I have had a long-time uphill battle with my mental health, but around now it has been getting bad. I just want advice. My body image has been horrible all my life. I see men and women who are skinny and get infinitely jealous. I even went vegetarian for three months and yet no weight loss. I have never been big on exercising my whole life. thats probably where my weight comes from, but i simply cannot do a lot of what seem like simple exercises to other people. This causes me to feel horrible about myself and that often results in eating, i have the thought that i might have a eating disorder but im not sure. whenever i try to make plans for myself, they never work out because i just thing "you wont lose enough weight. you will always be fat" Expanding on the last point, when i feel really bad about my body i often starve myself for sometimes days at a time. believing it will make me lose weight - even though i know it wont. i feel disgusting, like i will never be anything because of my weight. i have withdrawled myself from friends, family, leaving my house. my whole quality of life has gone significantly down. i have even started moderately started self harming again. I just dont know what to do. i feel so hopeless and like i will never, ever achieve what i want. i dont want anything more in life than to be skinny.
Have you talked to a doctor? Sometimes it can be a separate condition that could explain why your diet changes aren't helping. It also depends on what you eat often more than how much. Even as a vegetarian, you could still have a high fat (dairy products, if you weren't going vegan) or high carb diet (some vegetables even can be very starchy). I'm not a dietitian, but I know for me it does come down to how I'm balancing all those food groups. And if you think you might have an eating disorder, therapy could help if that's an option for you. Regardless, try not to be so hard on yourself. Your weight doesn't determine your worth, not at all. As for the starving and self-harming, you're worth more than that. And don't think I'm shaming you, I'm just letting you know someone understands and cares. I've been down both those roads (I don't know that I starve myself, but I have a hard time eating when I'm depressed). For me the self-harm feels good in the moment, like I am translating the mental pain into more manageable physical pain, like I'm doing something about the numbness in my head. But I always feel worse after. I've become a master procrastinator about it-when I feel the urge, I tell myself "later" and look for a healthier distraction. Usually, "later" I'm caught up in something else, or no longer feel like hurting myself. Just my thoughts. Take care.
I have not talked to a doctor at this moment, or a therapist, but i may be going soon-ish for unrelated issues to what i said above and i might try to bring that up. Therapy is a option, but it would have to be my mothers choice whether to make that happen since i cannot get places on my own (driving, i mean). i just find it really hard to talk in real life about these things because i always get replies like "you are not fat/your overreacting/its not that bad" however i know a therapist wouldnt reply like that. i guess i just see myself differently than other people do? and dont get me wrong i dont mind when they are supportive/compliment me, but its always the same thing instead of actual advice. The starving and self harming is only when i am feeling really bad about it, but the thoughts are always there even if i am happy or having a good time. i know its not healthy, but like you said, sometimes people dont notice they are doing it and or that its wrong. thank you so much for the kind words by the way, it means a lot and i know my weight does not equal what i worth, but there is also something in my head telling me otherwise. i dont know how to explain it.
If you would like to go to therapy, and you think your mom may not be open to it, you could try writing down your thoughts ahead of time, explaining why it's important for you, to use as a reference when you talk to her or to give to her as a written note. I'm not good with confrontation, but when I write it out ahead of time I'm less likely change what I'm saying to appease the other person, and more likely to advocate for myself. I've also done this when making a phone call I'm anxious about, and even in therapy. When I'm really nervous about saying something to my therapist I write it down ahead of time and give it to her. If you have the option to enlist an "ally" such as a sibling or friend you trust, that could be helpful too. My mom was very unwilling to bring my teenage sister to therapy, I think she feared exposure and criticism of her family by an outsider, so I helped my sister start the conversation and convince my mom that this was a good thing for her. Lots of people have issues with self-image that don't reflect their real appearance. You can change what the voices in your head are saying with time and help
Your mental health is as important as your physical health, the two help the other out a lot. Its hard to ask for help, but getting help is so, so worth it. I've struggled with anger management and wished I had gotten help sooner, its stupid to go flying off the handle over stupid things. Its has not been all sunshine and rainbows even with help, but its a lot better than it was before getting help.
This is obviously making you feel really bad. Self starving is a form of self harm, by the way - it doesn't have to be cutting. I would really encourage you to bring it up in therapy and hopefully figure out what's going on and why. Take care.
thank you for all your kind words and advice everyone. since i made that post, i started eating normally again. and i am planning on going on a diet soonish and changing my laidback lifestyle to better suit my want of losing weight. and i have been practicing things to make my days more positive, instead of dwelling on things that make me feel bad about myself. i made the original post when i was in a rough spot mentally, but now a lot of things improved even in the short time. the kind words really made me happier. thanks again.
That's great. Especially the mindful attention to positivity, it can go a long way with practice. Thanks for the update, we're here for you!
