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Straight? Bi? Gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by TheJack, Oct 31, 2017.

  1. TheJack

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    Okay, so i know that I've already posted something on this topic, but i'm going to give it another try.

    For all my life, i THINK I've always been attracted to girls. My first erection was from a female cartoon character, i'd always kinda get touchy-feely with girls when i was a young kid, my first masturbation thought was on a female anime, etc, etc. Now I've been questioning my sexuality for about a year and i just want to go back to normal and not feel miserable anymore. Two weeks ago i actually thought that this entire thing was over when i went to a dance at my school. I was grinded on by a couple of girls and got really excited down in the "south pole". I actually felt confident in knowing that i am straight... That lasted for about a week before i became paranoid again.

    The reason i'm so OCD about this is because of a couple of experiences i've had with the same-sex:
    •A family friend (who is now deceased) led me into his room and had rubbed his lips on me. I don't hate him at all for this, since he could've been going through a similar phase.

    •I for some reason had kissed all my brothers on the lips once or twice.

    •I do masturbate to gay porn occasionally.

    But what really makes me question my sexuality is my recent activities. I have a gay friend who has been helping me through this, and several times I've asked him if he wanted to experiment with me; everytime it ended with me backing out. One time (and hopefully the last), i asked my friends for nudes to see if i would get "excited". He sent it, and i immediately got turned off and had explained him that i think that i'm done trying to experiment with him. After seeing him actually NAKED and not being turned on (in fact i think i was kinda grossed out) made me really think.... "What are you really?!" My libido has taken a drop, my attraction for girls has lessened (not significantly, but noticeable), and i'm afraid to stare at guys because i'm worried i'll be attracted to them.

    I've never had a girlfriend (even though i pursue girls all the time), and i'm still a virgin (sadly), so i don't know what sex actually feels like. So... What am i?
     
  2. jam93

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    In the end your the only one who can really decide what your sexuality is, but from what you've written you sound straight to me. You clearly like girls, so that takes gay out of the question, and I don't see much to suppport bi as a possibility either. Unless kissing that family friend or your brothers turned you on, then they don't mean anything. You also said that seeing your gay friend naked was kind of gross and didn't turn you on. Thus another check against you being bi. As for watching gay porn, that also doesn't really mean much. Porn is a bad indicator of sexuality. It is designed to be stimulating, so it's not unusual for people to be turned on by porn regardless of thier sexuality. Unless there is some other thing you didn't mention, some time when you were turned on by guys, then I don't really see any reason to think your anything other then straight.
     
  3. Lia444

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    Are you actually curious about what sex with your friend would be like or is it more if I just do this then I will know if I’m gay or not? If the later then you seem to just be testing yourself to see if you have any kind of reaction which is more ocd like. So you are most likely straight.
     
  4. TheJack

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    Those aren't actually the only things that have me questioning.

    •When i was in 7th grade, there was a time where i would masturbate to fantasies about guys. This stopped after awhile.
    •There are times where i did masturbate to thoughts of having sex with the gay friend i mentioned and my orgasms were "big". This concerns me.
    •I tried to stimulate my prostate once. I didn't find it, but i did masturbate while doing it and that got me off
     
  5. Lia444

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    Ok so you have fantasised about being with your friend then but didn’t following through in real life? Fear maybe? You can be bi and have a preference for women you don’t have to act on any attractions for men but acknowledging that they do exist might help you. Straight people don’t normally fantasise about guys. Maybe you need to try and relax more so you can see what you feel rather than try and force feelings to happen.
     
  6. TheJack

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    Fear was what I thought at first, until I actually saw him naked and I was actually kinda grossed out and turned off.
     
  7. Lia444

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    Have you seen many naked guys before? It could be that you aren’t attracted to him or that maybe you think you shouldn’t be looking or liking him so block out any feelings? Plus you said your libido is low. Could you go with not 100% straight as your label if you feel you need one but you don’t have to tell people this if you don’t want to it’s more for your own piece of mind. If you feel any attraction for guys then acknowledge it for what it is. You don’t have to act on it. I know it’s easier said than done but try to not keep questioning yourself and trying to find an answer, trust me it will do your head in.
     
