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So, I need advice.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by GoingFeywild, Jul 10, 2021.

  1. GoingFeywild

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    Hello all! My name is Fae I'm a 20 year old person. Possibly mtf but I'm still not sure and experimenting with this stuff.

    So, I want to be a woman I think. It's wierd because I don't feel overly uncomfortable with being in my body most of the time but at the same time I fantasize about different points of my life genderswapped. I think about what it would like to be a woman and just want it. Even the bad stuff. The thing is I don't feel Trans enough and feel like I'm being dishonest with everyone. That's why I haven't come out properly. That and I'm afraid I suppose.

    It's also what leads to my next problem. I want to grow my hair out because I just can't get along well with wigs (they itch and the ones that don't are expensive and I'm broke af). The thing is I know I have to go get it cut or it won't grow well but I'm to afraid to go into a hair salon. Like what would I ask for?

    I'm starting University in about 8 weeks and I'm hoping then I can at least get bette stuff for my wardrobe so so I look more fem. It's the otherside of the country so there is no chance of being discovered. I just don't know what to do. O feel like some sort of impostor. Like I'm not doing enough and being dishonest but at the same time I can't bring myself to take a leap.
     
  2. Unsure77

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    Keep the sides short and grow out the top first. Otherwise you’re going to create a mullet situation. Once the top grows out, you can start to grow it out all together at one length (if that’s what you’re wanting to aim for). Growing out your bangs is just gonna suck. There’s no getting around that, unfortunately. But it’ll get there. And plenty of cis men have long hair these days, so you’re not necessarily outing yourself yet by doing that.
     
    #2 Unsure77, Jul 10, 2021
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  3. GoingFeywild

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    Yeah I've already hit a mullet because of lockdown and the fact I hate getting my hair cut. Which has also stopped me outing myself.

    This advice is great! I'm totally gonna try it!
     
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  4. Unsure77

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    Good luck. Also, when you get it cut, I’d let the stylist/barber know that you’re working towards getting it to one length. Especially if you have a particular one you go to. That way they can kind of work with you on it. You’ll still need to get the top trimmed some periodically just to keep split ends in check, but they need to know the goal is to grow it out and what your end game is.
     
  5. GoingFeywild

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    Now the problem becomes finding a non-judgemental stylist. The thought honestly terrifies me. Maybe I can ask around. Ik my university will have LGBT union so maybe I could ask some of the local students there?
    Why can't it just be easy
     
  6. Unsure77

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    Oh, I don't think you need to tell them you're transitioning. Just let them know you're trying to grow your hair to one length. Again, at least in the United States, that's not an uncommon style for cis men these days. You don't have to tell them why.

    I have had multiple co-workers over the years who were straight, cis men who had long hair and I see plenty of men on youtube with hair that's one length.

    They don't need to know why you want long hair (if you're not friends with them and don't want to share that). It's not their business. But, it does help them to know what you're trying to do with your hair if they're the ones helping you get it there.
     
    #6 Unsure77, Jul 10, 2021
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  7. Unsure77

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    Fun fact: I'm a cis woman who is probably a little masculine of center. I got mis-gendered much more frequently (as in, I got called "sir" more) when I had single length hair than I do now with it buzzed on the back and sides. Long hair isn't necessarily going to be a tell. Not in 2021. Especially not after covid when a lot of people grew their hair out just because it was hard to get it cut frequently.

    Things like clothing and body shape and what you do with your hair (how you fix it, not how it's cut...like, is it curled or put up and how do you comb it...etc...probably all the things you're wanting to play with by growing it out) and facial hair and makeup and nails...those are the kinds of things I think people use more as gender cues.
     
    #7 Unsure77, Jul 10, 2021
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  8. GoingFeywild

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    Thats nice to know! Over here in the good ole UK long hair is alot more rare it seems amongst guys. But I guess they aren't going to question it cause then you go elsewhere and they don't get business. I should just try it! I might only maybe get it a mid length? Oh the options!
     
  9. Unsure77

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    Just tell them you want Jason Momoa's hair or to look like (pre-Ragnarok) Thor.
     
  10. GoingFeywild

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    Oh my I didn't even think of that! It's genius!
    I sorta want a punk chick look. I actually can't wait to make it so! Thanks for all your advice. It's been really helpful!
    Your all diamonds!
     
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  11. Unsure77

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    The good news is this will be a slow process. Hair grows half an inch a month. So, nature will sort of force you into easing into this. And you can keep moving forward or back up a little (if it gets too much) at any time.

    I will tell you, I'm not trans so I haven't been in your shoes. But, I did sort of slowly go from very long hair to very short hair for a woman over the course of a year and a half or so. And me from 3 years ago would have been terrified to do this because it's not common for women in my area to have hair like this (especially straight women). And I was terrified of someone thinking I was gay. But, what I started to realize was the shorter my hair got, the more confident I felt because I looked more like "me". And I realized my friends were all really supportive of the change and people outside my friend group just don't care. It's different, but it's fine. I had clung onto that long hair trying to feel what I thought was normal, but I feel more normal and have a much easier time looking at myself in the mirror now than I have in probably 25 years.

    I guess I'm hoping you have a similar experience. This is kind of a low risk, low cost way for you to slowly ease into seeing what it's like to be visibly different.

    Best of luck!
     
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