Though I'm still not clear about why I feel this way, I'm just about ready to start actually experimenting with my gender. I don't want to tell anyone else before I tell my mom. She'll be back in town at the end of march so then I can finally sit down and talk to her about this. She's my very best friend and she's never not supported me the best she could, so I think it's time I at least tell her what's going on. I can't keep living the way I've been living. I've been wearing a bra and cami for the last 4 or 5 days. I just got a cardigan and cute top with an owl outlined in gold. (All in black so I can hide my shoulders somewhat.) I continue wearing these clothes around the house. They make me feel a bit more comfortable, and I'm getting used to and really liking the idea of breasts. I've been unsure about all of this, again, for a while, and now I'm back in girl mode, although not publicly. Coming out over and over is terrifying, and I'm at a new job as of 2 months ago. Been a bit confused on my sexuality which I keep relating to my gender, which I think is slightly justified given hormones and all that jazz, as well as my own personal situation. I think I'm closer to bi than I've realized (like 75% gay/ 25% bi/pan.) although I still feel like i should and would naturally be in a relationship with a guy, attracting and talking to girls comes more naturally to me, but often i think it's because that's the way society has also taught me to be. the reason i bring any of that up in a gender post is because lately I've been making ties, accurate or not is another story, to my feelings about my gender, specifically in a mtf context. I, myself, don't "feel like a trans woman," if that makes sense. I'm now 24 and have only been questioning my gender in the last 4 years, as well as confronting my sexuality. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do feel like I would be overall less angry and stressed out regarding my gender if I transitioned. I feel like I could, for the most part, put this to rest. I don't think these questions are ever going to end, so I think I need to finally address this. I don't where I'm going to end up but I should probably start figuring it out. the way I've been living isn't healthy. I'm going to die younger as a stressed out male, than I would as a transitioned female. I'm afraid of what all of this means, but I'm trying to stay positive.