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So are you saying I can't be asexual with guys?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by DecentOne, Dec 5, 2017.

  1. RD Spencer

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    Thanks @DecentOne and @Chip for clarifying this as I was getting confused as well. Which is easy for me to do.


    So as I understand it, when in the physical presence of someone………


    True romantic feelings are sexual in nature and are the same thing.

    So crushing strongly on someone, strong feeling of affection, making out, sensual hugging and enjoying lots of deep physical contact like sitting on the couch or laying in bed together would fall under this category.



    And,

    Emotionally intimate friendship falsely called "romantic orientation".

    Where you may be excited to meet someone but not crushing on them, caring deeply about of friend but not the strong feelings of affection, bro hugs but nothing more, no desire to put your lips on theirs and no desire to be in deep physical contact.



    Let me know if this sounds right or if you want to add to it.
     
  2. Chip

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    That's pretty accurate in my book.

    Of course, the capacity to feel deep emotional romantic love or even deep, emotionally vulnerable/intimate friendship will vary. People who have a history of trauma (big-T or small-t) or otherwise are limited in their capacity to feel vulnerable emotions may find it really difficult to go into the vulnerable place where those emotions live. So, for them, 'romantic love' and/or 'emotionally intimate friendship' may look and feel different than for folks that don't have that history. But that's an individual variation that doesn't change the overall, if that makes sense.
     
    #22 Chip, Nov 22, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2020
  3. Nickw

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    I understand the difference in orientation and behavior. But, I think one of the things that confuses some of us (I was in the camp that I could be romantic with only women but sexual with men and women) is that sometimes one can have a sexually intimate relationship that does not involve romance. I have had sex only relationships with both men and women. While I am emotionally very connected to my FWB, we are not romantic. I know the difference. I know I am capable of having romantic feelings with a man. But, I have also learned I can express my emotions through sex with a man where we are just really good friends. I also had that in grad school with a woman.

    I do believe that it is not possible is to have romantic feelings without sexual attraction.
     
  4. Chip

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    Yes, 100%. And I've gotten chewed out for saying this in the past, but I argue that the majority of sex that happens as a result of hookups (either from bars or from the apps or what have you) fall into this category. It doesn't mean that it can't be intense, but it's a different kind of intensity. And I suspect that the majority of (especially) gay men have difficulty with emotional intimacy. Which may be where the whole thing arose from in the first place.
     
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