Small Victories

Got my first kiss/ess ^^ and question of my crush is finally removed

 

i went to the beach yesterday in my new bikini. talk about feeling so free.

 

walked in my second Pride Parade on Sunday. but this time I did it as ME. full makeup, skirt, Pride shirt, wig, everything. it was sooo frigging awesome. even though im back to work im still loving the feeling of being Sarah for over a week no matter what I was wearing, this is defiantly my last summer as ____ next year is the summer of Sarah.

 

https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?threads/sexuality.459463/

Pretty good one.

 

I forgot if I said this, but if I understood what my insurance provider told me; the most I'm going to pay out of pocket for top surgery (and maybe my hysto and phallo in the future) is anywhere between nothing and $21. It looks like I won't be hitting Dunkin Donuts any time soon, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make XD

Right now, I just need to see what's going on with my friend's coverage since we're doing a ride or die bromance thing where we're dead set on booking our top surgeries at the same time so we can go through the process together.

 

Fuck it. I'm fabulous.

 

My dad introduces me to people as his son now, and I pass well enough that no one questions it.

 

It's quite seldom to get addressed with a gendered expression in German. There's usually no "Sir" or "Mam/Miss" after a "thank you" in the supermarket etc. However, when it happened recently, I usually got addressed as male. Which I found great the first few times. Today was different. For the first time I was not entirely comfortable with it directly when it happened.

That might not sound like a victory, but it's one of the first real-life signs that confirm my nonbinary identity. Up to now most of my reasoning that I'm not male came from thought experiments. As I was usually seen as female in the last few years, every time I got male pronouns was uplifting, because it was different. Which made me wonder, if I was really nonbinary and not in fact ftm. Today showed me that I'm happiest when people can't pin down my assigned sex and see me as simply a person. I guess I rather be addressed as a guy then a girl, but what actually makes me feel happy and valid is the neutral middle ground.

 

one happy girl at Pride, this is my victory pretty hugh thing.

 

a pretty big victory for me, one Happy girl at Pride

 

Ok hardly a victory but nipped to the shop wearing a female t-shirt. Long length half way down the calf with a waist belt. This is while a music festival is going on with one stage right outside my front door. I've got to admit my heart was beating quite fast all the time. The worst part was when returning to the flat as there's a great crowd outside. Luckily think they were watching the band more then me.

 

thanks hun, i love your pic in your new avatar, fantastic hair.

 

really? well, looks great.

 

I'm pretty sure everyone here looks better than me....so far hormones have just made me look like a 16 y/o boy....

 

some how i doubt that hun. i saw a pic of you that you put up, last year? and i can only see you and a cute girl.

 

I mean, that was before I started hormones. I'm not sure when I posted it(I deleted it now, for personal reasons), but it may have been last year.

And clearly not, I've never been gendered correctly. Though I am planning on coming out to my store manager on Tuesday, so maybe I'll be able to play around with gender expression....though not likely, cause my idiot mother refuses to accept me as her daughter, and I don't expect my dad to go any better....this should be in the Vent Thread, sorry.