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Small Victories

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Kasey, Dec 11, 2014.

  1. Lacybi

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    I accidentally attended the trans group near my house just before Christmas. It was a beautiful feeling and I wrote a poem about how free I felt there. One of the people there saved my number in her phone as Seth and I think she’s the only one to do that. I also didn’t get many feminine Christmas presents which was lovely. My boyfriend also gave me a big trans flag but unfortunately I don’t have any wall space to hang it on since I hung up the rainbow and nonbinary flags recently.
     
  2. Reviskova

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    My mom said a while ago that "when people say your other name, i sometimes dont even know who they are talking about. because you are not (other name) anymore, you are just you."

    as a pre-hormone trans person that was one time i truly felt validated. definitely a small victory for me, and it makes me smile a bit even to this day.
     
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  3. NekoAlex

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    A family friend gendered me correctly today
     
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  4. Molko

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    Stopped at the service station with mum, I tried to find my lighter for a cigarette while she nipped inside. As i figured i’d Probrably packed it in my suitcase, she appeared looking triumphant with a red bic lighter in hand having nipped by the shops inside.

    ‘I said it right, i said to the woman ‘I bet he’ll have it in his pocket’.’ Dead proud of herself that she male pronouned me.

    I never correct my mums use of pronouns so this is off her own back. Thought it was super cute bless her.
     
    #4944 Molko, Jan 15, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2019
  5. Kodo

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    I just got a late Christmas gift from my family (my mother and brother). It was addressed to my preferred name, in my mother's handwriting. That made me smile.
     
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  6. pointofnoreturn

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    I just sent an email to my gender studies professor asking to use my preferred name and pronouns! Super nervous though...
     
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  7. looking for me

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    ok personal victory, I started University last week. and yesterday I go my first grade on my first assignment, I was an A! even when I was a student decades ago, A's were so very rare. so Yay me.
     
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  8. Molko

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    First morning back at home, I just went to my wardrobe to get dressed and realised I don’t have to put my binder on. My eyes are leaking a little. So surreal.
     
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  9. Verklighet

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    I had emailed my stepmom a bunch
    of updates in my life (we do not live together)
    and one was including my gender, reminding
    her how I felt and how I did not like talking
    about it with the family because I felt bad.

    My dad came by after I turned off my
    gaming console and hugged me and told
    me he "loved me for who I was," and I was thinking,
    "that's oddly specific, I wonder why," and he
    looks and me and says, "Stephanie shared
    the email with me and I love you." It was very
    nice after a very rough day.
     
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  10. Crisalide

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    There's a girl who's attracted to me, with whom I could "do the gentleman" opening her doors, holding the umbrella, walking arm in arm with her leaning on me. An evening of being a gentleman in a sea of misgendering. u__u
     
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  11. Harjus

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    I am going to move! Finally I can move to place where I can be stealth with my neighbours. Also I don't have to worry about my safety so much. The place I live in now really sucks, me neighbours are all pretty suspicious and the rent just got too much too. I am moving together with my sister. Her place sucks too and she is tired of being harassed and afraid of going out alone.

    The new appartement will be almost 3 times as big as this one.

    She will check the appartement soon. I know the environment there and it's beautiful. It's close to nature. I know those forests and I can't wait to be there again. And the lake is so big and pure. I could go fishing and get fresh berries, mushrooms and herbs. I could easily go hiking and spend nights in the forest. I have a canoe. If it still seems to be functional I would have a lot to explore.

    We are planning on having an aquarium there too. It's been a dream for me for some time.

    Moving sucks but I am starting to get a bit excited. After it's done my life will be so much better. And I will be on the "next level of stealth life".

    Yeah, things are looking bretty good.
     
  12. Hanyauku

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    I have an initial appointment for HRT next week! It feels surreal to even type those words, but it's really happening. So much has changed since I joined this community a little over a year ago. I started seeing a gender therapist, I've come out to several people, including my family, and I'm on track to socially transition this summer. And now I get to take the first step in my medical transition, and relieve myself of the stress of continuing to grow more masculine. And my appointment is on Valentine's Day, so for once I actually have somewhere exciting to be! :slight_smile:
     
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  13. looking for me

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    yesterday, I got a call that my transfer to the city has been approved and im moving in 7 weeks. the manager who called me was very through in asking me how I want my transfer to go in regard to my gender and transition etc. huge victory but now im scared to death. lol
     
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  14. Hanyauku

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    Today I had my first appointment for HRT, was approved to start it, and just took my first dose of hormones! So basically this has been one of the best days ever :slight_smile:
     
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  15. DarkWhite

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    Hoo boi, finally I have some good news to share! WelI the first one is kinda old but I decided to share anyway. I was in theatre, buying a snack in the buffet when I suddenly hear from in front of me: "Mom, this guy over here is really pretty. How do I make him notice me?"

    The reply: "Well, try to look at him."

    Then the girl turned around and gave me the most seductive look I've ever seen, she even tried to do a sexy pose xD (she was like 15) I pretended that I don't see her, but I was really overjoyed inside, escpecially since I wasn't even on T yet.


