Small Victories

I painted one of mine green because the rest of my room was grey. So dull.
It's great to hear that your mum's taking a few steps with you.

 

Going to Phillie tomorrow. If all goes as planned, I should be on T in maybe 22 something days (If I'm reading my calender right). (head explodes)

Does anyone have advice on how I should spend the next 36 something hours? I'm thinking about doing a huge detoxing to clear my system of all the garbage I've been eating.

 

It's not dumb at all.

 

<3

 

So I went into the kitchen to grab a snack and briefly chatted to my housemate. As I was about to leave she suddenly looked closely at me and said "Are you wearing eyeliner?" The truth is, I had earlier done a little bit of makeup hadn't done a very good job and removing the stuff around my eyes. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence and every single panic alarm going off in my head, I simply said "yep". Cos fuck it, some guys wear eyeliner too! Thought it was better to just own it than make up some feeble excuse that would just make her more suspicious. The response I got was lovely: "Oh, cool. It looks really nice. Really brings out your eyes." Now I'm just incredibly happy, both for the compliment and the fact that she was so chill about gender-bending stuff like that. I'm pretty confident she would be very supportive if I came out as trans.

But anyway, I have an essay to finish by tomorrow, so must dash! Just wanted to share the good feelings!

 

Guys don't wear eyeliner, they wear guyliner!

It's good that you received a nice, confidence boosting comment and realizing you might have an ally in the house.

 

Very Cool.

 

Thanks.

Also, I finished my essay that I only discovered was due in for tomorrow at 4pm today. Not trans-related, but a nice victory all the same

 

I came out to a teacher and an entire class today. Everyone was supportive and began using my preferred name right away

 

Dressed up today, using my binder

Damn I looked sexy.

 

Today I went into what I *thought* was an empty men's room and found one of my guyfriends in there. He said "hey" then didn't bat another eyelash at me using the right bathroom :lol:

 

Back from Philly. Everyone at Mazzoni was so nice and chill! The doctor I spoke to said I should be fine, even with my thyroid issue and I'm going back in three weeks to start T if my blood work comes up fine.

What I'm most excited for is that Nik might start T the same day as me, and now we're just waiting to see if his main doctor will think the side effects will hurt him since he has some other medical issues. It just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to know my best bud and love of my life might be doing this with me. I'll see if we can go back together since we shouldn't take more than 30 minutes.

I'll get back to all of you on that when we go back. Let's hope the weather is nice!

 

I'm getting my haircut on my birthday, this Saturday. So excited! But I'm also really nervous, because I'm not sure if it will look or feel right. I'm bracing myself for not being happy with my haircut, but I know I will be happy to some degree because it'll be so much less work to take care of. I'm also worried that I won't pass at all (a single person acknowledging me as a guy would make my day and I'd be happy) for anyone, even with the haircut.

 

I've been pretty dysphoric and depressed all day but I passed on the way home on my walk, so that was nice. It wasn't exactly a great encounter (some obnoxious 8th grader :rolle, but I was just happy to pass, especially today.

 

Today I had my first real conversation with an old friend in two years. He started off (Facebook message) by coming out to me as gay. I had come out to him as bi, but not trans*, so I told him and he accepted me right off. I got that warm fuzzy feeling I haven't had in so long... Conversations like those are why I still communicate with humans, otherwise I would have stopped long ago. I am so happy...

 

Today I have a victory. It meant so much to me. I have to tell someone!

My entire family has always been very bias about my hair. I don't really know why it's an issue, but I'll keep the story short. I hate long hair. It makes me feel wrong and awful and I clip it back with barrettes every waking moment. I shaved my head one time and it was the best I have ever felt. But my family hated it. All I ever heard was how it was not ladylike and I should never have done it. I've never really been comfortable in my own skin. But shaving my head made me feel so good. I never could remember a time when I felt so comfortable being me. And it made me sad that my family made me swear to never do it again.

Fast forward to now. My hair had grown well past my shoulders and I have been hating it for the last couple years. Even through all the comments of how 'pretty' I looked. I suffered through it all. It hurt. And today? Today I woke up and I decided that I had enough. I didn't care what anyone thought. It is my hair and my body and I will do what I want. So I got some scissors and I took it off until it was very short. It was very liberating. It's not shaved, but oh my God, it feels SO much better!

I am free! And I don't care what anyone else has to say about it.

 

Went clothes shopping with my mum and sister, we were heading to the change rooms and the lady had to unlock the men's change room for me.

As I was closing the door I looked at mum and was pretty much like:

 

Nothing yet, I'm still not even remotely out but I'm about to come out to a mate which should be interesting!

 

Good luck to you, friend! (*hug*)

 

My T day (should be) is almost two weeks away.