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Small Steps

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Chrissie72, Apr 19, 2020.

  1. Chrissie72

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    This is my first post here. I’ve struggled for years with my gender identity, whilst ‘happily’ married there has always been an underlying sadness in my life, something missing that I tried to hide. It would always manifest itself in times of stress or pressure but then subside when things got better. I’ve secretly known that I am transgender for many years. I dressed as a child and in to my early 20s but meeting my now wife ended it and I focused on being a good husband and father.

    The recent crisis has allowed me time to reflect - the first real time in 20 years, and I cannot hide it any longer. My inner woman is desperate to come out. 3 days ago I was brave enough to tell my wife. Maybe not the whole trans thing as that would be a big one to take. I explained my feelings and how I feel inside about dressing, want to be feminine etc. She initially didn’t take it well but after a late night chat we connected on a way we haven’t for years. It’s early days and small steps but I feel more alive than I have done for a long while. I finally feel I can become the woman I want to be.

    I would love to hear from others who have had similar experiences and how they dealt with it and where it led to. Any advice would also be welcome.
    Take care

    love

    Chrissy xxxx
     
  2. Bri2020

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi Chrissy, I'm in the same position but haven't broach it with my wife (or anyone yet). How did it go? It's been a few months and through lockdowns since you posted so I was wondering if things are going better for you or not. I don't have much advice since you are ahead of me on this but I do have empathy and support for you. I'm going to see a therapist who is LGBTQ accepting about how work through my fears of opening up to my wife. I'm totally in love with her and never want our relationship to end so I'm confused how to progress. I fear that unhappiness is going to occur one way or another. She's very accepting of the LGBTQ world so I'm hopeful. But it's one thing to be accepting and another to be forced into it by a husband who want to express her womanhood and lesbian sexuality. (wow, I'm still coming to terms with that statement)
     
  3. JessNC

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Greensboro, NC USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks for sharing, Chrissy. I am 61, in a hetero marriage for 31 years, and have been crossdressing and exploring being trans for sometime. I have only recently started working with a therapist and even more recently sharing things with my spouse. I am finding this to be scary territory!
     
  4. chicodeoro

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hello Chrissy, I'm another late blossoming trans woman.

    I'm 50 and in my case my revelation only came three months ago. The catalyst was losing my (female) partner back in February. I was forced to really ask myself some really deep questions - who I am and what do I want out of life? I realised that I've always been female and have tried to deny and bury this essential fact for decades.

    How am I dealing with it? Well, I haven't gone under yet! Because of Covid and the slow moving way healthcare works in the UK I am still no nearer starting therapy about all this. What has kept me going has been friends - and this place! Seriously, knowing that I can write about how I'm feeling on a messageboard to LGTBQ people who understand what I'm going through has kept me sane.

    In real life I've come out to over 10 people - all female - and had some amazing support. A couple of friends now call me by my new name and treat me as they would any other girlfriend. In their company I feel free. Then I have to go outside and put on my male mask once more and pretend (well, that's what it feels like now).

    Unlike you Chrissy I don't honestly think my true nature would ever have come out. I was so content being a straight family man. I was so happy. You're incredibly brave telling your wife. Fingers crossed she is able to give you the support you need.

    I'm not sure I have any advice except find some allies, some people you can trust. So far, for me, coming out has been gone well. But I'm aware there are some scary hairpin bends ahead.

    Best wishes, Beth