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So confussed

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by darkprincess, Sep 26, 2014.

  1. darkprincess

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    Hiya,
    I have been questioning my gender identity since I was about 9 or 10, (I am 17 now) with moments I can remember since I was about 5. The only problem is I have had moments of doubt occasionally, it started with being many days a week but now it is only 10 minutes or so a day. I also feel depressed because of it and i have noticed problems sleeping and paranoia. Also I find that I have problems with concentrating now which is affecting my grades. I fear that if I put it off further I will feel worse and suffer more but I also fear what will happen if I jump into things. Fear of loosing friends, family and what will happen if I come out and later find out I haven't got gender identity dysphoria, both physical, mental and socially. Sorry about the mini rant but I just can't keep going on uncertain I need to be 100% certain. Thanks :slight_smile:
     
  2. Starfleet

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    Hi darkprincess. :slight_smile: Sorry to hear about all this confusion. These are tough issues to face. Talk some more about your feelings, and we will try to help. :slight_smile:
     
  3. darkprincess

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    Well I just find that I think I know that I am female (born genetically male) but every once and awhile I feel like perhaps I am male but I have noticed as time progresses that the time in which I feel male is less and less and I suffer worse depression. I have heard that a good thing to do is try and see yourself in say 50 years, but I struggle to do that as I don't see myself at that age (I do plan to live to that age though). So that isn't really helpful. :frowning2:
     
  4. Starfleet

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    I think your feelings are pretty natural, being unsure and all that is par for the course on this journey.

    Help me understand: you want to come out to your family, but you are worried that you might be wrong about wanting to be female?
     
  5. darkprincess

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    I guess it is two parts, firstly I am not certain about myself and was hoping people could help me with that and secondly, I want to know so that I don't do the stupid options for whatever the answer may be.
     
  6. Starfleet

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    OK, thanks for helping me understand. :slight_smile:

    Talk some more, do you think of yourself as a girl?
     
  7. darkprincess

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    A majority of the time I feel I am a girl but occasionally I just have doubtful moments that usually last less than 10 minutes but can be as long as a day. Because of these I have been slow in progressing thinking things would sort out... That was 2 years ago. If anything I feel that I should have been born as a girl more frequently now. But I still have moments here and there. Around 2 years ago I also gave up on thinking about sexuality as I figured it was less important and I am thankful I did because it helped me getaway longer. But now I don't know. Because my grades are starting to slip I feel I can no longer wait to see if it sorts itself out I need to take action. Particularly since I am going into my last year next year.
     
  8. Starfleet

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    OK, that's making sense. :slight_smile:

    I think this confusion is a pretty normal part of the process, just from what I'm reading here it sounds like the confusion is becoming less.

    Let me ask - what action do you really *want* to take right now?
     
  9. darkprincess

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    I want to take whatever action is best suited to what I am going through. I just don't want to make a wrong choice and regret it later. And since I am feeling the effects I need to do something about it soon, I can't just keep putting it off hoping for a solution to appear before me.
     
    #9 darkprincess, Sep 26, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2014
  10. Starfleet

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    Let me re-phrase: what do you *want* to do, like that would move you forwards? Do you want to come out? Do you want to talk to a professional?

    I literally don't know what is the best thing for you to do, but I'm hoping that by talking, you'll get a good idea, :slight_smile:

    I also hope someone with better ideas will post to help you, too. :slight_smile:
     
  11. darkprincess

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    Thanks you are a great help :grin: I think I want to come out and transition but I those few minutes of doubt hold me and I don't want to do something that will have worst consequences in the future. I guess if I am transgender I want to take action.
     
  12. jay777

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    You might have a look at this:
    Am I Transgender or Transsexual - Teens Wonder Am I Transgender or Transsexual

    and this:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony.../147192-transitioning-where-do-i-start.html#4

    The transgender spectrum goes i.e. from people living with almost androgynous appearance, to styling more like the preferred gender, to taking hormones, to srs.
    Of course the list is not all possible options.
    It's up to you to collect further information...
    You should for example talk to a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center, if that's what you want.

    I would do things I'm comfortable with, don't feel pressured to do something... its your decision...
    There is no only one right way to do this.
    Its your choice what you want to do...

    If you are depressed, please look for professional help in time.
     
  13. Starfleet

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    :slight_smile:

    Is it safe to come out to your family?
     
  14. darkprincess

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    Jay - thanks, I appreciate the transition section, I just don't know about the gender spectrum as my feelings have intensified.

    Starfleet - I imagine so but I worry about friends and extended family.
     
  15. Starfleet

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    Do you think coming out to your immediate family will help? I know it's scary.
     
  16. jay777

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  17. HappyGirlLucky

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    I would also recommend reading this:

    On Being “Sure” | Gender Blog by Darlene Tando, LCSW

    Basically, you will probably never be 100% sure. It's unlikely to happen, it's a very scary thing you're facing and you are taking a risk. Only you can decide whether you're sure enough to take that risk, but if you feel like a girl 1430 minutes of out of a 1440 minute day, you'll probably be happier looking like a girl. Even if post-transition you still feel like a man 10 minutes of every day, it's not all that bad when you get to feel right for the rest.
     
  18. darkprincess

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    I want to come out to friends first if I do come out as for some reason I just feel more comfortable telling them, but that being said I don't know how they will take it which makes me nervous.

    As for androgyne identity I don't believe I have that as from what I have read it is a pretty even split between male and female. As for me I feel female most of the time and male only a few minutes here and there.

    ---------- Post added 26th Sep 2014 at 11:39 PM ----------

    Thanks Leryous, If you can never be sure then perhaps I am sure... Wait. :slight_smile: I do also really like your point about if I feel this way 99% of the time I should do it because then 99% of the time I will be happy rather than the 1% left over :slight_smile:
     
  19. Starfleet

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    darkprincess, the only thing I'm really worried about is your safety. :slight_smile: I want you to be yourself and be happy.
     
  20. darkprincess

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    Thanks Starfleet :slight_smile: