Struggling with Coming Out

I used to be terrified by the mere thought of coming out because, well, it's a scary thing to do. When I came out to my parents, I wrote a letter explaining everything because I knew that if it were up to me and my fear of that kind of deep conversation with them, I would never get through to it. Worked perfectly. Most of the talking was done for me by the letter and we just had a really brief conversation about some other details. I'm really glad I did it.

It really is like a band-aid that you've got to rip out, every single time. Don't think about it too much and just do it, otherwise you'll overwhelm yourself with scary thoughts and back out. There's tons of ways you can do it, I'm sure with a quick Google search you'll find some good examples. Whether you do it now or do it in 10 more years, you've got it get it over with so why not do it now? The fear is always gonna be there, you've just gotta confront it and you'll see that it really isn't that scary at all.

Also, I know there are a ton of other factors that come into play when it comes to people fearing coming out so DO make sure you evaluate them and make sure you will be safe, once you're sure just heck it and do it!

 

Hello
I've spent most of 2018 in the same position. Perhaps start small, I told just a few colleagues at work. One at a time. But I suggest you take your time. Oh I had a wife, forgot I told her first....lol
Go slow, use different methods
Face to face
Phone
Text
Email
Facebook did all these methods, going to write a nice card to my aunt and uncle...
Did not tell many people face to face, I'm 43 but came out at 42. I suppose i was ashamed as I have kids, still telling people but by a method I feel would work for who I'm telling..
Like I said tell one person, someone u get on well with....it gets easier but in my fcase 2018 has been shit but it's nearly over ...what about counselling, I'm just off to mine now...
Warm regards to you
Rade X

 

If you really want to be out I would go for the rip the band aid off approach. I came out twenty-six years ago in Utah--I was terrified. But I just wanted it over and to get on about my life. So I told the people that I was most worried about their reaction, my parents. In some respects it was awful--my Mother was physically ill for a week. But they came around--once they saw how my whole life sort of unfolded (my Mother once commented that it was like I was "finally really there") they got onboard in a big way. I never actually had to tell anyone else, because with them told I just stopped hiding. Even my siblings just kind of found out.

A lot of people do it more gradually. They find someone who will be supportive. They tell someone that's not important to them. For some people that works, they sort of ease into it. But a lot of people who do it that way will then say that they're surprised they feel more stressed out about it rather than less. To me that makes sense. From where I sit, it seems in doing it that way you're still keeping the secret, now you're just doing it poorly--it makes sense to me that that would ramp up a person's stress. I guess part of it is a question of temperament--I'm kind of a "let's just get to the heart of the matter and be done" kind of guy. No one is really worried that the mailman will know you're gay--one is worried that if the mailman knows that eventually that will lead to your wife knowing, your Mom knowing, your boss knowing. It seems to me that if you want to rob the secret of its power you don't do it by telling the mailman, you do it by deciding who that other person is, the worst case scenario person, and telling them. For me it was my parents.

The only thing that will make the fear go away is telling whomever that person is. I hope you do it. I hope it brings you peace. I hope it brings you a new, deeper, more honest relationship with that person. I hope your life opens up the way mine did...

 

Because its fucking terrifying and we have spent years of beating ourselves up for it. It only makes sense why its so hard.

Like everyone else said, there are soooo many ways that you can go about this. The trick is to find what makes you the most comfortable while challenging you to take a step.

If you aren't ready to come out to your family, try coming out online first or do something that makes you a bit uncomfortable to get yourself used to taking small risks about coming out.

I was one of the "slow ones". I started coming out to people online in Omegle (man it feels forever ago), then I started here on EC, and then slowly to friends and family.

Keep posting, let us know how it goes and keep at it