[Survival] Scenario Game [Of the most Creative]

Thankfully, my childhood was spent training with Tibetan monks. I immediately spring into the dreaded "reverse cowgirl" position (no relation), in which I pull into a deadly handstand, so that my leg cramp becomes a non-issue. I manage to kick my way to a sewer, saving myself from the zombies.

As I make my way down the ladder, chased only by the moans of the undead, I find myself descending into near complete darkness. It seems the EMP bomb has knocked out any lights in the sewer. As I reach the bottom, I stop. There is scurrying in the shadows. Rats?
No, not rats. Sewer mutants.
I find myself standing at the bottom of a ladder, in pitch black, with sewer mutants surrounding me completely. Unarmed and alone, I see no way out of this situation. Suddenly, they charge...

(this is fun!)

 

Thankfully, the fire-breathing alligator does not understand that happens when fire comes into contact with methane. I climb the ladder to get a little height. As the alligator tries to light me up, the sewer bursts into flames, singing my shoelaces. That's one cooked gator.

You did not take into account, however, the fact that ladders are not fireproof. It buckles, sending you downwards. Egads! You find yourself safe for the moment, with a wall on one side and fire surrounding you. There's smoke everywhere. You have nothing on you, and you see no ways of extinguishing the fire. Damn the city's waste management services for not putting fire extinguishers down here! Now what...?

 

Using my amazing climbing skills I immedietly scale the wall to find luckily that there is a tunnel leading away from this fire filling hall. I congratulate myself for taking a course in rock climbing that one time.

However, I suddenly find that the tunnel I was crawling along steeps downward at once, becoming something like a slide. I slide down this smelly tunnel and upon landing at the bottom, fall badly and sprain my ankle. Crap.
If this seems like it could not get any worse, upon closer inspection of where I have just landed, I spot a load of explosives lined up against the back wall and a ticking time bomb with barely a minute left. As if this too was not bad enough, I see the only exit out is blocked by a huge rock that I could not possibly move even with a good ankle. I cannot run, I cannot hide and I'm about to be blown up. Now what?

 

I pull out a spoon from my inventory and begin to strike the ground violently! As the explosives reach near detonation, the floor beneath me collapses, and I fall even deeper into the earth. I come out of the other side of the earth to a new city.

Unfortunately, the city is swarming with metronomes ticking. *tick* *tick* *tick*. Your ankle is still sprained and the metronomes are hoping closer to you every second. You look back into the hole from where you popped out of and see that there is a dark scary monster patiently waiting to eat you. The metronomes are coming closer, you cannot run, and you cannot go back the way you came. what now?

 

It's thankful that robotic cities have a high volume of mirrors built at intersections, so the robots can see around the corner. I drag myself to a streetcorner, and manage to wrench a mirror from it's holder. I use the mirror to deflect laser blasts first at the robots, then at the local generator. The resulting explosion and power cascade effectively shut down the city. Huzzah. I hang around the city a while, feeding on various plants and animals the robots kept to survive, until my ankle heals. With food stores depleted, I finally decide to venture out of the city...

It is at this point you realize why the robots needed to kill all living creatures. It seems you have found your way into an island filled with prehistoric creatures. As you explore the island, you find yourself haunted by movements in the bushes. Occurring at first only every few minutes, you find them become more and more common. As you move into a clearing, the noise reaches a crescendo. You see swarms of velociraptors coming from the bushes (the real ones that were like 2 feet tall, not the Jurassic Park ones). You take a step, and see the mass shift in anticipation. It is now that you realize they are waiting for you to move before they strike. With no weapons, no higher ground, and a swarm of velociraptors watching your every step, what do you do!?

