Recently I feel so lonely. Perhaps I've too much free time in the long semester break, and I couldn't find (got rejected from) internships. These days I just do some tasks like learning languages and coding, reading, studying CFA, and workout. However, none of them I'm passionate about. I'm doing them because it feels I'm not wasting time. I think currently there're two major things are bothering me. The first is about my future career. I'm in my second year of study at university. Despite good performance at school, I don't know what I'm passionate about. I just study for the exam. I tried and read different things like psychology, neuroscience, data science, finance, languages, coding, sketching... I still can't foresee myself to have a career related to them. Sometimes I tell myself it's okay to just focus on presence and let life unfolds itself. I constantly have a sense of loss. I hope I can have some achievement in my career, though. The second problem is my love life. Three years ago, I met Mr C. We were seeing each other for a few months, and then one day he was acting so cold. I asked why. It turned out he got a job overseas and would move there next week. He just sent me a letter via Whatsapp and described himself as 'coward' because he didn't know how to tell me about it. I was devastated and stopped contacting him. Even I tried to move on, I thought about him a lot. In January, I suddenly had an urge to talk to him. I messaged him, and he seemed happy to receive my texts. When I mentioned I think of him a lot, he said he does too. In May, he had a business trip to my country. We spent a night together. It was amazing like before. Both of us don't really like to text, and he is busy at work. We just send a few texts each week. The reason why I feel so confused is something he said three years ago. He mentioned that he was not ready to have a relationship because he was busy at work, and I was close to my family. The rent here is too high, it's impossible for me to live alone as a student. I have to stay with my parents. Also, he said he didn't mind me seeing other guys. When we text now, he uses words like baby and honey. It seems he likes me, but he loves his job more. I'm not sure if there is a chance in the future we can be together. Also, I'm not in the right time to have a relationship, but I feel so lonely sometimes. In January, I met a guy on dating site. We have a similar personality, so we talked to each other pretty well. However, I make it clear that we can only be friends because of the age gap. He is okay with it, and we text frequently. I'm not a person like frequent texting. He makes it become a habit of me texting him every day. Recently things changed. I guess he might meet a new guy, he doesn't share much about his life via texts. So the conversation starts to slow down and stop. Although we're not committed to each other, I feel a bit mad(?) and sad. Novelty eventually wears off. Thank you for reading it. I might just need to get it out of my chest. Have a nice day.
Hey I am sorry you are feeling lonely, it can happen, especially if you have a lot of time on your hands. Next time you have a break perhaps you could try and do some volunteering or something.
Hey Guy I’m sorry you’re feeling this way about it all, but I hope you’ll take some comfort in knowing I’m feeling just as lost this summer heading into my Third year at university. You’re allowed to explore, and find not settle. Sounds like you’re feeling rushed to find that thing you’re passionate about but I urge you to keep looking. You’ll find it! University is the time to explore new things and yourself. It’s also the time to forge new relationships, your old friend and you seem to have connected and that sounds amazing! I think it’s also important though to not forget that it is not you and his career battling for his time. He can do both, he just has to be willing. Give it time bud. Best, Sapokanikan
