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Still married, still gay, still not out

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by bwhopper, Jun 16, 2012.

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  1. 55

    55
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    I hope it goes well when you go to the movie. I hope it can be a conduit for what you need to say. We'll be here for you no matter what.
     
    #21 55, Jul 2, 2012
  2. bwhopper

    bwhopper Guest

    Getting there. Inch by inch.
     
    #22 bwhopper, Jul 2, 2012
  3. Spatula

    Spatula
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    Location:
    Southeast US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Look at it this way: coming out is necessary and inevitable. So it is a matter of when, not if.
    Apparently she already knows.

    Simply breaking up with someone you're very serious with (without the big sexuality reveal) can be excruciating, so I understand that this must proceed slowly and carefully--Like ripping off a bandaid that you've been wearing for decades. It is what stands between you and living your life to the fullest. I am skeptical that the current situation is sustainable. I do not thing separation can be stopped at this point.
     
    #23 Spatula, Jul 2, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2012
  4. bwhopper

    bwhopper Guest

    I don't see anything happening until I am fully out, which has been my dilema - what do I want to happen? I do know that ultimately I need to be out, I'm just not on a hurry.
     
    #24 bwhopper, Jul 5, 2012
  5. bwhopper

    bwhopper Guest

    I know I need to have the tell everything honestly conversation. And I will not avoid it if the opportunity comes up. I will be honest and tell the story. I also know if the opportunity dosent come up I need to bring it up. I really do feel dishonest without her knowing what I know about myself. The "now what" part scares me, but that is inevitable. If I though my feelings would change or could be changed, I would never have the conversation.
     
    #25 bwhopper, Jul 8, 2012
  6. 55

    55
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    It sounds like you're getting closer to the (almost) inevitable. I don't know if you've been following Maxx's and Nomadic Dave's threads, but they both came out to their wives - Dave last weekend and Maxx this. I think some of the posts to those threads can really be helpful to you.

    We're all on our own paths, but sometimes those paths are close enough we can reach over and put our hands on the shoulders of those near us - or give a little boost. [I reread this sentence before posting and it sounds very sappy - but I'm sticking to it.]

    Keep letting us know how you're doing.

    55
     
    #26 55, Jul 8, 2012
  7. bwhopper

    bwhopper Guest

    I know it will not be pleasant but will be a relief at te same time. This may sound strange given my circumstance, but I want to be out to everyone, yes, openly gay and not hiding anything.
     
    #27 bwhopper, Jul 8, 2012
  8. NomadicDave

    NomadicDave
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    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Good Evening BW

    You're okay and I really appreciate your courage to open up and move forward with your journey. Worrying (and postponing) about an unpleasant conversation might mean your too invested (fearful?) with the result. I know I have been influenced (and frozen) by this behavior for years.

    Wanting to be out is not strange at all, if anything, these are your real feelings trying to get your attention. It is a sign of progress. I hasten to add that these are just my opinions which are well intended but might not resonate with you.

    I posted on your wall a little of my update.
     
    #28 NomadicDave, Jul 8, 2012
  9. bwhopper

    bwhopper Guest

    Thank you for the wise counsel. Knowing that I am not alone goes along wat in helping move forward.
     
    #29 bwhopper, Jul 13, 2012
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