 

You suddenly remember the episode of Futurama where Leela uses a Logical Paradox to destroy the Robot Santa, so you shout out as loud you can "Inconsistent premises always make an argument valid." stopping all machines in their tracks.
They start thinking about the question and one by one their heads start to explode, while this is happening to drag yourself along the ground using your chin, because you're using your arms to gather beetles off the ground to feast upon to increase the healing rate of your broken ankles.
You've made it to a pit full of over sized beetles and just as you drop in the robots start to repair themselves because they're equipped with "paradox absorbing crumple zones" and they start after you. Now just as you start to gorge yourself on the larger beetles found in the pit, to increase the healing rate of you ankles, a giant eagle swoops down and mistaking you for a beetle grabs you with it's mighty talons and flies off into the distance carrying you with it.
How do you plan to escape for the eagle before it eats you/ takes you to it's nest you feed to it's young. Your ankles are almost fully healed by now because you continue to eat the smaller beetles crawling over you, but the beetles in return have eaten all you clothing so you have nothing left but your body hair.

 

Oh noes! =( Just ignore my post and keep going on from Rette's seeing as how he posted first and it's much more creative and better written than mine.

 

Without warning a tidalwave comes. I quickly grab the strongest tree I can find and hang on for dear life as everything else is washed away, including all the threats. Luckily it doesn't last that long and I hop off, feeling pleased that I had the arm strength to hang on during the onslaught.

However as I stumble onto the wet ground, it sucks me down, and quickly I'm down to my neck, with nothing to grab onto, with most of the surroundings being washed away. Dammit, now what?

 

With a recent tidal wave just having been, you bless the water making it holy. The undead begin to melt.

The US army then turns up and start hitting the nearby area with friendly fire, no change there then, they are all so trigger happy they cannot be reasoned with and will eventually hit you.

 

Using a series of backflips, I manage to dodge the friendly fire and walk away feeling pretty proud of my gymnastic skills.

As I'm metaphorically patting myself on the back, my foot slips, I reach out with my hand quickly and realise that the slipping sensation was a result of me nearly toppling over the edge of a cliff and into a shark infested sea, yet I'm still holding on with one hand. I attempt to grab onto more of the cliff with my other hand but accidently grab a cactus growing off the side, thus making the other hand useless. I feel a tickling sensation on my hand clinging to the cliff face and notice a caterpillar walking across my fingers. It's way too tickly for me to hold on for more than a few seconds... now what?

 

Using only sheer recklessness and impulsiveness, I dive deep under water as fast as I can. Even though the salt water is stinging my eyes, I look up to see the tidal wave quickly pass above me. The force of it moves me a few metres across, but I am otherwise unharmed.

I start swimming upwards to get some precious air when I find my self grabbed by a squid! The squid drags me downwards with more power than I have. I have no weapons, no powers, no friends, I'm underwater and can't breathe and I can't swim up. Dang it, it looks like this is the end, and after everything I've survived so far...

 

it turns out that this squid is a primitive transport to the city of atlantis. you get someone from there to give you a ride back to the surface. you fall in love with the guy who brings you up.

oh no. looks like you have bad judgement. he's a cannibalist who'se coming towards you with a knife and fork. you're trapped in a corner, and then, b/c ur sooooo stressed out, you faint. and the last thing you see is him approaching.

 

Suprisingly you wake up when he takes his first bite. Kneeing him the face and balls seems to do the trick. Throwing off a cliff to get eaten by some previously biffed sharks seems like a fitting end.

Unfortunetly due to massively increased global warming the land you are on starts to flood, high land will soon be submerged.

 

Not surprisingly he whittles me down to the last chamber. Unable to talk my way out of this, I close my eyes in anticipation... only to hear the soft click once again. He looks to the gun... DUH! He forgot to put a bullet in! What a stupid mistake! While on his search to find a spare bullet (which takes quite long) I grab the light previously blinding my face and put it to the chain. With the ultra powerful heat of the light, they melt! SCORE!

I start running away from this horrible place as fast as I can, only to find myself in a terrifying jungle, with poisonous snakes, barbaric monkeys etc. I then find my leg caught in a trap and I can't break free. Darn, in my powerless, weaponless form, how am I supposed to get out of here without being poisoned or eaten first?