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So angry on behalf of my younger self

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Arriety, Feb 14, 2019.

  1. Arriety

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    I'm 35 and in the process of coming out and I'm feeling intense anger at my family, friends, school and society. I'm raging because of the scared kid that I once was who didn't feel safe enough to even begin to acknowledge the feelings I had for other women. For the emotional violence of repressing a core aspect of my identity and all the unexplained depression I suffered since. I'm so angry at the world and I want them all to go to hell.
     
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  2. Jakebusman

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    I'm the same way I know how you feel I am 29 and just recently came out and known I was Bi since middle school wish I came out when I was younger and been able to explore myself sooner
     
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  3. Dionysios

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    I quite understand and sympathize with you. It's frustrating to have had to repress your sexual orientation for so many years. It does conjure up feelings of anger and regret.

    However, playing the "what if" game will bring you no peace or comfort. It will make you feel worse. I came out at 63 and try to avoid looking back and imagine what my life would have been. Focus instead on the future you have before you. It can be a wonderful one and a fulfilling one. Don't spoil it by harboring past regrets and resentments. The past is in the past. Make a happy and fulfilling future for yourself! *smile*
     
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  4. johndeere3020

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    I will be 47 the next time around, with the exception of the last month or so it took me all my life to let myself to let myself be free. Like Dionysios said, you can't change the past, can't control the future either, only prepare for it. Have to live for today!
     
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  5. Arriety

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    Thanks for the support, I honestly felt such a huge rush of rage and I let myself feel it and put it into writing and it felt powerful and empowering and something definitely shifted. I've been putting a lot of work into accepting myself and that has now shifted to facing the reality of coming out to other people and dealing with their responses and I think this anger will protect me for a while and will hopefully be melted and healed when people don't react the way I've always feared.
    The anger had been repressed and directed inward for a long time and I think to turn it around now to direct it outward to the homophobic friends and family has been healthy instead of feeling like it was my personal failure. I've seen the same kind of anger from my friend when she deals with racism so I'm happy to be feeling it, I think it means I'm truly starting to own my identity now instead of trying to be what others want me to be. :blush:[​IMG]
     
  6. OGS

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    I'm 47 and came out at 21. When I came out I felt that way for a while, but to be honest it dissipated pretty quickly. It certainly makes sense to be mad at the situation, I don't think it necessarily makes sense to be mad at the people. When I came out most people I came out to had literally never met an out gay person. It just wasn't a thing, it wasn't on people's radar. When it did come up it was this sort of shadowy mental illness that you once heard happened to the son of a friends of a friend of your aunt. It would have been nice if they would have said and did certain things in case it turned out I was gay--something that one might reasonably expect some parents to do today--but at the time it would have been like adjusting their parenting in case I turned out to be a space alien. And in the end they just didn't know and in the context it's not at all reasonable to think that they should have figured it out. The only way they could have known is if I had told them, and I didn't... until I did.