Well not really, I mean I accept that I am gay and know that I don't really have any interest in girls but whenever I see me referring to myself as "gay" I just feel weird. I guess its just a little voice in the back of my head that is telling me that I might not be gay but bi, or some other thing. I've just been going around stressed and anxious all the time now doubting myself and wondering whether I came out too early. What if I'm wrong and now everybody thinks I'm gay? Is this a normal thing to stress over?
Yea I think it's normal - I feel mostly the same way too. I picked Bi at first but now I'm not sure anymore. Bi feels like there is a way back I guess too - that I could still just date a girl again if I wanted to one day. Gay is so final and scary, there's nowhere else to go from there its just gay forever with no way back. That's how it feels to me at least.
Exactly, it just feels like if I did see a girl who I was interested in I wouldn't be able to start a relationship with her because everybody would be like "wait I thought you were gay". Its exactly like you said, you cant go back, and I'm afraid that I made this decision too quickly. Again, I have never had any interest in girls, it's just that fear of maybe it will happen.
I really hate to look like an attention hog, but any other advice would be much appreciated. Have any of you experienced this? And if you do/did how do/did you deal with it? Again, sorry for reviving this post. Just talking about this makes me feel better. -k
Well I've actually already come out to a few people as asexual which I now realise was wrong. I'm really going to look like an attention hog to some people if I now tell them I'm gay, so I understand your fears. I feel like the best way to go about it for me, and for you if it turns out that gay isn't the best fitting label after all, is to just straight up tell them that you were wrong. I think that it's perfectly okay to be wrong about such things, especially as sexuality can be so complicated and hard to figure out. And I mean, even if they do think you're looking for attention at first, they're going to forget about it pretty quickly as you both continue to live your lives... Hopefully. It's not like it's the sort of thing people are never going to forgive you for, anyway right? They might be a bit confused, but they'll soon see that you're being genuine. This is actually a big reason why I haven't come out to anyone as lesbian yet. What if I'm wrong again? Then I'm going to look pretty dumb aren't I? Haha! I think I'm only going to come out if/when I get a girlfriend... So, my advice is just don't worry about it if you turn out to be wrong. It happens to a lot of people; I think most people understand that sexuality can be very confusing so they should be understanding. (Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself here haha!)
If you have recently come out, then maybe you are dealing with the aftermath of telling people something quite intimate and personal about yourself. It could just be that you feel a bit exposed and vulnerable after coming out to certain people, and that sex and relationships have kind of taken a back seat to other things going on in your mind. Personally, I never thought "hmm, maybe I'm not gay" after coming out to my family, but I definitely wasn't thinking about going out and having sex after I had just given a piece of news about my sex life to my family. In fact, I avoided dating altogether for a while afterwards. I think I wanted to give my family some time to adjust to the idea of me dating guys, before I started pursuing guys. Maybe you're going through a similar reaction.
Hello. I understand what you're going through. I came out as bi to my mother and godmother and a couple of other people, only to get back in the closet because of their reactions later on. A few years after this coming out, I came out to my mother by accident as more lesbian than bi. At least now she believes I'm bi. I'm not sure if I'm lesbian or bi right now. As many posters have already commented it feels so final and scary to let the world know of something you're not sure yourself. How do I know I'm never going to be with a man in the future? What if I find one attractive? Why put myself through all this? I feel like a coward sometimes. But I know being out as gay in this place is quite risky and would probably wreak havoc to my career options. Simply put, many wouldn't hire me if they knew I'm a gay woman. As feminine, on top of that I'd have to convince others I'm truly not straight. So I totally get this. You're not alone.
I think coming out is such a complicated issue. You tell people this deep personal thing that you don't want to hide, but since 95% of people are straight you are basically telling people how much of an aberration you are. Add to that when you deal with religious people and your morals get called into question. etc. I have this fear when it comes to dating women and telling them about my gender/sexuality. If I dated a guy well he would already be gay so it wouldn't be as big of a shock, but a woman is more likely to take off. I'm thinking now I'm going to have to find a woman who is herself bi in order to avoid this problem. So it's certainly troublesome to out yourself. It's sort of damned if you do damned if you don't.
Hi Keith857, You were helpful to another person's thread when you said "Never be ashamed to be who you are..." Homophobia means being scared, and knowing that definition means you can decide to be brave. Finding courage. In any case, there is no shame in searching for that courage. If the label is giving you trouble, I've heard on this forum it can be helpful to look yourself in in the mirror and say it to yourself "I am gay!". Maybe that could help get past the discomfort? I am glad you are here at EC.
