Today I will be going to my Nanas house to go to a barbeque and swim. The only problem is that I am an FTM trans boy and hate my body. It has been extremely hot and I will need to go swimming but I'm too nervous. I have swim trunks and a binder that I bought specifically for swimming and another one to change into after but I'm too scared. Being around people and showing my body that looks so feminine is hard. I'm not on hormones and have not had any surgeries yet. To make matters worse, I will be meeting my aunt's boyfriend today and my nana is prone to misgendering me. All the time. I know it takes time but she's known for about six-eight months now. It often feels like she isn't even trying. Shell use my dead name and when my mom corrects her shell say "well it doesn't bother HER that much does it?". I'm petrified about today. Even though its extremely hot I don't think I'm gonna end up swimming. We leave in about ten minutes and I'm so nervous.