    The next is something similar. I was on the bus just yesterday, I had to stand since there were no seats left (I had headphones but didn't listen to any music) and I what do I hear xD Bunch of girls were giving me glances, talking about how hot I am, ladies thought I couldn't hear them .))

    I am already on T now and I do think that my face has changed a little, and this fact made the whole thing even more heartwarming. I can't remember last time I was so happy :slight_smile:
     
    #4955 DarkWhite, Feb 26, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2019
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  16. Kasey

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    Welllllll.... I've been gone a long time. A lot to report.

    1. I'm out to my entire family finally.
    2. I'm the faculty liaison to the GSA in my school and have had 2 other students come out to me as trans in the past year.
    3. My HRT is becoming quite evident.

    And I'm thrilled this post is still going so strong.
     
  17. Hanyauku

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    My mom is finally starting to acknowledge that I’m transgender. My parents’ reaction to my coming out was to stick their head in the sand and ignore it. Which is typical in my family. That makes it sound worse than it was, but we do have a habit of ignoring what is difficult and instead keeping up appearances. So I’m very happy that today she just told me that she wants me to be happy, regardless of what that means.
     
  18. Kasey

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    Yea... head in the sand is a common reaction. That or total embracing or disownment.
     
  19. ErickWolf

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    I haven't been on EC in ages. But several things.

    I'm like 98% out at school. Basically every friend and teacher knows, and they're all totally cool with it. I'm extremely thankful for all of them and glad I had the luck of going to this particular high school. And speaking of teachers, talk about a plot twist. My Russian teacher has always been pretty chill, as has the new one this year, but I was hesitant to come out in that class because even if she speaks good English, there might be a risk of a mistranslation or something. But one day when she was out sick, her husband came in to talk to us and basically help/tutor us because he also knew Russian, and he was pretty cool.

    But like. Holy crap. So he didn't want to go to work and we didn't really want to do schoolwork xD, so class turned into him telling us stories and life advice and answering out questions about college and language careers and stuff like that. And again, holy. Crap. Towards the end of class, he started talking about LGBT people and he told us he was bi! I'm sure my eyes were huge or unblinking lmao. I did not expect that! So when the bell rang and none of us really wanted to leave because it was a hell of a fun and enlightening class, I got up and told him I'm trans and that his speech thing was awesome and he said I could email him if I ever needed support, which was really nice. So that made up my mind about telling my Russian teacher and around winter break, I told her and she was totally cool with it and equally supportive. So, wow.

    And what's really great too is that I decided to start using male pronouns in that class (and in a foreign language that genders everything all the time, what a relief). It's a bit weird to say and hear them, especially since it's so recent, and because I've never used any kind of male pronouns except with my friends, and we have a policy of only calling me that if we're sure it's safe (at school, it's pretty much fine anywhere unless someone who doesn't know me very well overhears and accidentally tells my parents something like 'oh isn't that your son' or something like that, but in class, anyone I've talked to, I've told, including either all or most of my teachers).

    Also, I'm finally getting my name legally changed. I'm not out to my parents, but at least it's getting changed (it's not getting changed to Erick - I'm changing it to Zhenya, a Russian male or female name which I like basically as much as Erick, and which is quite convenient because it's not a female name in my case but because it's either-or, I can do it while still living with my parents without getting crap or suspicion which is great). Now all that has to be done is turning in the check (we got there near the court's closing time, so they accepted my papers luckily, but they only accepted checks as payment because I guess their credit card machines were turned off for the day or something?) and waiting the hopefully short time (my mom is also getting her name changed, because of divorce, but they told her it should be only like a month, so mine should probably be the same way).

    And lastly, out of necessity, I've managed to snag two new binders (it came down to a choice between wearing bras or me getting a new binder somehow; my mom is pretty cool but she didn't really like my wearing my old binder, but it could've been worse. I think it was a combination of the fact that it was getting kind of ratty and gross, and the actual binding). Now, anyone reading this, be careful and judge your situation since ordering a binder when you're still living with your parents is risky. Don't necessarily use this as an example, this is my situation and not necessarily yours. But anyway, I'd gotten a visa gift card, which can be used with AmazonPay, which gc2b accepts (if you're ordering, especially if you don't have the option of returning things that don't fit, for the love of god make sure you get the right size. They have a guide and their people are really helpful, and if I hadn't checked, I'd have blown my money on a too-small binder that I'd be unable to return).

    So I somehow managed to order a binder, not have a total panic attack, and snag it from the mail. With both parents at home (including my snoopy dad). So I feel the need to brag. I really hate taking risks of any kind (like at all; I'm that person that won't even risk fake money in econ class), but I decided it was necessary. Even if the bras were comfy and a break from the binding, it feels weird to look in the mirror and see boobs, and it would probably feel weird walking around without a binder in public. I kept the bras for when I need them, like when going to the doctor (I hate going and only go if I absolutely need to - my doctor isn't bad or anything, I just plain don't like going to the doctor - but I had to get my shots for college, so it wasn't exactly optional). When dad left for a business trip a few weeks ago, of course the first thing that came to my mind was that it was my opportunity to get another binder. Mom would only get the mail to get the mail, not to snoop, but of course I still feel much better if I'm the one who gets my mail, so I made sure I got it. I'd also ordered some books, so I conveniently hid the binder package behind the book package. So there was binder #2, plus some books I'd really wanted but that my dad wouldn't approve of (my mom doesn't give a crap what I read; to quote her, "you're an adult so nobody should have any say over what you read, wear, etc". She's awesome).

