Struggling to express yourself after coming out?

Hi KaiOfBees, yes I can relate. With me, it's the opposite problem. I'm suppressing traits in myself that I consider masculine. In particular my tendency to sound strident and argumentative. Often I can sense I'm going to go off on a rant of some sort and a little inner voice says 'stop it. That's so unladylike!'

It's difficult. I don't want to sound prissy and mouse-like, like some bad imitation of an out-dated notion of what constitutes 'femininity'. I want to be authentically (yes, that word again) me.

I'm hoping that in the long run hormones and voice training will iron all this out.

So yes it's a similar situation to yours, KaiOfBees. The only advice I'd say is to try and not be so hard on yourself. Gender is a performance (to an extent) and because us trans folk are late starters we often have a lot of catching up to do! Given time you'll be able to find a balance that's completely and authentically you.

Beth x

 

What is a man? What does it take to be a man? What is masculine energy, opposed to feminine energy?

Not asking these questions to be challenging, but to get the thought process going. As a cis man, I'm buggered if I know the answers myself. Having said that, I do believe the mark of a man comes from within. Outward signs are nothing more than veneer. When the chips are down and life is against him, can he face it? This is where a guys real strength lies.

Looking up to these men is no bad idea. At various times the chips will have been down and life will have been against them, but they've chosen strength over weakness. They've dug in and fought for their authenticity and right to be themselves and in some cases they're doing it every single day. If strength is a sign of masculinity, then they have it in bucket loads. It's not an outward thing, but something that comes from deep within them. It's at the core of who they are.

By the way, trans guys have it to. You don't transition without strength.

 

i feel u bro. Idk if this is gonna be comforting but i think this is a pretty typical transdude problem. Its like , the world is finally understanding that being a man doesnt look like one thing, but for there really is this pressure for transdudes to be like super manly to validify their experience of being trans. Im a very masculine person but have a real soft side - but when expressing my feminine side i always get the feel that people will think im not man enough to be trans.

And Ive had partners, family, friends, coworkers that doubt my experience and it has definitely changed the way that I express myself and has made me be less genuine in order to fit into their idea of what a dude should be. but thats total fuckin bullshit

No matter how you present, there will always be people who misinterpret you, or make quick judgements, but embracing all parts of your identity and being 100% genuine is the only way you'll find true friends and connections who see you for who you are. And those are really the only people whose opinions deserve space in your brain.