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So understanding my stance in the lgbt

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Pablo4541, Sep 12, 2017.

  1. Pablo4541

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    So I'll describe men first.

    I do not like giving or receiving anal.
    I do not like giving blow jobs.
    I can get off from a blow job.

    Women I like giving oral to women. I enjoy viginal sex. I also enjoy getting oral.

    So basically if you people with all your wisdom where to put me on the kinsey scale were would I be?
     
  2. I'm gay

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    Hi Pablo,

    You are only describing sexual behavior. While there is a component of the Kinsey scale that relates to behavior, it is primarily about our attractions to people of different genders, not the sexual behaviors we engage in. You seem open to experiences with both genders, and that's great, but it's not really helpful in determining your sexuality. Determining your sexual and romantic desires is a better route to figuring yourself out.
     
  3. Pablo4541

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  4. Pablo4541

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    I just am curious about if I don't like either side of anal and do not like giving blow jobs I don't understand what my sexuality maybe. I have been diagnosed with OCD so I don't know if thats why I can't stop thinking about the label. I really my fantasies are mostly about women. I honestly think the best way to describe my sexuality would be that I could be situationally gay like if it came up and that was the only thing available I could do it.
     
  5. I'm gay

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    I'm gay because I'm attracted to men. I think about men. I probably stare too much at the guys I think are cute or hot or sexy to me. I think about wanting to kiss them. I fantasize about the future with a man. And, of course, I think about all the sexual things I want to do with them too. My point is that it's a whole package. I'm attracted to the whole man, not just his penis and not just a singular sexual act.

    You are wanting to define your sexuality by a listing of sexual acts that you like and don't like. That's not how this works. Enjoying or not enjoying a sexual act doesn't make you gay - even if that sexual act is with a penis on another guy.

    Based upon your post, it doesn't sound like you are gay. Whether you are bisexual or not is something only you can figure out for yourself. But if the only evidence is that you are willing to receive oral sex from a guy, and you don't seem to have any particular attraction to guys other than that, then you sound pretty straight to me.
     
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  6. Pablo4541

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    To me your point just seems really odd. I thought the whole point of sexual experimentation was to see what sexuality you are. I agree that behavior doesn't mean anything. But only if your head is somewhere else as on for a man to have sex with a woman but he's thinking about other dudes the whole time to get off. But like you act like sexual actions don't matter at all when it comes to sexual orientation.

    I was just wondering by and large if achieving an orgasm from oral sex from a guy would mean I am bisexual. I questioned my sexuality so I went to experiment I did not enjoy giving blow jobs or either side of anal. But when I revived a blow job I finished.


    Now I already know how I feel about women I have been in love fantasized had great sex with.

    With men I was molested as a kid. I have OCD. When I was a young kid I watched a lot of gay porn. Which is what lead me to questioning which lead me to experiment.
     
  7. I'm gay

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    I wasn't trying to make the point that sexual behavior has no bearing on sexual orientation. My point is that if the sexual behavior is ALL there is that is making you question, then I would say it's nowhere near conclusive. Experimentation is helpful to confirm, sure, but it's not necessary. This assumes that the person feels sexual attraction but wants to confirm it with sexual experience. Likewise, someone who has sexual experience with the same gender but feels no attraction wouldn't be labeled gay in my opinion.

    To answer your specific query, enjoying receiving a blowjob from a guy bears no significance to whether or not someone is gay or bisexual. The fact that you didn't like anal sex or giving oral sex also doesn't mean you are or aren't gay or bisexual. It's simply not conclusive because you are attempting to figure out sexual orientation with behavior alone.

    Since you say that you know how you feel about women, you have been in love, and fantasize and have great sex with them, and you have no attraction for men, then I would conclude that you are straight. Enjoying a blowjob from a guy doesn't change that.

    I hope that answers your question.
     
  8. Pablo4541

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    I didn't mean any disrespect to you I was just trying to understand what you were saying. I understand what you mean now by sexual acta don't define what you like. If the roles where reversed and a gay man had sex with a woman and finished that doesn't mean he isnt gay anymore. I really haven't been sure about how I felt about men so I went out and found out that most of the thing were not enjoyable nor did I feel like I needed to do them again. Im open minded I respect all lgbt people I just was wondering if getting off from the oral really meant anything. But thank you, you have really been helpful. I tried it and walked out knowing how I felt but confused as to what to call it.
     
