Smashing through the metaphorical ice.

So, I suppose I should start with a name. My name is Mikhail, I was born in Serbia in 1992 and the very first things I encountered in this world involved war. As, many people know, the Yugoslav Wars (specifically the Bosnian Wars in my case) consumed that region. Genocide and war, great way to start isn't it? Though I'm not exactly a horror story case, I was young and wasn't exposed to a whole lot of that.

On down the line, my parents who were (like myself) addicts brought me to the US along with my, eight siblings. I was left in a parking lot, then adopted by a not-so-great family but, all that is long gone and I've since moved on to get a degree in Electrical Engineering and I have a career, a life.

I struggled with drugs for a lot of my life, ten years total in fact, starting at 11 and genuinely stopping at around 21 (I turn 24 on the 25th of this month) so I have quite a bit of positive time under my belt now. I won't say clean time because, to some people in this world I'm not clean and never will be due to being prescribed a drug given only (well, not ONLY but, in 99% of its use) to recovering opiate addicts. Suboxone. It's helped my life a lot, it continues to do so. To any possible fellow addicts reading this, I very much hope you've moved onto recovery and if you have, congratulations, I know just how hard that first step can be to take and always remember to hang in there.

Getting through all that, my drug use was not something that came to life because I struggled with who I was or my situation. Most of my life, in fact, I have felt absolutely nothing. So much so, that I was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder at age 17, for those not familiar with psychology lingo, that's sociopathy. I think that, either the disorder is very misunderstood or the diagnosis was incorrect as I have since began to feel many things, just not in any particular way that one would call normal. Though I have loved, I have lost, I have laughed and I have cried.

I didn't really ever begin to, question or even explore my sexuality until I was around 14, when I came to the US. I thought I was straight for, most of my life. I had points where I thought I was bisexual because of the dead-set attraction I felt toward the male sex, but, I thought it was just a chemical imbalance as it seemed to come and go. I've never been attracted to females, ever. I've had sex with, one, and it was a very dull experience I'd rather not repeat ever again. I figured that, relationships and sex just were not for me. Not out of shame or denial, just genuinely what I thought.

Eventually when I got clean and, got into college and, sucked myself out of the hole I had thrown myself into I began to feel things like a human being should, and this is when it happened. All of a sudden a surge of emotion and feelings that still continue to this day burst from inside me. A want, a need, an overpowering desire and just a very overwhelming feeling in general. I began to lust after and want, guys. Not just, any type of guy. I was by no means jumping from male to male, I don't get by on just the physical stuff, I'm by every means a monogamous man who wants something real and something serious. Though I am very aware no relationship starts out this way.

From the very start I knew what kind of, gay guy I guess, I was. I didn't need to experiment, I just knew exactly what I was, that it was the top part of the 'bunk bed' I wanted to sleep on, that I was completely okay with immediately telling every single person I knew that I was gay and what kind of guys I liked. It was like this was always something I knew, not just the being gay part, but the whole equation. I had everything figured out from the very first second with no need for experimentation, I just took off like fire. I'm currently with someone who I very much get 'the one' vibes from and with him, my career and my life which no longer revolves around abusing opiates, I am very much a happy man. I just found it strange that my sexuality just came flooding out of me all at once with no real trigger for the experience. It was just as if I had woke up that day with a rush of repressed feelings flying out of every region of my brain.

I know this is a long introduction, but I've never really gotten to say all of this to any person before, much less an entire forum. So I guess, this being my first chance, I just went all out. I hope I find that I like it here, and this very much seems like a good place. I thank any of you who read through all this nonsense for your patience and I look forward to seeing you around.

 

I appreciate the welcome, it's a lot more than I've gotten on other forums in the past.

I suppose if I had to add anything to that, it would be hobbies. I'm a pretty dedicated gamer. thanks to my career I've been allocated a ton of money for a PC. Though this PC uses Tesla K60's and an Xeon (not a gaming setup, more of a workstation/server PC situation) as I do a ton of my work on Excell Engineering and AutoCAD at the moment. They financed the PC entirely and, though it cost more than even my current vehicle did, I had enough left over to pair with some money I had saved up to build a 4K resolution gaming PC that I had only ever dreamed of having.

The irony in that is, I bought a New Nintendo 3DS XL recently and started playing the Monster Hunter series and I am just addicted to that game (namely MH: Generations at the moment) so much it just baffles me, that and the Fire Emblem series (been playing this since it was released outside of Japan and I've ever had the older games translated with patches just to play them, I love strategy games a lot) is also currently on the 3DS so my gaming PC has been literally collecting dust while a $200 handheld gets more use than something I spent over $5,500 on. Lol.

Other than that I'm die-hard into learning as I mentioned. Sciences of all kind, I am a very big polymath who just cannot learn enough. If I had to pick favorites it would be, cosmology, astronomy and astrophysics. This universe, this world we live in, is such near-nothingness compared to the rest of what is out there and I feel like if people don't study that infinite abyss out there than we really might not ever see some of the greatest things that have ever existed in a grand sense and that thought sort of saddens me.

I also enjoy cooking quite a lot, I'm not a person who eats a lot of frozen food, though I do have a soft spot for fast food pizza like Domino's and such. Pizza could nearly be my one true love if not for my partner, I swear. Other than that, I watch a lot of Netflix, I'm always on Youtube, I'm not generally a person who sits around literally doing nothing. I'm always, working, learning, engaged in a hobby, working out or doing something with my partner. I plan on getting my Master's degree at some point, but right now I'm just going to let my hard work come to a brief rest so I can enjoy some of the results.

Thanks again for the warm welcome guys.

 

Appreciate the warm welcome guys, I thank you all very much. I added a longer post here and I think I said K60's in it, I meant K80's as I don't think K60's exist lol. Not as familiar with WS cards as I am normal GPU's, the price alone of them blew my mind, but when it's on the company dime I can hardly complain. I guess this will make more sense when the other post gets approved due to its length I suppose.