Supporting my 13 yo daughter who came out as Lesbian

First of all, kudos to your daughter. Times are changing, but coming out at 13 is still very hard for many kids and I applaud her for her bravery and I also applaud you for being an accepting mother who seems very dedicated to helping her child by trying to inform herself about these types of details. I don't think it's irrational to not want your daughter being involved with anyone sexually (I know I sure as hell wouldn't want my child doing so with anyone, gay or straight), but I think you should considered being open with her and maybe express your concerns about the whole sleepover situation. It's normal for young teens to explore the word of sex, but if you think your daughter is taking it too far, don't be afraid to intervene. Being a teenager myself, I would be very upset if my mother were to ban sleepovers with other girls completely, so I don't think that would be the best approach. I would give her the benefit of the doubt. At the end of the day, honesty is the best policy and communication can really strengthen your relationship in general. I hope this helped a little bit. I'm just saying this based off of how I'd feel if I were in this situation.

 

Oh and welcome!

 

Hello Mama T!

In the LGBTQ+ group on my school's campus, the topic of sleepovers actually came up when we were talking about the families we grew up in. One girl in the group mentioned that she had been out and accepted from when she was about your daughter's age, and her parents came up with a solution that may or may not help for you.

Their approach was to open their house up to her and her friends and make it essentially their social center. They actively encouraged large group sleepovers, and would always ask their daughter to invite more friends when she asked to have someone over. Then, they would let the girls get sleeping bags and sleep in the living room (where there were no doors to close), or in the backyard (right under their bedroom window). They'd present it as a chance to have a group of friends over for fun. The parents would agree to keep to their room unless they had to get something from the kitchen or go to the restroom or something like that (and they would use these things as regular excuses to walk through the living room). Since there was a group around at all times, it kind of made it more difficult for anyone to find "alone time" with someone. It would also mean that the parents knew where their kids were at all times. To the girls, it looked like a cool couple of parents were letting them have their small parties and get together events all the time, while the parents got to know where their kids were at all times and they knew that nothing inappropriate was going on.

I don't know how practical that idea would be for you, since all families have their own situations, but the girl in my group said that she had a lot of fun with this setup. It made her a lot of friends, many of whom started to consider her parents as Mom 2 and Dad 2. She said that she never even suspected that her parents set this up as a way to make sure she wasn't fooling around with someone at a sleepover until recently. I don't know if this idea can work for you, but I thought I'd offer it up.

Also, there is a subforum on this site for parents and family of LGBTQ+ people. You might want to check in there to get some advice from parents who have been in your situation before. I'd bet that they'd be helpful and friendly,

Congratulations on being so supportive of your daughter. Having someone like you is going to be very important to her as she goes forward.

 

I came out as 13 to. It was hard for me I keep getting bullied I last my best frind because I was bi. My family still loves me and that is all I wanted I was scared that my mom would not look at me the same but she still does. If you have the right friends that always have your back then you will do fine. That was what got me through my school even though I still have a lot to go through because I am only 14. I was also scared of sleep overs but my mom trusted me. But the hardest part for me was go out in public.