Small Victories

Congrats

 

I moved out! Which has definitely been reshaping my identity in ways I never realized would happen. It's been a bit less than a month and I've already changed so much.

 

I just cut my hair short for the first time since 2010(where I didn't know I was trans), and I love it, though I'm not sure if it makes me look more masculine.

 

Went shopping with my mom and she bought me clothes from the guy's section. Kind of a dumb victory maybe but she's never done it before.

 

I suppose this could qualify... A few weeks back, I was in the check-out line at the grocery store. My hair was pulled back and I was wearing a pink men's linen shirt, and some soccer pants. My breasts weren't particularly prominent that day. I saw a woman, mother I presume, with her brood approach me as they headed towards their destination. Well, I noticed this woman was giving me an especially hard look. She kept acting like she wanted to be inconspicuous about this, but it was a little too obvious. I think she was trying to figure out if I were male or female.

It's about time someone couldn't tell!

 

wow, very brave. good job

---------- Post added 1st Jun 2015 at 10:45 AM ----------

wow good for you hunny. only bigger brighter things for you now.(*hug*)

 

I'm wearing my first pair of women's shoes to school today. So much more comfortable.

 

Hit up the outlet mall and bought some guy clothes. Some boxers, some shirts, and a pair of cargoes. The boxers are suuuuuper comfy and I need more.

 

Congrats, seriously. I moved out rather hastily myself, but it was totally worth it in the end. And it is amazing how much we change when we do it.

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As for myself, it does feel like a small victory, but simply breaking down my barriers over the last year feels like it has changed my outlook a lot. I remember when I joined EC, I originally tried to identify as non-binary because "I couldn't possibly be a trans woman, but male feels wrong too". Now? Maybe "trans woman" is a good label for how I feel, especially reading other people's stories. I still have my doubts, and my worries, but it feels good to at least have gotten past the idea of telling myself what I can't possibly be (makes me feel like Luke yelling at Vader in denial). As Chinese cliches might say, I've finally emptied my cup.

Now if only I could get over more of my anxieties and actually "play".

 

This past weekend was the first full weekend I spent as myself. Felt amazing. Only time my legal name came up was at the hotel, because the reservation required a driver's license and credit card.

 

Damn, that's awesome. Sometimes I think having allies that see trans issues is better than passing.

 

Yesterday a boy came up to me and asked whether I was a girl or a boy. I answered him that I was born female, and he just said 'are you serious? You look like a boy,' and then walked away. I know I don't look very boy, but it just made me so happy!

 

I've started video diary and I'm presenting however the hell I want on it. I've left a few clues for my friends to find it so I can show them who I really am.

 

Had my third laser appointment down below yesterday! Plus I had my thighs waxed.

 

yikes, how did that go? so happy that you are moving forward, you deserve it sweetie.

 

I pass as male at work for some reason. I only pass at work with customers, even though the only difference in my work outfit and my normal wear is that I always have to wear a green shirt at work, and I never pass anywhere else. But being seen as a guy, even just in one place is really nice. I get "sir'ed", and "young man-ed" at work all day.

 

It went well, thank you It's the most painful place I've had laser done so far. I'm going to be so happy when I don't have to shave down there anymore. I prefer having it shaved but dealing with that area can make me feel shitty. So never having to shave there will be great. Also I hate the ingrown hairs and razor burns, so no longer getting those will be a bonus!

 

I was sitting in the train and i wasn't really trying to pass, just a little make-up and no breastforms om.
Then this lady approached me and said , can i ask you something ma'am.
Makes me wonder how well I would pass when I do make an effort...

 

Volunteering at the mini-maker faire with my bra stuffed. First thing I've done where I will knowingly interact with people that have known me as a guy.

 

I have decided that today is the last day that I shave my legs. Because even if I don't turn out to be trans I do like the look of hair on my legs......and I'm lazy and shaving is just to time consuming a thing to do just because I'm afraid of what people will say.