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Struggling With my Name

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Scamander, Dec 6, 2018.

  1. Scamander

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    I’m having a hard time with my name right now. In my effort to become more androgynous, I find myself shunning all things considered “too feminine”, including my name, Emily. It’s an unambiguously feminine name with no real androgynous or unisex nicknames or derivatives. My middle name, Sarah, has the same problem. On the one hand, I’d like to experiment with different names to see if something more middle of the road suits me better, but on the other, my name is such an inherent part of my identity that I don’t think I’d feel li,e myself if I changed it, not to mention, how do you even introduce a totally different name to your friends and family who have on,y ever known you by your given name before? The fact that I haven’t had the conversation with anyone about my androgynous feelings also complicates the issue. How did you all deal with this problem?
     
  2. Hawk

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    Hey Scamander, here's a few unisex names that are similar to your names:
    Emmett
    Emerson
    Sage
    Sam
    Shane

    If you have a couple close friends you could always ask them if they would help you try out a new name and see how it feels. I would start off slow and tell a couple people first, try it out, and if you end up changing your mind on one name, you can just let the couple people you told to call you something different. Once your comfortable with your name/identity, you can slowly start telling more people.
     
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  3. Athexant

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    First, if I were you, I would sit down with a very close friend or somebody you are almost 100% certain will be supportive. I asked my friends back when I was in GSA to use a masculine name and pronouns during meetings (it was a safe space). I also have my girlfriend calling me more masculine names when we're together, and I had a teacher who I was very close with who let me try different names on assignments. There are many options.

    If you want to be stealth, I don't know if you saw, but there is a thread here on EC to test a name you're curious about and pronouns. I also recommend looking at baby name sites or like BehindTheName because you can find some cool unisex names. Also, I found that writing out a name you want over and over in a journal is really nice because you get to see how it would look written in your handwriting. I also practiced my signature.

    Also, you could try practicing introducing yourself in the mirror when you're by yourself, if you feel so inclined.

    There are options out there depending on how comfortable you feel with others knowing. Trust me, we've all been here before, and it is really difficult at first. It's definitely not an overnight thing. I hope this helped!
     
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  4. Verklighet

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    You know, I had a hard time coming up with mine (Hi, again).
    My name was Hanna and now I go by Hanno.
    I did not like my options and thought I'd have to settle with Harvey or Hugh.
    I wanted a name that was just like mine. I loved my name, but it was feminine.

    Then one day, I was watching a documentary in my history class and it
    introduced a sailor who build a beautiful boat to travel to Africa.
    His name was Hanno.

    I was so surprised, I thought the narrator said my name!
    I Googled up this "Hanno" name and found that it was Scandinavian,
    just like my old name. It was perfect. It was androgynous (at least to
    Americans, because no one has ever heard that name and if I present as
    that name it will look more androgynous than male).

    I hope you can find your name in some super special way.

    I would suggest Evan, Elijah (this is a good unisex name from where I am), or you
    could actually take away the Y in your name and just be Emil.
    I hope I have helped!
     
  5. Scamander

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    Those are helpful suggestions, thanks guys. I think for now I've decided I like the name Emory. It's very similar to Emily pronunciation wise, and is more unisex than some of my other options. My next trick will be introducing it to other people.
     
  6. Athexant

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    Emory is a really cool name. Congratulations, and I hope your coming out goes well! :hearts:
     
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  7. Pret Allez

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    Emory is an amazing name!
     
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  8. Verklighet

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    I like it! Emory! :slight_smile:
     
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  9. Scamander

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    Thank you!