When does it get easier I sit and ponder. Am I rushing things? Am I expecting too much too soon? When does the happiness start? Ugh...when does my mind stop running 24/7? Anyone? :bang: OK since Jan 17th when I came out to my only true friend, life was easy...when I was around him that is. Being around my best friend that is straight is awesome. He doesn't judge, he supports. Awesome. Fast forward 3 months, loneliness sets in and I want a relationship. He tells me don't rush a relationship and to get my health in order first. Good supporter. I have been with men from time to time, but nothing serious, except for one. History: met him when he started dating a lady that is like my 2nd mom when I was 11. They both took care of me like I was their own son. Nothing ever happened between him and I until I was 19. Oh yea forgot to mention, he's 11 yrs older than me. He's a great guy and the only one that I've done pretty much everything with. I remember growing up and people always questioning his sexuality. He has a small feminine side. We have had relations maybe a handful of times. They were special, but at the time I wasn't ready to admit that I was a gay man so I felt guilty after. Last time we were together was 2008...normal for us to have many yrs between get togethers. That last time was our first time where we were together the entire night and nothing was left undone. (TMI??) Anyways, he had somewhere to be in the morning and one of the last things he said to me was...I want to spend the rest of my life with u. I got scared and wasn't at the stage of my admitting I'm gay and kinda blew him off like I didn't hear him. OK, back to present day: I came out to him last night and after discussing how we love one another and that we can now openly be ourselves as the gay men that we are, the conversation switched to him moving here and us getting a place and living together as closeted men, like we both want. It would be a two bedroom so we could use the (old excuse) we are just roommates. Now it would be really odd when family finds out that he moved here and we are roommates when people were already questioning his sexuality. The only way we could make this work is if we were closeted. We both know we are only strong enough at this stage to be open to ourselves (and my best friend). So now my stress level is through the roof. How can we be happy and make this work? During our 3 hr conversation we also covered his comment (I want to spend the rest of my life with you from 2008). He said he was hurt by that and could never understand why I didn't acknowledge it. I just explained that I was scared and couldn't even admit to myself that I was gay. I apologized and we moved on, but he did bring it up a couple more times (as reference). So now it stands as he is ready to pack his bags and head here now! Stress level is up again. I want it to happen, but only been 24 hrs and I need to absorb it and really figure this out. Does this make me an a-hole? Oh hell, I don't know where I'm going with this. Just needed to release some thoughts to try and get my mind to settle down.
no you're not an a-hole...you're excited because the one you love and the one who loves you is coming back and it's finally real! It's the reality of it all that is getting to you. You can be happy, between yourselves for now, but you will both have to face coming out eventually...perhaps the thought of that is also stressing you out? I read something somewhere once that said "I can't handle the rest of my life, it's too much, I can only handle today"...I think these are words you could use too. Enjoy, really enjoy your time with him, in the here and now. Tomorrow will come soon enough...
OK, so he's moving back with you, and moving in with you. That's awesome sauce. But does the girlfriend know? Are they still together? And I'm not quite sure why it's important for you to stay in the closet at this juncture. I mean, you're in your 40s and he's in his 50s. What exactly are you hiding from at this point? I guess I could dig through old posts, but could you sum that part up for me real quick? Lex
He ended up marrying the lady that was like my 2nd mom. They have since divorced. Remember they were like my parents. They actually had get together with my parents almost weekly. What's weird is (as he puts it) he would feel like a "pervert" if my parents knew, to which I understand. I have no problem with people finding out I am gay. I feel it is nobody's business except who we want to know and only when WE are ready. If my parents asked me now (like they have before when I was younger) I would have no problem saying yes. But with him moving here they would really question it. I don't mind but I don't want him to feel the "betrayal" (his words) that he would feel, even though we are consenting adults & nothing ever happened until I was legal. Damn, typing that now in feel dirty! JK. In my head it reads like this - F it, I'm 42, he's 53, we love each other, we're best friends, we've known each other 30+ years, why can't we be happy? The only hiccup is my parents. Its a respect thing, on both our parts, I guess.
This, times a thousand. I can understand there might be some weird feelings there, but at the same time, I wouldn't jump through a ton of hoops to keep anyone from finding out. Your parents can simply be told "We both came out to each other, we got together, and everything seemed to fall into place." You don't have to bring up what happened in the past. You should be focused on the present and future. Lex
