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So I know this girl.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Beth01, Oct 2, 2014.

  1. Beth01

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    I met a girl at the beginning of the the year who is super cool. She and I are into the same bands, we both love to write, and we have similar values- also, she's really non-judgmental. I really like her, but she might be straight- might. I do get strong feelings that she's maybe bisexual, but I don't know- also I'm not sure if she's ready for a relationship at this point in her life (she struggles with bipolar disorder). What should I do?
     
  2. Gen

    Gen
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    Unfortunately, I don't know if there is much more to do other than attempting to be the best friend you can be as she works through the obstacles she is facing. Regardless of what she is, it seems clear that there are things that she needs to work through and overcome before she is ready to even consider romance. Let alone one that might cause her to have to face something that she might have been putting in the background up until this point in her life.

    Going forward, it would probably be best to assume that nothing will ever come of these feelings that you have developed. Not because there isn't a chance, but rather because there is no telling when she will be ready to pursue relationships, nor whether these feelings will ever be reciprocated or she will be willing to admit them if that happens to be the case. At the end of the day, you deserve better than wasting your days obsessing over possibilities.
     
  3. shinji

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    Be sneaky... sometime when chatting about girl stuff, just nudge the conversation towards an LGBT topic, like... "Hey i have this friend who, blah, blah, blah... what do you think?". Or... "Hmm, have you ever wished to do it with a girl?"

    Then depending on her reaction you can go either "phhshh was only joking, like doh, i'd never do something like that" *awkward silence*... or "cool, then you should totally become my GF" - which you could also twist to suit your needs.

    People tend to get used to a certain way that other people communicate with them, the important thing is to not "change" the way your friend perceives you. Don't suddenly go saying stuff that she wouldn't expect you to say, because then she will catch on that something is wrong. The trick is to "hide" such statements (as the ones above) into your conversation whilst trying to seem "normal".

    Following this trail of thought, i'd personally first inquire about if she wants a relationship, then about her preferences and finally about her sexuality. Also, it's quite obvious but, in case you don't know. You should avoid saying "girl" or "guy" when doing all this, make her say it.

    Then, to build on top of these examples, i'd also suggest paying close attention to her body language as you do this.

    Nothing worse than staying in the dark about stuff... Waiting on her to say/do something will be unnecessarily hard on you.



    *looks at Gen*

    *waves*
     
    #3 shinji, Oct 3, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2014
  4. onlinedreamer

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    Well first of all you're never going to know for sure if she's bisexual unless she says it, so don't ask her out or something unless you're willing to sacrifice your friendship with her, because it might be weird between you if she knows you like her.and also you can try to hint on her about lgbt topics and see what her reaction is towards it and if she's comfortable with it you can maybe ask her if she is bi and then just see how things go from there.
     
  5. Beth01

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    She's been "flirting" with me a lot lately. I put quotation marks because I don't know if that's
    what it is. At school, we have this group of friends in our creative writing class, and we have a very lenient teacher. The other day, we were in our group of friends, talking (we were standing up) and she was holding onto my arms as we had our own conversation, and she kept taking steps away from the group, until we were basically alone (I didn't even notice she was doing it until we stopped talking). Not a week ago, I was sitting on her desk talking about music and she started playing with my hair, and complimenting me. Then, she started singing softly, something she does when she's really happy. I of course freaked out everytime she's done things like this, but I passed them off as nothing. I never knew her sexual orientation, but I always assumed she was straight. However, earlier today, at lunch we got onto the subject of vegetarians and she said, "Yeah, my ex- girlfriend used to make me vegan cookies". So now I know she is bisexual or a lesbian, but can I safely assume she's into me? And if so, what next?
     
  6. shinji

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    Don't "assume" anything. Seeing as how you already can recognize her flirting with you, just do the same, and allow her to get "closer". I mean, she is playing it somewhat safe right now, but if you showed her that you don't mind the "foreplay" so she can finally get more serious.

    As for... what next. Well duh, you become friends, then girlfriends then you come back here and go like "oh shinji-san, thank you so much".