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So I've run into a problem

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Kevin k, Jul 31, 2019.

  1. Kevin k

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    I've read a number of varying things about sex, and my conclusion is that sex is meant to be pleasurable for both partners. Well, here's my problem. My bf is selfless, my favorite thing about him. He tries very hard to pleasure me during sex, and make it enjoyable for me. Thing is, I'm doing the same for him, and yea, sex feels good, but it's not the pleasure I'm focused on. I'm focused on making him feel good. The same applies for him. So here we are, focusing so much on pleasuring the other, we don't enjoy it as much as online forums say we should. We've talked about this, but I can't bring myself to focus more on myself when I'm with him, because after all, he is doing something for me, so the least I can do is reward him for it. How do I stop this endless cycle? We've resorted to mostly just handjobs, as it's much easier to pleasure the other while being pleasured that way.
     
  2. Destin

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    You could try taking turns on who gets the better feeling part of it that day. Like the first time it's mainly him pleasuring you, then the next time it's mainly you pleasuring him etc. so you both get equal enjoyment from it and still get to reward each other.
     
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  3. Chip

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    Destin's suggestion is a great idea. And I'll add that, at a deeper level, the difficulty with enjoying your own pleasure is usually tied in with some discomfort with believing that you truly deserve it. Experiencing sexual pleasure is also a major exercise in vulnerability; you have to really let yourself go and be willing to feel, express (physically, with sound, etc) and so forth to fully engage yourself, and that isn't the easiest thign to do. So part of it is a practice of simply giving yourself permission to experience pleasure, and fully letting go into enjoyment, and believing that you deserve to experience pleasure. I think if you both try that, you'll find it helpful.
     
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