  8. jam93

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    The new stuff sounds a bit more convincing then the old. Not saying it means your bi, but it could be a possibility. Honestly though, your the only one who can make that call. No one else can feel what you feel, and so no one else can tell what your sexuality is.
    I would recommend the same thing as @Lia444. You need to take a step back, relax, and look at your feelings. All you've talked about so far is things you've done, not how you felt while doing them. Actions can be an indicator of sexuality, but feelings are much more important when your figuring it out. What I would recommend, is imagining different scenarios and see how they make you feel. When you do this, don't think "does this make me gay or bi?" think about how you feel when imagining these things. Here are some suggestions: How do you feel about being intimate (kissing, hugging, cuddling, making out, sex) with a woman. How does that make you feel? I would assume, from what you've written, that it would make you feel good. Now do the same for a guy. How do you feel about that? Does it feel good or bad? Now do the same for a relationship. Do you like the idea of having a girlfriend? how about a boyfriend. Can you see yourself marrying a woman some day? how about a man? how do you feel about that? Don't post the answers here, these are for you to think about and judge how you feel. And remember, that is the point. You need to look at how you feel. Don't think about weather those feelings make you gay, or bi, or whatever, that comes later. Just think about how you feel, and hopefully that will help you figure things out better.
    One last thing. Maybe I'm reading to much into this, but from what you've written it sounds like you are kind of afraid to find out your not straight. When thinking about these things, it's important to be honest with yourself. You'll never get your answers if your afraid to find them. Also, if you decide you aren't straight, you don't need to feel bad. Being gay, or bi, or whatever, is just as normal as being straight. And while it can make life more difficult or possibly, depending on your situation, dangerous, it doesn't mean your broken, a freak, or anything less then you would be if you were straight.
    Good luck, hope you get things figured out.
     
    Pole star and Lia444 like this.
  9. TheJack

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    I’ve thought about those possibilities before, long and hard (hopefully). I’ve always wanted a relationship with a girl, as you’ve already guessed. For a guy though, it just doesn’t work. I can see myself in the relationship with the guy (sorta), but I’m not into it. Even with the friend I mentioned before.

    Something else I actually forgot to mention is that whenever I masterubate to random guys, it just won’t work; I remain flaccid. It only goes up once I start fantasizing about having sex with the gay friend.

    @Lia444 and yes I’ve seen naked guys before. All of my siblings that are living with me are male.
     
  10. Lia444

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    I’m afraid only you can decide your sexuality. Maybe the fantasies with the gay guy are a one off and you won’t fantasise about any other guys again or maybe you will. I still think you need to stop worrying about what you might be and focus on what you are feeling in the present. Ok so you've had some fantasies, does this mean you are bi? Maybe or maybe not. @jam93 made some good points on things to think about to try and help you so I would try those and see what you feel.
     
  11. TheJack

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    I forgot to also mention that all of the times I’ve had really intense orgasms is when I’m either watching porn or if there’s a possibility of me having sexual contact with a person. For example, when I was on the “casual encounters” page of Craigslist, I got this girls kik ID, and i “relished” on the thought of having sex with her. During that period of time, my libido skyrocketed in a similar way it did when my friend agreed to perform fellatio on me.

    The thing didn’t really work out, I never got to see her, and my libido went to normal levels again. So maybe the entire problem is just me wanting to have sex.

    I’ve also accepted that I’m not 100% straight (in reality, I think barely anyone is).
     
  12. jam93

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    One thing to note, is that there are no hard rules for how you define your sexuality. Sexuality is a spectrum, with gay on one side, straight in the other, and various hades of bi/pan inbetween. There are no hard lines that define where straight ends and bi begins. It's kind of up to you to decide what you call yourself. if you're only ocassionally attracted to guys, and you don't think bi is the right term to discribe yourself, there's nothing wrong with saying your straight. Honestly it's just a lable, it doesn't change who you are. So use whatever feals right to you.
     
  13. Andrew02

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    I'm glad to see some straight guys saying they watch gay porn lol. Men don't enjoy talking about this. Don't worry about anything, you are bi-curious and that's normal. If you don't like men in real life, I guess you're still hetero.
     
  14. MonaDancer

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    I know for sure I'am bisexual but wish everybody with luck in finding out who you are friends.