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Some Questions

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by masterofnone, Jun 14, 2021.

  1. masterofnone

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    My OCD has relapsed a bit. I’m so scared of losing my identity. I have a few questions
    1. For those who never knew they were gay until later in life, were there clear indications from a young age and did you fantasise about women before you discovered you were gay?
    2. Does sexuality just change? i’m worried that somehow i’m gonna start liking guys all of a sudden. i don’t want to. women are so much more beautiful if you ask me.
    3. How did you realise you were gay?
    I’m 17 years old so i’m not that old but i’d say i’m rather sexually experienced and had sex with a lot of women considering my age. Before ocd kicked in my libido was crazy high and i could get it up real quick by just thinking of women. Honestly at this point i don’t care if i’m gay or not. i just want to know and live my life. i want to know if i should stop talking to women and start pursuing men. or if i’m just straight. or bi. idk anymore. i’ve never gotten hard with fantasies or images of guys. is this because i’ve forced myself to be straight? can you block yourself from being aroused?
     
  2. Chip

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    This sounds like textbook classic OCD. And the problem with OCD is... you absolutely cannot tell that your brain is being hijacked.

    I used a metaphor the other day that I think describes it: It's as if you and I are looking at a large, empty field. Except you see a house on it. I can tell you the house isn't there. You can walk onto the field and experience that there's no house there. 100 people are standing behind us and each of them is telling you there's no house on the field.

    But you still see the house. Not only do you see it, you fully experience it. To you, it is absolutely indistinguishable from any other house on the street. Except that only you see it. It doesn't exist, and it isn't there. Your brain has created this false image, but it is in no way false to you.

    That's what OCD surrounding sexual orientation feels like. So no matter how much anyone tries to convince you that everything you describe says you are straight, you won't believe it.

    The only two options to deal with this are medication and therapy (often both.). It is definitely curable over time. In the meantime try and have compassion for yourself and recognize what's going on the best that you can.
     
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  3. Sadness

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    Yeah ocd can be bad, it makes you doubt everything, your life actually. I know is hard to live with uncertain, but thats the only way to manage i think, what @Chip said in one post about ocd just explains everything, and it helped me notice that and manage better with the ocd compulsions. The whole question there is surrounded by ocd lol. But i do understand you a lot, i really like to masturbate reading transexual/crossdresser hentai, bc i get aroused by transwoman, and i see them as a woman. But everytime i check the responses from those hentais, 90% are straight guys saying that they are straight but like this, and theres a lot that say: you know you arent straight just accept, and yeah this may cause confusion, but i went through a lot and so do you, so i know im straight and its not a si gle post from a guy that will say otherwise. Try to this way, embrace the uncertain even if its uncomfortable most of the times.
     
  4. Braj

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    Hi @masterofnone ... I also find myself at times surrounded by same questions as yours.

    Hi @Chip ... I have kind of known since I was 15 yrs of age that I am sexually attracted to men. In school and college I had crushes on boys rather than girls. Even later I continued to be attracted to guys. I will notice beautiful women on the street but there is no strong physical/sexual attraction as there is in the case of men. Unlike with men, I would not get strongly aroused seeing a woman even when naked. I didn't ever feel the need to experiment for the sake of testing or validating or proving my sexuality. But whenever I am about to accept the fact that I might be gay, at times I find myself surrounded by same questions @masterofnone mentioned in his post.

    I’m worried that somehow i’m gonna start liking women all of a sudden.

    I’ve never gotten hard with fantasies or images of women. Is this because I’ve forced myself to be gay? Can you block yourself from being aroused? Can my lack of sexual attraction towards women is just because of anxiety?

    Plus some more questions like --
    1. I never experimented for the sake of testing or validating or proving my sexuality. I have not had sex with a woman. Is it OK to say that I can't have a relationship with them which involves sex?

    2. Could it be some kind of obsession/compulsion and I'm blocking some feelings and creating new feelings? I wonder if my sexual attraction towards men is only because it is forbidden as per conventional societal norms and hence I find it exciting. What if I am straight, and not wanting to be straight (going against the prevailing norm) is some kind of OCD? May be I am just afraid of marriage and commitment and I chose to being gay as it will get rid me of marriage (again am I stuck in some kind of OCD here?).

    I don't know if ''I am choosing to be gay because of some OCD?'' or ''I am developing some OCD trying to prove that I am straight?'' or ''Am I just in denial?''
     
  5. Chip

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    Based on what you are describing -- I know you aren't going to want to hear this -- you are likely in denial. It's not anything OCD related. I see nothing in what you describe that sounds OCD-like. (not that anyone could diagnose anyone else over the internet, nor would I claim to be qualified to make such a diagnosis.)

    The difference here is, you are describing a long and clear history of having no attraction to women, and a definite attraction to men. No amount of thought, OCD, or anything else will cause that. If you read the descriptions of the folks with OCD, you'll see a very different and very consistent pattern: zero actual attraction to men, but constant and compulsive testing to see if maybe you are, and taking one infinitesimally small symptom and using that to believe that one is gay.

    In your case, the evidence is completely on the opposite side. Nothing remotely indicates you're straight or even bi.

    It would be better for you to start a new thread, as your situation is a completely different one which would be better discussed in its own thread.
     
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