I'm new a I'm looking for help. Bi and always knew it but I'll go into that in a minute. I'm 21 and in college but blessed as hell to be where I am. I love everyone around me but I feel I need more friends who could maybe understand. I got on here for help, I have a sketchy past with guys and always knew, past the abuse and mistrust, I still liked men in general. But, from an early age I also knew I liked girls. I'm stuck and a little confused. Though I started doing things with guys at 19 I didn't pursue a girl till 21. Well, last night I fell into my first experience. I had sex with a girl and feel a little loss. She is 18 and so sure of herself and her sexuality. I don't feel I can turn to her and voice what is going on in my head, please don't think the other girl is a bad person. I just feel that my age and job should make me more assured about myself. I really just need a few good people to help me think some things through. I don't feel I have anyone around me who would understand.
Hey welcome to EC. Im sure you can't find the support you are looking for here. So you are saying you can't turn to her because she is your first girl experience and because she is confident and sure of her sexuality? Don't stress I didn't work out I was gay until my mid to late 20's so you are not actually that old .
Im confused about my sexuality myself and still young like you. All that i could say is that dont rush things, enjoy every moment. Dont rush in choosing what you will be or what you will choose between a man and a woman. You dont need to decide so soon. Listen to your heart but let your mind guide. Goodluck
That really helped to hear. I felt like being Bi meant I was figuring it out but she was so confident that I walked away wanting way more than a one night thing. I am so a cuddle and talk kind of person and she was just gone.
Thank you! I feel old af because I am getting ready to graduate college and had the experience for the first time!
It sounds easy to feel old but really you are not and anyone that cares about how old you are isn't really worth your attention anyway.
Hi and Welcome to EC! I know sexuality in itself is very confusing. There's nothing wrong with questioning yourself. It doesn't matter how old you are. Everyone has been there at one time or another. Also, I agree with Kear. Don't rush into decisions and take your time.
Take things slow. We dont know yet but maybe she has questions herself that needs to be answered that she thinks walking away is a temporary solution, we cant conclude yet. And hey dont say youre old when you had your first experience haha im graduating in college soon too and zero experience, does that make me very old? haha
Damn, these are all the things I wish I could convince myself are true! At this point I am taking a breath. As I reflect, I've always been a reserved person and the minute I let loose I go all in to whatever presents itself. It's great when I'm doing shit but the minute I have a chance to think I am screwed!!! I've figured out some of the stuff that is going through my head. Her thoughts are her thoughts and I need to let that be. She is physically what I want but it is way more important to find someone who is what I need emotionally. It will always be kinda hard for me to think that she wouldn't want open communication with me after sex but, hey, it's not the first time its happened to me. My lame ass called my ex-boyfriend to try to figure shit out and between you all and him I feel a hell of a lot better. I know one of the main reasons I want to figure it out is to find that special someone. I really am a relationship type person so one-night things will never do it for me. If I know anything, to be in love I need to communicate a lot. When I talk to anyone, girls, guys, doesn't matter, they always forewarn me that my persistent attitude and flirty nature sounds like I always have a long-term agenda. Which I guess my words are guiding me better then my actions. I don't have it figured out today, probably don't have the time to figure it out tomorrow, so I guess I got to let time take control at this point.
