrecking their world. I am sad at the impending break up of the family unit. I know they may be angry, hurt, ashamed, scared. I feel at times they will hate me. I'm very close to both of them and integrally involved in their lives and I don't want that to change. I'm afraid they will distance themselves. In New York it is 10 pm and I just made a big pot of pasta for my son since he just came home from playing ball all night. We'll chat and watch a little tv. I hope I'm doing the right thing....I'm a little freaked out. Wish me good luck.:confused::confused::dry::confused:
     
    #1 arturoenrico, May 31, 2013
  2. Zoe

    Zoe
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    You're doing a very courageous thing. I wish you the best of luck. Please write and let us know how it goes.

    --Zoe
     
    #2 Zoe, May 31, 2013
  3. Gaysibling

    Gaysibling
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    Good for you. It won't be easy (although it might be easier than you anticipate) but it will be a weight lifted. Your kids are probably aware something is up ...and finding out what it is may very well be a relief for them as well. Hope it goes well. :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Gaysibling, May 31, 2013
  4. I am straight

    I am straight
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    I wish you the best of luck, arturoenrico. I think that you will be glad that you came out. From reading the coming out stories from people on this board, it seems as though people always/almost always are glad that they came out after they came out.
     
    #4 I am straight, May 31, 2013
  5. greatwhale

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    Our thoughts will be with you tomorrow, Arturo.

    It's a necessary step toward the truth. It can be brutal, all this honesty, but it can also be done as tenderly as possible, with all the love and respect that you have for your kids. From reading your posts, I know that you are capable of doing this exactly as it needs to be done and with a high degree of sensitivity and understanding.

    All the best, and keep us posted!
     
    #5 greatwhale, May 31, 2013
  6. biAnnika

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    Omg, this sounds scary...but positive. Afterwards, you will know how they feel...really feel...about who you really are. Or at least you'll get their initial reaction...how they really feel may still take some time. But you'll know something.

    I wish you such luck and grace.
    -- Annika
     
    #6 biAnnika, May 31, 2013
  7. wrhla

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    I hope all goes well. You're doing the right thing. That's not necessarily easy, but you and your kids will eventually know that it was for the best.
     
    #7 wrhla, May 31, 2013
  8. DrWhoFan

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    Good luck, its a really difficult step I will have myself one day. Be strong and brave and let them know how much you love them.
     
    #8 DrWhoFan, Jun 1, 2013
  9. Dublin Boy

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    Good Luck my Friend :slight_smile: (*hug*)
     
    #9 Dublin Boy, Jun 1, 2013
  10. EddyG

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    best of luck, my thoughts are with you arturoenrico.

    They may indeed be angry with you, mine sure are, but I'm also convinced that if you start out with a strong relationship with your kids, that will not just disappear, it'll take a little while but things will be okay in the long run. Sending positive thoughts and vibes your way!! {hugs}
     
    #10 EddyG, Jun 1, 2013
  11. SwirlingOcean

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    You can do it!!! Good luck!
     
    #11 SwirlingOcean, Jun 1, 2013
  12. Parsley

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    arturoenrico, you sound like an absolutely wonderful father. That is all your children need from you, and something not enough children have. Yours are truly lucky. :slight_smile:

    What you need is to be honest with the world about yourself. This will not in any way affect you being the wonderful father that you already are. It might even make you a better father once you have that weight lifted.

    Good luck telling your kids today. (*hug*) (*hug*)
     
    #12 Parsley, Jun 1, 2013
  13. Biotech49

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    (*hug*) Good luck! If it isn't okay with them right away it will be in time, rest assured. (*hug*)
     
    #13 Biotech49, Jun 1, 2013
  14. Lakota

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    Your children may amaze you, this honesty you are telling them shows the deep trust in them you have. This is real, honesty. I wish you best of luck.

    lakota
     
    #14 Lakota, Jun 1, 2013
  15. Samson

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    Good luck Art., my though will be with you. (*hug*)
     
    #15 Samson, Jun 1, 2013
  16. Femmeme

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    Good luck. You'll be in my thoughts. (*hugs*)
     
    #16 Femmeme, Jun 1, 2013
  17. mnguy

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    Good luck, man! How'd it go?
     
    #17 mnguy, Jun 1, 2013
  18. derrik

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    I am thinking of you after reading your post

    I am 65 and have shared only with a few

    Good luck and trust in the process - honesty never hurts
     
    #18 derrik, Jun 1, 2013
  19. arturoenrico

    arturoenrico
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    Well it went well. What does Julie Andrews sing in Sound of Music, "something good" I must have done something good to have these kids. We had a family meeting, the kids, my wife and I. I explained that as they know I have been very depressed for a while and as a result had done a lot of soul searching to understand why. I then just told them "straight" out that I was gay and that I had been participating in support groups. I told them I had told mom a few months ago and a few friends. I was just honest about the whole deal. I told them that I hadn't had a relationship with anyone, hadn't cheated on mom. We also told them (my wife keeps changing her mind on this one) that we were all staying together in the house for now; we were not making any changes in the family structure. I let the kids know that they could tell whoever they wanted; it was ok with me. I feel like I've been researching how to do this now for weeks. I told them I'm the same person I always was but that I needed to accept myself if I was going to be happy. My son spoke first. He said he was really glad that I told them and he thinks it will be better for me. He said we shouldn't keep anything from him because he can handle things and wants to share the "burden". He also added that he is planning to go away for college and sometimes thinks he wants to go far but he wants us to know its only because he wants to stand on his own two feet. My daughter sat stony faced, looking very upset, saying nothing. After I spoke, she said she had to go to her room, which she did and a few minutes after she left the house. My wife called her and she was at a close friends house. She told this friend, who she's known since preschool, that I had come out to them. Her friend was supportive. She came back and spoke to my wife; she was upset because she doesn't want anyone to be sad, she's worried that things will change, and she's worried that mom won't have health insurance (if we divorce). But, my daughter had a rocky afternoon; she went to a party and felt ill and needed to be picked up. After our family meeting this morning my son asked me to play scrabble with him; we have always played games since he was little. Later in the day I sent my daughter the following text:

    Jess, I love you so much and I want everything to be the same between us. Mommy and I will always be friends. Nothing is changing now. I am doing what I need to in order to achieve some happiness and self-acceptance. I'm sorry for any pain or upset I've caused you. You know I am proud of you everyday. You are beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, fun loving. And of course everybody always adores you. she texted me back that she loved me too.

    I'm feeling good and hopeful but mad exhausted. I am sending big thanks to all my EC friends who have been so supportive:eusa_clap
     
    #19 arturoenrico, Jun 1, 2013
  20. Gaysibling

    Gaysibling
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    I am so glad to hear this. Well done for having the courage to take this step. All things considered, it sounds as though it went very well. Just bear in mind that it will take them both a while to digest this. Today your son was great and your daughter needed time to process. Later those positions may switch back and forth.

    The most important thing though is that they know you love them and you know they love you. big hugs from far away.
     
    #20 Gaysibling, Jun 1, 2013
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