Small Victories

I have just decided to transition socially to my real nonbinary transmasculine self as soon as possible. I'm going to tell my friends about my name as soon as I see them and I am going to introduce myself with that name when I change study programs and universities in October (I was going to change anyway). No more hiding and only talking about my gender struggles with close friends. I am going to be my most authentic self. This feels like the most important decision of my life. I'm shaking right now

 

If I read my doctor's message right, she said the endo in the building would consider seeing me if they get a referral first, and she put one out for me. Holy fuck, man. If he's willing to take on my case, then I very well might just drop Mazzoni unless I need legal advice.

 

i went to an art show at my friends gallery this afternoon, the same one i came out to the other day. there's another friend who runs an art school in the gallery, and it was just me, my son, the first friend and this one. i told her i have someone to introduce her to.... i just showed her the picture from pride and she looked at it, then at me and just gave me the most tender hug and we all got really teary eyed. it was such a fantastic soft lovely moment. we chatted a bit after but oh wow, just thinking about it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. love that feeling.

 

Talked with my mom more about top surgery plans. It's not happening until next summer (hopefully), but it's good to feel like it's being worked on.

 

I just finished my coming out letter. It's here if you want to have a look: https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?threads/feedback-on-coming-out-letter-needed.460312/

 

was up to my parents out by the pool, it was hot so i kicked off my shoes and stood around in bare feet painted nails and all. zero "F's" were given..... nothing was said either....

 

That's really nice I'm happy for you! I'm sad that I'll never know the feeling though...

 

give it time hun, you'll be the woman on the outside we both know is on the inside.

 

I don't really think so...

 

I was too scared - my parents are pretty "eh you're still our daughter" and I didn't want them to say anything to me. None of my extended family cared either which was relieving.

 

I'm out of my depressed funk, and am done being ridiculous. I'm transitioning, somehow. Fuck it.

 

that's my girl. HUGS, YAYYYYY

 

so woke up yesterday very dysphoric, more than I've ever been. I was going to my gender therapist and then my medical doc who is overseeing my transition. so I said the hell with it and did what I cant if im going to work, I put on a bra and didn't care if it looked like I have boobs. I went all around the city and to my appointments and to a potluck with the local PFLAG, It was so affirming I loved it. victory achieved.

 

other victories; I got a referral to voice therapy for someone who specializes in trans issues regarding the voice IE, make me sound more feminine. and the big one...........*drumroll* I asked for a referral to Camh the hospital that does the assessment for Gender Confirming Surgery..... Holy Crap this might actually happen....

 

Congrats!!! This is so huge, hope everything keeps going this well

I did some googling recently and I've figured out how to get my voice sounding feminine without any professional anything or spending money, too bad I can't do that around people though.

 

The reason why I sing as a young guy but talk like Mickey Mouse is that exercise in singing alone or around people seems normal, talking alone to myself for hours feels crazy.

Amyway, good

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I have a little victory too. Facebook "knows" I'm not a woman: I have "questioning" instead (but privacy settings allow no one to see it). Pronouns are public and I've found the courage to set them on neutral. No one will notice anyway, and my mother is not on face.

 

I faxed my forms off to my doctor for referral to the assessment process for Gender Confirmation Surgery. gulp....

 

Good luck

 

just a matter of patience now....