This is my first post here. I’ve struggled for years with my gender identity, whilst ‘happily’ married there has always been an underlying sadness in my life, something missing that I tried to hide. It would always manifest itself in times of stress or pressure but then subside when things got better. I’ve secretly known that I am transgender for many years. I dressed as a child and in to my early 20s but meeting my now wife ended it and I focused on being a good husband and father. The recent crisis has allowed me time to reflect - the first real time in 20 years, and I cannot hide it any longer. My inner woman is desperate to come out. 3 days ago I was brave enough to tell my wife. Maybe not the whole trans thing as that would be a big one to take. I explained my feelings and how I feel inside about dressing, want to be feminine etc. She initially didn’t take it well but after a late night chat we connected on a way we haven’t for years. It’s early days and small steps but I feel more alive than I have done for a long while. I finally feel I can become the woman I want to be. I would love to hear from others who have had similar experiences and how they dealt with it and where it led to. Any advice would also be welcome. Take care love Chrissy xxxx
Hello Chrissy, Welcome to EC! I'm so glad to hear that your wife has taken the news of the change in your dress style well. Changing ones dress is a huge step along the path of Transitioning. Starting out small is a huge thing, it can give those around you a chance to adjust/prepare for a full transition, should it occur. I know that before I began mine, I would "Girl Mode" at night or when I would go out. I even did it the night that I had my own revelation. It was only after that I realised I needed to tell people. But I sent an email to work to set up a meeting to discuss a "major life change" on my part. I kept it cryptic, because I wasn't sure how well the news would go over. But it went over really well. Super well in fact. Family and friends had mostly positive reactions. My Mother, i apologized to her that I couldn't be who I was raised to be, and told her my chosen name. But I know that everyone else saw it as inevitable, given some of my tendencies when I was younger or even the fact that my dress was already feminine.
thank you for the reply. It’s the start of a long journey for me. I’m scared but know I have to do this as the alternative is even scarier. I don’t want to hurt the people around me. Scary but also exciting. Xx
This is a scary thing to embark upon But as you said, it's also exciting. You are right on that point, the elation felt from just sloughing off the old for the new underneath is wonderful. But much like a snake after the shedding, sure there is a rawness there, but there is also beauty.
You are very welcome! Something i should say though, if you aren't already using the descriptor "Transsexual", don't worry. Not all Trans people do decide to use it, and it doesn't detract from your own Transness if you only ever use "Trans Gender". My shift from "Trans Gender" to "Transsexual" came on suddenly, while I was out with my sister after a museum visit. We we're headed back to her car and it just kind of slipped out. But that slipping out is what spurred that shift.
I am not big on labels but understand how they are symbolic. Just being able to admit I am trans has been a big moment in my life. I am in the why me phase. Is there something wrong with me. I don’t like attention on me but know this will bring a certain amount. Xx
I was in that “Is something wrong” phase before my coming out. I can for certain tell you that there’s not a singular thing wrong with you. We are all perfect with our perfect imperfections. We each have our own paths, sure some of those paths and steps are taken quicker than others, the beginning of my transition was swift and sudden for example. Hormones within about a month and name change within 6, but everyone around me saw how much happier I was when compared to before I started it.
