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Struggling With Life atm

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by buddy1987, Jan 10, 2018.

  1. buddy1987

    Regular Member

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    Hey guys, I'm new to these forums.

    Just after a bit of advice.

    I'm a 30 year old guy living in Wales and I've never felt so alone. I'm starting to feel I have nothing in common with my friends anymore. I don't have any gay friends and all my friends are straight, married with kids or in relationships.
    I've been single for about a year, got a good job which keeps me busy. But apart from my work I feel I have no social connections.

    I've sadly lost my mum and my sister at a younger age and I'm not very close to my dad or step family.

    Story of my life is wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed, and then it's the same the next day. When I get a week off work I literally hardly see anyone or do anything with my time off apart from doing the food shop or cleaning the house.

    I do everything by myself.
    I see my friends on Facebook planning their family holidays away this summer. And I'm just sitting here thinking I literally have nobody to go on holiday with.

    Don't get me wrong I do see my friends from time to time but it's literally all talk about their family's and children and I literally feel I have nothing in common with them anymore.

    I've had a Google around to look for gay community's to try and make some new gay friends but 90% of the results were hook up websites and apps.

    I just don't know what to do with myself at the moment. I've never felt like this before.

    I've thought about joining a gym?

    Anyone else feeling this way or have felt this way before?
     
    #1 buddy1987, Jan 10, 2018
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2018
    mnguy likes this.
  2. out4now

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    Hi there,

    Do you have any hobbies or interests, things you feel passionate about or make you feel good? It might help to seek groups that share these, or have things in common with you.

    If you are trying to start friendships within the gay community, maybe try to look for LGBT events in your area or even further out if you are able to travel a bit. You could try and volunteer at LGBT events. It’s a great way to meet people.

    I know how you feel, I’ve been leaving overseas for almost 10 years, and in all this time I have not been able to build strong friendships. All my close friends are back home.

    I’m assuming that you are out to your friends? If you feel like you don’t have much in common, maybe you could ask them to join you at an LGBT events. Some of them can be family friendly. This way they could know more about this part of you, and support you better.

    Of course these aren’t the perfect answers, I’m just trying to throw ideas at you, in the hope they will help :slight_smile:
     
  3. Gravity

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Sorry to hear about your mum and sister. It does sound like you are cut off, from many people in a variety of ways.

    A few thoughts:

    First, yes, do join a gym! Whatever your workout routine, being active will not only be physically healthy, it helps to boost your mood as well.

    Finding some gay friends might be a very good step too - or even just new friends, gay or not, perhaps who are also single or don't have children. Of course, it's easier to say that than actually go out and start doing it, but there are a few ways you could approach it. You could look for LGBT community centers nearby, and either attend some events, or volunteer for them if they're looking for help. You could also try finding gay friends online, even through dating apps - while extremely difficult and time consuming, and requiring a lot of sifting through people, it can be done - just be 100% up front about your intentions and act consistent with them.

    You may also have to free up some time from your normal routine to make these things happen. Busy or not, it's easy to get used to whatever "normal" our life settles into, and starting change can be hard. But if you decide when you want to, and are able to, put some new activities into your life, you should be able to find the time - and eventually it, too, will seem normal.

    Hope this helps!
     
  4. bingostring

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    You need to shake things up a bit. Have you thought of moving to a bigger urban centre. London, Cardiff, Manchester etc and re-invent your life.
    New career, a course at a university?

    Having a gay friend or two sounds really important otherwise your sense of isolation will be really hard to dealmwith.

    I sent these ideas to another EC’ers post just now but they might equally apply to you?:
    • Widen your social circles generally to include more contacts with all sorts of people. Gay and straight ... new hobbies/ interests and you will improve your chances of crossing paths with someone really interesting
    • Put yourself out there in some new group activities. Eg Gay Outdoor Club for hiking
    • “Meetup” groups in your area.
    • Look at week long residential groups like Edward Carpenter Community
    • Long weekend groups like TheQuest
    • Sign up to “outeverywhere” which is more a social networking site and not a hook up site
    You may have to invest a bit in travel, hotels and costs .. but what better way to enjoy yourself for long weekends away whilst opening yourself up for some chance encounters with other people?

    Put yourself out of your comfort zone and get out there!
     
  5. Shorthaul

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    Kids make it hard for people to get time to do stuff without the kids. Its a little easier if everyone has kids but that isn't always an option.

    I agree with bingostring, you need to dust yourself off and go out an find things and people. I have found friends in some unusual places, like the landfill, but that was also cause I drove a trash truck is it was work lol.