    I ordered a third thursday night and made myself cough up the money for expedited shipping just to be safe since dad gets home in a few days. Just because I've managed it once with him home doesn't mean I ever want to do that again. That was kind of painful to do but better safe than sorry. I have a nude and black binder and ordered a grey. Hoodies do wonders for hiding binder straps (and either binders or chests), but when it warms up, I won't be able to wear hoodies all the time, so I needed the black and grey ones (also that's the colors of my bras, so I'm hoping I can get away with acting like they're bras and I just have a small chest). If, knock on wood, I can get the third one and manage until college (as in, hoping my parents don't complain or get suspicious if my chest looks flat), I'm going to make myself some kind of award, lmao. That ain't a small feat, especially the time my dad was home. The only reason I did that at all was because I saw it as a necessity to do it.

    When I go to college, and when I get my bank account, it will be much easier, since mail just gets delivered to the residence hall, and since I'm going to be out in college, I could give a crap if the people in my dorm know what I'm buying, and I'll finally be able to wash my binders in the actual washer as often as I should be able to, because I'll have several and because I won't need to worry about hiding them from my parents. My college has an LGBT group and literally has support posters plastered all over in at least one of the residence halls I saw on tour, and the group was clearly active. When we came outside the residence hall to continue the tour, the first thing I saw was a group of guys standing at a table with a giant rainbow flag! Talk about great signs. One more thing I almost forgot, I ended up coming out to my high school counselor when we were doing my college application, because of the fields like name and gender and stuff. They had a gender identity field - I didn't end up filling it out because I'm not out to my parents, so better to not even let that be a risk - and I told her I was debating over whether to fill it out and asked her advice. She said she was glad I trusted her enough to tell her and said she supported me. She's pretty chill and has been really helpful.

    Sometimes people just have a good vibe, and like everyone else I've told at my school, she was totally fine with it, and it's nice to have this kind of support. Even one dude who said he didn't really know what to make of trans people was a good friend in last year's econ class, and remained one after I told him. And while I don't have any classes with him this year, I ran into him in the hall once and he smiled and said hi, so heck, even if he actually disapproves (considering he was one of my closest friends last year and always seems genuine and nice, I really doubt he has any issue with it, tbh), he's being nice to me (not like, fake 'nice'; like talking to me and working on group projects together and stuff, which he didn't *have* to do at all whether he liked me or not), which is really cool and nice of him. What a change from my pre-high school years. My high school's GSA is more active this year so now we have posters in the hallways and some of the classrooms. There's a poster in my English teacher's class, so I'm out to him (we're doing discussions on individuals and society, including some class posters on 'self, family, and nature', and after asking if parents would see and getting a 'no', I decided to write ' A man of my own making' under self, and when he read the stuff on the posters, I had this giant smile. I felt so proud of myself and it felt great to write that. And my government teacher is pretty much the nicest person I've ever met, and she has a strong no-discrimination and respect-each-other policy, so of course I told her, too, with basically zero worries for obvious reasons.

    So a lot of small and maybe not so small victories. Even all the seemingly little things add up, too. It's been both a good and bad year but this is some of the good stuff that's happened with me. It's just crazy. High school...wow. I haven't (knock on wood) had a single person reject me, give me crap, or stop talking to me, and everyone I know in school is supportive. Even if I complain about school sometimes (who doesn't, especially when you have a bunch of other crap going on outside of school that's making things not so easy?), I ain't complaining about my specific high school, that's for sure. This has been the best time of my life so far and I still sometimes have a hard time believing it. I could go on and on about the timeline of all the stuff that's happened, but seeing as it's late and this post is getting really long, I'll stop now. But basically this is a giant love letter to my school and the amazing people I'm fortunate enough to have in my life.

    Edit: Something else I forgot because I'm tired and am barely keeping in my mind as I'm typing. One of my friends in Russian class asked me how it was being on t! I had to kind of laugh. I don't know her that well yet so she didn't know, but lmao. I ain't on t yet. It felt great to hear that and tell her that actually I'm not on t yet but if I apparently look and/or sound like it, well, awesome. I know my voice isn't girly but I still don't exactly love it most of the time. But wow. What a compliment! If I apparently look and sound this decent pre-t (I've passed pretty well and had plenty of people say so, but I don't think I've ever gotten a comment like 'how's t' yet), if or when I end up doing t, I wonder how I'll look and sound. Like dayum. I did not expect to hear that. xD
     
    #4959 ErickWolf, Mar 9, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2019
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  20. LaurenSkye

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    Not a personal victory, but, the Cincinnati Library is holding Women's Health Day next weekend, focusing on the physical, mental, and financial health of "Female-Identified individuals".
     
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