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Super confused and a little lost

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by GeckoLove, Apr 4, 2019.

  1. GeckoLove

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    So...I'm in a tough spot currently. Back when I was twelve, I began to question whether I had a crush on one of my friends (It was a she). I denied it, but there was always an underlying feeling that I was lying to myself. Of course at school, I had a huge crush on a boy I really liked. It went on like that for two years; crushes on boys, questioning my sexuality later. When I was 14, I ended up having a boyfriend. I really enjoyed spending time with him. When we broke up, I was pretty upset. A while later, I began finding myself attracted to a girl. Eventually, I told myself I was in love with her. I built up enough courage to tell her, but before I did I was approached and asked out by my friend, who I also liked. We ended up dating, but whenever it came to kissing, ECT I always felt uncomfortable and awkward, but yet later I was overjoyed...? At times I felt like I was forcing myself to be with her, but yet when she moved and we broke up, I was crushed and felt absolutely no motivation to do anything.

    That was last year, I'm 15 now, homeschooling because my OCD got too bad. There is a girl in my homeschool group that I'm 80% sure I like. I came out anonymously to my friend as bi over IG. She is bi as well, but I haven't told her it was me yet. People consider me as weird because I don't enjoy doing the stereotypical "girly" things. I DESPISE most of those things tbh. Just last night I had a dream sort of about coming out. All the girls from the public school were in two lines; Straight and Lgbt. I joined the straight line, but once again I felt like it was wrong, and like I was lying to myself. I woke up and considered coming out to my parents. My dad constantly makes gay jokes, and has anger issues. I feel like my mom would deny me. I've tried telling her things, like that I'm suicidal. She responded with "liar" and that it was bullsh*t and a bluff. I tried convincing her, but she started screaming and I had to lock myself in my room.


    I label myself as bisexual and am trying to be more open minded about dating girls, but I constantly question if I'm forcing that label on myself. Overall, I'm just confused. Thanks for taking time to read this <3
     
  2. Ram90

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    I'm not of much help, but my two cents are that, why don't you take a deep breath *hug* and try to allow yourself time. Don't label yourself yet. Maybe try, experiment, spend time with everyone and then see how you feel? I don't like pulling the age card out, but you are just 14. Give yourself some time and see? Maybe you'll get some clarity over time? Hang in there. :slight_smile:
     
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  3. GeckoLove

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    Thank you loads,that seems like a really good just wait for all to play out. Thank you again, this was a huge comfort to wake up to.
     
  4. Shorthaul

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    The thing with being bi is that you don't have to have an equal like of both genders. Its okay to like one more than the other. As Phoenix90 mentioned you are young enough you don't have to pick a label and stick with it. If you want to date a boy, date a boy, or date a girl. While it can be hard to see past graduating high school, you will be surprised how much you change in that time.
     
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  5. GeckoLove

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    Thank you for the reply. I feel like I change every day, so I guess the only thing I really can do is wait.
     
  6. SiraRom

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    I had similar experiences as a teenager. Early in my teen years, I thought that I was a lesbian. Towards the end of high school and beginning of college I was pretty sure I was straight and those crushes on girls were just a teenage phase. I wasn't until my early twenties that I finally accepted a label and not until my mid-twenties until I came out to anyone.

    Give it some time. Personally, I think figuring out that you're bi is particularly difficult for three reasons. 1. We are primed by our culture to view sexuality as binary. 2. The way that relationships work also contributes to the idea that people are either straight or gay. 3. A lot of bisexual people cycle through their attractions, where they will have periods of time where they are more attracted to one gender than the other.

    This is complex and there is no need to rush it. Don't be too quick to label yourself. Go after your crushes, experiment safely, and remember that you are valid no matter what conclusion you reach...and that you might change your mind later! I wish you the best of luck in sorting this out.
     
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  7. GeckoLove

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    Got it, so I should definitely NOT label myself yet, thanks for the help!