  9. Destroyed

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    Actually i disagree with @I'm gay. We dont know if your gay or bi. You know the answer to that. Also just because you went out with a mind to experiment, we have no clue if your mind was doing it to afirm your internalized homophobia or genuinely it was you had no attraction at all. Even the fact you were open to experiment can be a sign of exactly much more to who you are.

    Internalized homophobia in its different variations can be complex and powerful in an lgbtq mind.
    At the end of the day, a therapist and you are the only ones who can dig through the different kinds of porn watched at a young age and their impact. Also on finding out if you may harbour internalized homophobia.
    Again this statement, already says why your here and you know very well, you aint straight but its you to slowly decide if you want to work on that fact.

    Your statement---I honestly think the best way to describe my sexuality would be that I could be situationally gay like if it came up and that was the only thing available I could do it.

    Only thing available?

    Also sorry on the molestation as a child. I guess it may also be the thing causing issues in your self discovery. For its a painful memory imprinted in your psychology and whatever is attached to it, automatically becomes problematic. Even if its a part of you, attached to that memory.A therapist should help you in that before diagnosing OCD.
     
    #9 Destroyed, Sep 13, 2017
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  10. Pablo4541

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    I am diagnosed with ocd i have a therapist
     
  11. Pablo4541

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    Internalized homophobia I have told my whole family that I was confused briefly identified as Bisexual. Being afraid or not liking it I have already went through a coming out process but it didn't feel true I didn't feel like the label actually showed what I am. Im sorry that you may think I am harboring something's or I maybe self hating Im just trying to figure this out thus why im here. I have been diagnosed with ocd I have came out as bisexual I am just trying to explore and find out what I am.
     
  12. Pablo4541

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    I would say no because If I already knew I wouldn't be questioning it. I wouldn't ask if I knew.
     
  13. Pablo4541

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    I really don't understand this isn't homophobia being afraid of gays? And or disliking gays? Why would anyone who is homophobic go out of there way to try and give oral to another guy? Especially if it was internalized wouldn't someone who has internalized homophobia not do did it because they know they would like it?
     
  14. Pablo4541

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    As in if I was in prison or something like that. You know situational homosexuality.
     
  15. Myclosetisfull

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    As in, really, you just prefer heterosexual activities but you are ok with sex with guys?
     
    #15 Myclosetisfull, Sep 13, 2017
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  16. Pablo4541

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    Yes in away like I didn't enjoy doing anything to the guy but if I was in situation where there was no women I could swap bjs with another guy but wouldn't exactly enjoy doing it to the guy.
     
  17. Myclosetisfull

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    So you are a relatively average heterosexual guy, maybe even more heterosexual than average for a "straight" guy.
     
    #17 Myclosetisfull, Sep 13, 2017
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  18. Pablo4541

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    I'd say I am very confident that I am aroused by women I have enough experiences to go back to. I do have a mental illness which probably is what causes this constant thinking. I was just on this site to ask questions.
     
  19. I'm gay

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    Pablo,

    Thanks for your response. You didn't offend me in any way. I was just hoping to clarify my previous comments to you.

    On the issue of clarity, I do want to be sure that you understand I'm not making any sort of pronouncement that you are straight. As @Destroyed points out, none of us can know your sexuality but you. Only you can figure that out. My opinion was solely based upon what you have written here in this thread.

    One more clarification: there's really no such thing as being gay situationally. Again, this is describing sexual behavior, not sexual attraction and desire. If you were in prison and had sex with other prisoners because you needed the sexual release, it wouldn't make you gay.

    I don't know if you've received any therapy to help you with obsessive thinking and recovering from childhood abuse, but if you haven't done so maybe that would be a good idea.

    Otherwise, I would say that if you believe that you have attraction to women and not to men, you can consider yourself to be straight.
     
  20. Pablo4541

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    That also makes sense. I guess then since I would only do it if I have to that doesn't necessarily mean Im into it. I understand that I am the only one who can decide that @destroyer wasn't making a whole lot of sense to me. You have been helpful thank you very much.